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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to force DD to wear a tie

45 replies

tiedilemma · 25/02/2021 23:15

When she goes back to school? (am aware this is a couple of weeks away but will need to contact school in advance)

DD16 has sensory issues and finds masks uncomfortable at the best of times, however she absolutely cannot wear a mask with anything around her neck. Last term she was putting her tie on after getting off the bus in the morning to solve this, but now that masks are going to be mandated in the classroom this won't be an option. I feel like it'd be more responsible to wear a mask with no tie rather than the other way round, or AIBU? And is there a better solution other than suck it up?

OP posts:

Cautionsharpblade · 25/02/2021 23:19

Why do schoolgirls even wear ties? It’s a male garment that they’re unlikely to wear again once they’ve left education

NoSquirrels · 25/02/2021 23:21

Would a clip-on tie work?

TheJackieWeaver · 25/02/2021 23:21

Contact the SENCO and discuss it in advance. If you just send her without a tie, she’ll get asked about it multiple times a day, but if it’s prearranged as a ‘reasonable adjustment’ then it will be easier for her.

Billandben444 · 25/02/2021 23:21

My grandson's school uniform includes a clip-on tie - would you be able to cobble one together for your daughter?

Original poster

tiedilemma · 25/02/2021 23:24

Sadly her school doesn't offer clip-on ties (I have checked in the past) so that wouldn't be an option. Obviously wasn't planning on just sending her in without one, I specified that in the OP!

OP posts:

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 25/02/2021 23:24

It pisses me off how uniforms for females are often just uniforms for males with skirts. Like we were an afterthought... because we were.

But i also know someone will be along in less than a minute to tell me ties are unisex, as are skirts.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 25/02/2021 23:25

I think it's absolutely fine to say she won't be wearing one, however every single teacher will pull her up on it which is going to be a massive pita. Can you try and make a clip-on tie? I agree you shouldn't have to, but I think in real life it's just going to be so much hassle for her to deal with.

pyjamas89 · 25/02/2021 23:31

Came to say the same as @HoldontoOneMoreDay!
I think it would be a completely reasonable adjustment for her not to have to wear one but if she could tolerate a clip on it may be the least hassle. I imagine it wouldn't be too tricky to make one from her normal tie?

Also agree with others about it being ridiculous that girls have to wear ties anyway. I'm autistic and had to wear a (hideous purple) tie through secondary school and it was not enjoyable, so I empathise.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 25/02/2021 23:34

@Cautionsharpblade

Why do schoolgirls even wear ties? It’s a male garment that they’re unlikely to wear again once they’ve left education

I don’t really understand why men would wear them either.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 25/02/2021 23:39

@Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a

It pisses me off how uniforms for females are often just uniforms for males with skirts. Like we were an afterthought... because we were.

But i also know someone will be along in less than a minute to tell me ties are unisex, as are skirts.

But nobody of either sex needs to wear a tie. Why is this a gender issue? I don’t see why you’re complaining about girls being made to wear ties rather than pointing out what a ridiculous item of clothing they are.

Borntohula · 25/02/2021 23:40

I don't have sensory issues and even i think that sounds uncomfortable and yes, unnecessary.

AlwaysLatte · 25/02/2021 23:40

Personally I'd just adapt a tie to make it a clip on type, or put it on loose elastic.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 25/02/2021 23:43

@AlwaysLatte

Personally I'd just adapt a tie to make it a clip on type, or put it on loose elastic.

Oh yeah, putting it on a elastic might work and be a lot easier to 'fashion' yourself.

neutraliseacid · 25/02/2021 23:55

@tiedilemma

Sadly her school doesn't offer clip-on ties (I have checked in the past) so that wouldn't be an option. Obviously wasn't planning on just sending her in without one, I specified that in the OP!

Make one yourself out of the school’s normal tie. Wouldn’t be hard

ItsDinah · 26/02/2021 00:06

Just turn it into a velcro clip on. Velcro on the tie and velcro on the shirt. You can get stick on velcro ,so no sewing required. You only need a pair of scissors. If it's important to her and you that she is visibly different to the other children,don't bother with the tie.

FireflyRainbow · 26/02/2021 00:09

Make a clip on one out of her school tie. Simples.

Original poster

tiedilemma · 26/02/2021 00:10

Well now I know what this weekend's project is going to be

OP posts:

2020iscancelled · 26/02/2021 00:11

If school are aware of her sensory issues then contact them and explain beforehand.

As a back up you could try making a clip on version (youtube will probably have something!), she might find she is ok with it. But id be contacting the school regardless.

They’re going to be having all sorts of issues with masks I doubt the tie is going to be of massive concern!

Sapho47 · 26/02/2021 00:12

@tiedilemma

Sadly her school doesn't offer clip-on ties (I have checked in the past) so that wouldn't be an option. Obviously wasn't planning on just sending her in without one, I specified that in the OP!

Make one?

Tie the tie, stich threw it knot with a needle and thread a few times so it's fixed trim the neck ring offand just attach a clip?

alexdgr8 · 26/02/2021 00:16

why send her to a school that wears ties if she can't abide them ?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2021 00:20

@alexdgr8

why send her to a school that wears ties if she can't abide them ?

Because op failed to forsee the global pandemic and move to wearing masks on school?

EnglishRose1320 · 26/02/2021 00:23

My ds' school have removed ties from the uniform for the duration of the pandemic, they want the children to have as few things as possible in school, don't want it dangling in anything, don't want them to have extra things to touch etc... and it has made things much easier for so many children. I don't think schools realise how much of a sensory thing a tie can be.

I hope you manage to find a solution, I think pp are right, if she isn't confident enough/likely to get upset, explaining it to every teacher why she hasn't got one then a home made clip on one is best. Although it is also worth checking what register system they use, my eldest ds went to a school that had a pupil passport on the register and it would alert the teachers to new information that they needed to read- so the tie issue could be discreetly circulated to each teacher.

Annabell80 · 26/02/2021 00:26

@alexdgr8

why send her to a school that wears ties if she can't abide them ?

Perhaps all the schools wear ties in local area. I know ours do.

Ilovemaisie · 26/02/2021 00:30

alexdgr8 where I live EVERY SINGLE SECONDARY SCHOOL has ties compulsory for both boys and girls.
Most of the Primaries too.

alexdgr8 · 26/02/2021 00:32

well they don't around here, esp girls only ones.

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