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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The longer you wait to have another child

68 replies

Sunshine3013 · 27/02/2021 00:42

I had my twins when I was 25. I'm now 31 and when I think of having another one it feels like starting all over again.
My girls are in full time school.. And I work from home full time... But I feel the older they get the more freedom comes with it in regards to lifestyle versus when you have a baby/toddler.

My husband wants us to have another in a few years and I just feel the longer it's been since I've had the twins the less I desire another. It just feels like starting all over again!

Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:

Exhausted4ever · 27/02/2021 10:19

I have a 4 yo and am pregnant. The gap is bigger than we wanted but no2 took a while to make! However it feels just right, 4yo is old enough to understand what's going on and be excited and helpful, but also about to start school meaning I will get 1 on 1 time with the baby. But the baby years aren't so far away I can't remember it though I must admit it's a bit of a worry going back to sleepless nights again.
The concern I'd have about waiting a few more years is that you never know how your fertility will go, you might end up ttc for years, by which point the twins will be teenagers and really not interested in the baby.

PumpkinPie2016 · 27/02/2021 10:23

I know exactly what you mean OP. I had my son at just turned 27. I'm 34 now and he is 7.

He wasn't an easy baby and the birth was quite traumatic so that put me off for a while.

We did think about just one more before covid hit (my Nana died last year too although not from covid). So, with covid and grieving we didn't try.

I can honestly say now, I am glad we didn't! DS is at a lovely stage, settled in school, sleeps well, eats well, we can go on holiday without it being an ordeal etc.

I couldn't face going back to the baby stage now.

You have twins so already two. You don't have to have another if you don't want.

Twoobles · 27/02/2021 10:27

YANBU. That’s exactly why I had my two less than 2 years apart. I knew once I was out of nappies I wouldn’t be able to go back. Currently deciding whether we want a third or not because I know if I leave it too much longer it’ll be a no by default, anyway. I just couldn’t give up the freedom and it’s easier never knowing it 😅

suspiria777 · 27/02/2021 11:45

@FortunesFave

YANBU. You don't HAVE to you know!

I wouldn't. If I had twins...two kids...then I wouldn't want more.

Not with a gap like that. You'll end up with one child with no close sibling.

exactly this happened to my little sister, who was a little over 8 years younger than me and my twin sis. She considers herself an only child (which actually really hurts my feelings...)

MiaowMiaow99 · 27/02/2021 11:56

A friends mum had 3, each with a 10 year gap. Can you imagine!
As children they weren't close, and as adults even less. At 50, she has a 60 and 70 old siblings.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 27/02/2021 12:35

DS is five now and I couldn't go back. Doesn't help that he still isn't a good sleeper! If a second were the same then we could be looking at over a decade of poor sleep. No thank you!

thelightishere · 27/02/2021 14:11

There's really no issue having a child late 30s/early 40s. I had mine at 38 and perfectly happy to have a dependant in my 50s! We got to a good stage (house, careers) by the time we had our only which may not have happened if we had done it much earlier.

You've loads of time to decide OP and hopefully the comments here show the age gap really doesn't matter. My sister's kids are 8 years apart and love each other so much.

thelightishere · 27/02/2021 14:13

Realised I missed the p

thelightishere · 27/02/2021 14:13

... point of your thread

thelightishere · 27/02/2021 14:14

And my first comment around age was because there's been a few comments which seem to be a bit ageist here when really you are still so young!

Original poster

Sunshine3013 · 27/02/2021 14:29

Thank you @thelightishere - you've made me feel better in that I do have many years ahead to decide!

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 27/02/2021 14:38

I'm 38 and I have a DS who is almost 4 and have been trying for another since he was 18 months (IVF). We're coming to accept we can't have any more and, to be honest, he is such a great sleeper (and quite demanding when awake!) that I'm not sure I want to go back to the beginning again now!

Youllbeoldertoo · 27/02/2021 17:04

@Sunshine3013

It just sounds to me from what you’ve said, why put it off, if your wait until your twins are 10 it’s not going to happen is it.

Whatafustercluck · 27/02/2021 17:14

6 years between ds and dd. It's lovely. He helped me when she was a baby, she looks up to him, he dotes in her. The age gap is narrowing as they get older.

Dsis is 7 years older than me. She's also my best friend. Also very close to my other dsis who is 10 years older.

But clearly it's not wrong to feel like you do, so if you don't want to go back to the beginning again, you don't have to.

BluebirdHill · 27/02/2021 17:24

I really don't see why you'd have to have two more! As someone said, sibling relationships just can't be predicted. I would either stick as you are or plan for one more who will be the cherished baby to your twins and you. And as you said, one would be a breeze after twins!

Original poster

Sunshine3013 · 28/02/2021 14:10

Thanks @BluebirdHill - that sounds like the best way to go if we have another. 2 more is way too much for me!

OP posts:

faithfulbird20 · 02/03/2021 10:00

I think people look into these things too much assessing and analysing. Just go with the flow and do what you want. I'm 3.5 years older than my sis and 10 year older than the other sis. Always got on with the youngest. It took my teens to really get on with the 2nd child in our family. But I love them equally. Again you don't have to have two you could just have one. We looked at our youngest sibling as a blessing in our family. She brought so much joy and brought us close together. It wouldn't be complete without her.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 02/03/2021 12:03

I think you’ll know when it’s the right time to have another DC (if at all). I had my DC young, then went to uni, went on some amazing holidays , bought a house and then when my DC was about 8 I felt the twinge to have another DC. Then when a friend announced she was having a baby, it became more of a twinge and I knew I wanted one. I have a nearly 10 year gap and it all worked out well.

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