WWYD - To buy alone?

[EhLov]

As with all of life's biggest decisions, I'm throwing this out to the mumsnet wisdom.

I'm currently renting a very nice house, inner city, walkable to great school, nice neighbours, cafes and high street on our doorstep, lovely landlord, rent paid for by boyfriend/The Dad of our 3 young children. It's all a very good situation.

But I am conscious (neurotically so) every day that its not ours. Mainly, for my children, it's not theirs.

I'd like to buy instead. I've been asking The Dad to apply/buy for 5 years (since children arrived) and he's dragged his heels this long.

He's in no hurry to buy (he earns well but is self employed, poorly organised, and I think afraid of a decline. I have little faith in any application he'd submit and am reluctant to tie my name to it)

He is further dissuaded by the fact that anything we can buy will be 100% worse than where we are: given that what we're in now is about as good as it gets. We couldn't afford to buy at the standard we're renting.

I can afford to buy alone.
But what I can buy is smaller, scruffier, and in a worse area than where we are now. I would have to drive to shops, school, work etc. and the whole decision would likely lead to a separation with me and The Dad.

I'm increasingly tempted to just go it alone, buy what I want, and invite him to just 'come along' if he wishes. I know he wouldn't because he would not live where I can afford, so we'd likely split up.

It would, on paper, be worsening our children's lives. But their home would then be theirs.

And I would be financially independent. Which is always safer / wiser, no?

I'm also heavily, heavily reluctant to sign up to a joint mortgage. He is disorganised and woefully ill prepared with financial matters, and petty in arguments (so wouldn't just split the property amicably if we split up) I feel I'd be putting myself in a dangerous position where half of my housing would be reliant on him.

Would you:

1. Buy alone in a worse area
2. Buy together in a better area
3. Carry on renting and stop stressing about ownership?

Can you buy somewhere on your own and rent it out whilst carrying on renting?

doesn’t sound like much of a relationship

in your shoes, i'd be more worried about getting married than in getting my boyfriend on the property ladder

Could you ask the landlord if he would sell you the house you live in?

Let me get this right, you have children together but wouldn't get a mortgage?

Weird. I know which one is more of a commitment.

The fact that you refer to him as The Dad, rather than DP really says it all about your relationship. If you can afford to buy and want to, then do it.

We actually get along really well, and enjoy each other's company. I think I'm just in the minority in seeing a relationship, parenting, and life admin/security/finances all as very separate things.

Why don't you buy a small affordable place on your own then let it out to cover the mortgage and maintenance.

But he’s the one paying the rent?

You are able to get a mortgage on your own, yet you’re not having to contribute to the rent on this place?

So - BTL, or just keep investing the money you save by him paying the rent, and then you’ve got security anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Look for an ex council house in a good area, you will get more house for your money & they are a good size.

As a non married mother I think your financial security is paramount.

Do you currently contribute to the rent?

Buying alone and then renting it out does seem a reasonable solution.

(But Do not then get married: he could be entitled to half your bought property if you split).

If he is happy to continue as you are, buy a place to rent out. If you aren’t happy to continue as you are, then that’s a different situation.

He's dragged his heels for five years and you think he'd refuse to live with you in a less good area!

He pays the rent at the moment but would be paying for somewhere anyway. At the moment he has it all his own way, commitment-free. And He's self employed so he could easily manipulate his income if he wanted to for CMS purposes if you split. And he's petty.

Sounds to me like he has no intention of committing to you, so buy on your own to secure your kids' future. You are hugely vulnerable so definitely 1.

If you’re happy to break up to buy then that’s what you should do. Don’t stay in a relationship that you don’t prioritise.

Can you buy somewhere on your own and rent it out whilst carrying on renting?

This sounds like a good plan.

1. Buy a buy to let and rent it out- and carry on renting where you are now.

While your DP may be disorganised and hapless, if he’s a nice guy/otherwise treats you well and is a good Dad then I wouldn’t walk away from the relationship- you’d break your kids hearts and shake their stable foundations- and for what? A poorer house and poorer schools in a less nice area? Madness.

Just pay the max in to your workplace pension (at least 15% combined you and your employer plus govt tax relief if it’s a defined contribution scheme) and buy a 2 bed buy to let flat in the best area you can afford. That way you get a nest egg and an asset, but you don’t move your DC from their home or break up with your DP.

Obviously if you think he’s financially abusive or abusive in other ways that’s an entirely different matter, but that’s not what I got from your OP.

Carry on in your rental financed by your partner (you are getting a very good deal there) and put your own money into non-property investments for now.

Don’t get hung up about buying a property so that your children will own it. I can’t see why that would matter to them now, and if you’re thinking about inheritance, there’s no guarantee that will actually happen.

Thank you for all your thoughts. I do appreciate I'm kind of putting the chn's home ownership above partnership with their dad and I'm just so undecided on whether the security is that valuable to them.

I don't have enough deposit for BTL, but could keep a small mortgage running. I already work FT.

I’d buy alone in a worse area.

Not for DC but for your security when you are older.

I'd buy alone in a worse area, rent out for now and then work out whether this is the right long-term partnership for you.

If the relationship is good then I can see its not make or break time yet but I have to wonder what the future looks like if he is this unconcerned about your financial security (via marriage) and yours as a family.

The OP has said she can’t buy a buy a buy to let , she doesn’t have a big enough deposit. It’s usually at least 35% needed.

How are you splitting the bills at present?

If he's paying for all your rent and you're paying nothing, despite working FT... then the money you're saving from not paying the rent is your financial security, surely?

That's right, I can't BTL, at least not on something worthwhile for them to actually practically live in. Which is what I'm trying to secure for them - a long term home.

Though I could buy and then apply to convert to BTL, possibly.

I'm just not sold on what's worth more to my children. Secure home ownership at the behest of the partnership or their mum and dad, or sticking with the status quo because their life is nice. He is utterly useless with formal things, hence me being very keen to just take that side of things on myself, but he's a lovely dad.

I am not familiar with the BTL process, but plenty of people seem to simply buy, and then rent out. How does that work?