WWYD - To buy alone?

[EhLov]

As with all of life's biggest decisions, I'm throwing this out to the mumsnet wisdom.

I'm currently renting a very nice house, inner city, walkable to great school, nice neighbours, cafes and high street on our doorstep, lovely landlord, rent paid for by boyfriend/The Dad of our 3 young children. It's all a very good situation.

But I am conscious (neurotically so) every day that its not ours. Mainly, for my children, it's not theirs.

I'd like to buy instead. I've been asking The Dad to apply/buy for 5 years (since children arrived) and he's dragged his heels this long.

He's in no hurry to buy (he earns well but is self employed, poorly organised, and I think afraid of a decline. I have little faith in any application he'd submit and am reluctant to tie my name to it)

He is further dissuaded by the fact that anything we can buy will be 100% worse than where we are: given that what we're in now is about as good as it gets. We couldn't afford to buy at the standard we're renting.

I can afford to buy alone.
But what I can buy is smaller, scruffier, and in a worse area than where we are now. I would have to drive to shops, school, work etc. and the whole decision would likely lead to a separation with me and The Dad.

I'm increasingly tempted to just go it alone, buy what I want, and invite him to just 'come along' if he wishes. I know he wouldn't because he would not live where I can afford, so we'd likely split up.

It would, on paper, be worsening our children's lives. But their home would then be theirs.

And I would be financially independent. Which is always safer / wiser, no?

I'm also heavily, heavily reluctant to sign up to a joint mortgage. He is disorganised and woefully ill prepared with financial matters, and petty in arguments (so wouldn't just split the property amicably if we split up) I feel I'd be putting myself in a dangerous position where half of my housing would be reliant on him.

Would you:

1. Buy alone in a worse area
2. Buy together in a better area
3. Carry on renting and stop stressing about ownership?

But is it just that’s he is rubbish with paperwork and such like? My OH is rubbish with forms, applications and what not, is also self employed. We were renting for years until I took control. We both viewed properties and made the decision to buy, but I took care of all the paperwork, dealt with the broker, sorted out the solicitor etc. All he had to do was sign the relevant documents.

As a result, we have now bought a property together and secured ours and our children’s living accommodation without him having to put in any legwork. Works for us as I am quite good at that stuff and he is not. He is however, perfectly responsible about ensuring mortgage and bills etc are paid. Maybe that’s all that is required in your situation.

How about getting a smaller buy to let now that you can afford, and selling it in future to fund a home that is suitable for your kids?

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

I am not familiar with the BTL process, but plenty of people seem to simply buy, and then rent out. How does that work?

Either they have enough deposit for a BTL mortgage, or they're going against their mortgage agreement

You speak about this 'dad of the children' person in a very distant way.

Yes, you should buy a home so your kids have security at not being chucked out by a landlord every few months. However, you could risk losing it if the relationship with 'the dad of the children' falls through. I take it you're not married?

Pennethorne, I do sound distant, you're right. I would say that we tend to do most things separately do be honest: kid days out, holidays, spending. That's just what works for us, home buying may just be a natural extension of that approach.

However, I am also wondering, reading these, whether my idea is a symptom of being locked in together for a year (getting along well bar the odd spectacular blowout), and a very extreme expression of me needing my own space. Maybe I'll feel a lot happier to stay / buy together after a few nights at the pub and a trip to the office post lockdown

I get you, I’m currently in the process of buying a flat for my DC and so want to live their myself. It’s so nice and quiet and empty.

Buy somewhere on a buy to let mortgage and rent it out. Then you're on the ladder but can continue to stay where you are.