To wear a lesbian flag badge

[Keepitnerdy]

I'm a lesbian, (I sort of didn't realize it and always said bi) I dated a couple of men because really it was easier now I want to exclusively date women. I have no idea how to go about it, the dating apps for my area have such a small pool of women but I'm about to start a public facing roll do you think if I wear a lesbian price flag I might get a date?

I understand there's a pandemic and will continue to follow the rules of my country, I just have no idea how to get any ladies.

I live in Northern Spain, I will have to practice some flirting in Spanish not sure what is more awkward than trying to hit on women in a foreign language.

Are you from the UK living in Spain. I used to live in Spain for years and I don’t think I have ever dated women in my home country or in my language. Flirting with others in a different language isn’t anymore awkward than general flirting (in fact I find the thought of flirting in French, my native language, horrifyingly awkward).

My advice is don’t overflirt.

I LOVE women who are confident and proactive but I hate women who are cocky or think that I will fall for the cheesiest pick up line (I won’t) or just because they are pretty/show an interest in me.

I approach women a lot in gay bars etc... but I don’t go to them and call them “babe”/ “guapa” or whatever. I acknowledge the fact that I don’t know them and therefore pet names is not appropriate and might irritate them more than anything.

Talk to them like you would someone you would want to befriend. If the attraction is there on both ends then it will flow naturally.

I don’t prepare what I am going to tell the person and I don’t use pick up lines or cliché sayings. I just adapt to the situation etc.

And sometimes I will compliment the girl on something and then walk away, which might seem counter-intuitive but usually what happens is that because we are still in the same bar we will continue to bump into each other throughout the night and it becomes easier and more natural to keep on talking without it being awkward or force onto the other person. (You know like when you spot someone at you stop everyday, and you don’t know them but you feel oddly comfortable around them and it wouldn’t be weird if you started talking because you have just seen each other in the same space a lot, well like that.)

Barcelona and Madrid obviously have the biggest gay communities and Barcelona has a massive lesbian festival each summer (which I plan on attending post Covid), so going there for you could be really nice and help you find a good queer community or at least help you start flirting in an environment where people want to flirt/be flirted with and meet new girls.

In the places I lived in Spain people often call me guapa is that not normal and I've missed some awkward flirting? I live in Northern Spain so pretty far from those places but seen but there seems to be more lesbians in a city an hour away maybe in the summer there will be a gay pride or something I haven't actually lived here without the pandemic. Is being a lesbian just awkward everywhere? 🤣 I honestly thought french would be a more flirty language.

Guapa is a normal term of endearment all your friends will call you guapa. But when random guys in Spain tell me “hola guapa!” I inwardly roll my eyes because when it comes from people you don’t know it is creepy.

Girls are less sensitive to that but I live in the US and when waitresses call me “honey” or “hun” or “babe”, I really don’t like it. I am a stranger, why act so comfortable as to call me “babe”.

So I would address my friends as guapa/guapetona and whichever pet names in Spanish but not a random girl.

My motto is: if I would hate it from a guy, I am not going to do it to another woman.

I would hate a stranger calling me babe so I don’t call a random girl babe.

Lesbians are shy for the most part and tend to wait for things to happen (hence why you can wait 10 dates until a girl makes a move but once a move is made everything moves quickly because it was such hard work getting things going people just don’t want to go to the trouble again.
Lol. At least that’s my theory on U-Hauling.

Definitely go to the bigger city, and just be yourself. The most attractive women to me are the ones who are confident in who they are and already know their worth and aren’t there to convince me of it. Being confident in the fact that you are a “catch” and that people would be lucky to be with you (not in a cocky way but in a “I know my worth and I am not here to beg people to give me attention” kind of way) then it’s honestly most of the job done.

Just relax, be confident, be yourself and go for it. What’s the worst that can happen anyway?

I honestly feel I deserve to be in horny jail at this point until last month I was fine being single the last two years but now I just feel crazy.

I will refocus my efforts on getting my language skills up to par so I can flirt adequately when I get a chance.

I think the worst thing that could happen is probably falling foul of English to Spanish false friends language and telling them I'm pregnant rather than embarrassed 😂 but maybe it's a good thing not to mention it confidence and all that.

I wouldn't assume that someone wearing a badge was gay, really. They might just be supportive of the 'cause'.

You have to look for other signs. A badge isn't an 'advert'. Put yourself in places where gay women are likely to be. Face the fact that it's very difficult at the moment because people can't meet. Join online groups from afar to get used to a bit of socialising with gay women. Recognise that just because you're ready, that doesn't mean your new girlfriend will magically appear. Life will bring you someone. If you go desperately hunting, you won't come across well and you'll take anything that comes. It's a risky path.

I'm not lesbian but I would suggest feminist bookshops and feminist/lesbian facebook groups. I also have quite a few lesbian friends who would introduce me to potential partners if I were interested!

I appreciate all the advice I think after two years of being single and very stressed I was just feeling a bit horny and hopeless. But these have been great ideas and I've found the main root of my problem if I can be more articulate I'm Spanish then there's more chance of me having a social life and getting involved in groups etc... probably come off as less creepy too lol

Try the app Her

It's not easy being single or new or part of a minority nor in a pandemic, don't be hard on yourself! You've got a plan now. Good luck!

*not easy being single when you don't want to be I mean. Obviously being single is fine i'n itself!

Thank you 😊 I think I was just starting to freak out as I could feel myself staring especially at Lesbian couples and I felt a bit bad as they might think I was judging rather than me thinking their adorable and how I was a bit jealous.

I'm straight so feel free not to take this advice. But I'd say don't be so dismissive of the dating apps. Yes, they have lots of bad reviews, weirdos, liars, etc, on there, plus of course people you just don't click with. All dating apps do for every orientation do, yet most people meet their partners on them these days. Maybe at least worth a try?

I am admin for a group of genuine ladies who are interested in other woman / bi or lesbian. It's been running a few months now and has various members from Mumsnet.

It's confidential too. If you want to join you'll need a free app called Wire then just PM to get details.

@MorganKitten

Is there a local Roller Derby team near you? I used to play and as you’re in a female led sport you’ll find a real mix of women, in the London teams there’s lots of bi and lesbian girls, they normally have social events (when things are normal) where you can meet lots of different people.

I was going to suggest roller derby. I used to play and I reckon 90% of the team were gay.