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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's my choice who to breast feed in front of?

49 replies

DaBoob · 25/02/2021 20:01

I am quite self conscious about my breasts, I don't know why I just always have been, they are very large and always been sore and something I've really hated about my body since teen years. I was adamant I wasn't going to breast feed but have ended up trying it.

I usually like to take myself off to my room to feed in the day so I can get comfortable and be on our own. It makes me feel better about the whole thing because quite frankly I'm not enjoying it but it's bearable if I can be as relaxed as possible.

The other day my DSC expressed that they wanted to watch baby have his dinner. I said I would happily answer any questions but politely said that they couldn't watch.

DH thinks I'm being unfair. I think it's up to me and whilst it's not wrong or even surprising that they may be curious, it is still ultimately my decision and if I'm not comfortable that should be the end of it?

OP posts:

levoyager67 · 25/02/2021 20:04

It's totally your choice! I breastfed but always took myself off if we at someone else's house or we had visitors

Annabell80 · 25/02/2021 20:05

Yes of course it's your choice. I don't think I'd want someone watching me feed my baby.
Tell your husband he can think it's unfair when he's actually experienced breastfeeding.

CherryRoulade · 25/02/2021 20:06

No, you need to feed where you are comfortable, particularly in the early days. If you feel stressed, let down is harder. Your breasts to share only with the people of your choosing. I had a friend who only ever fed upstairs in her bedroom - absolutely fine; her baby got breastfed which is far more important than using it at entertainment for the children.

We're all different. it might be in time you become more comfortable but if they are actively watching when you are uncertain, then it will feel even more uncomfortable.

bluebeck · 25/02/2021 20:06

YANBU

My two were EBF for 14 months each. It's totally your decision and you have to comfortable or you might not even get the let down.

I really enjoyed taking myself off to feed, it meant I got some alone time

MsOgyny · 25/02/2021 20:06

Absolutely it's up to you! They can watch an educational YouTube video if it's the mechanics they're interested in.

I'm not fussed most of the time, and will happily feed in public places (well, I would when I was allowed to sit on a bench....), but there are certain people in my life who I'm just not comfortable feeding around, so i take myself off somewhere.

Totally fine for you to feed in front of whoever you're comfortable with, and if that's nobody then that's fine. Your body.

TechnoDino · 25/02/2021 20:07

Your choice entirely. Tell your DH that BF isn’t a spectator sport! How old is DSC?

MeridianB · 25/02/2021 20:09

Why on earth does your DH think this is unfair?

How old are your SCs?

YADNBU! Just say no. It’s not a spectator sport.

Original poster

DaBoob · 25/02/2021 20:10

Thanks. It wasn't a serious disagreement or anything just a passing comment afterwards but it did rub me up the wrong way tbh. Like I was purposely excluding them.

They are 9 but very curious so I'm not surprised by the request.

OP posts:

ComDummings · 25/02/2021 20:10

YANBU your boobs your choice

FolkSongSweet · 25/02/2021 20:10

How old is your stepchild? Of course it’s your choice who you feed in front of but I can’t imagine refusing a young child’s request. If you have a second child will you feed away from your eldest?

It does really depend on the child though - big difference between a 4 year old and a 14 year old.

ComDummings · 25/02/2021 20:11

If they’re curious they could watch a video about breastfeeding on YouTube

Annabell80 · 25/02/2021 20:11

Perhaps soften the blow if your SC is upset by saying they can watch when the baby is older and eating solids.

peak2021 · 25/02/2021 20:11

Your choice, much as I wish you should not be ashamed or feel uncomfortable about it.

SnackSizeRaisin · 25/02/2021 20:11

Yanbu at all. It's important that children are taught to respect other people's privacy!

MeridianB · 25/02/2021 20:12

Yes, tell him to show them a video.

It’s wrong for him to make you feel bad.

Skysblue · 25/02/2021 20:12

Yanbu. I had my sister’s new boyfriend staring intently at my breasts while I tried to feed, I was beyond stressed and uncomfortable but didn’t know how to get out of the situation without being ‘uncool’ I wish I’d had the confidence to get up and go in a different room.

Do stick with it OP, when they’re ill / teething breastfeeding is such a godsend cos of all the natural antibiotics/painkiller.

KihoBebiluPute · 25/02/2021 20:13

It is your body. Nobody else gets to have an opinion.

asizmanners · 25/02/2021 20:13

That's bizarre, it's not a spectator sport. Why would he think it's appropriate to pressure you when it's not his body?!

You should bf wherever you feel comfortable op. It's as simple as that. Aside from it interfering with letdown if you're feeling stressed etc (I was massively affected if I was rushed or uncomfortable or stressed, baby picked up on it and struggled to latch, it was a nightmare). So from a pragmatic pov his stance is idiotic.

Your breasts are feeding a child but you still get to choose who sees them, it's quite simple and I wonder if he's trying to link the step kid relationship to it? As in, all my children are equal in my mind, so you should treat them the same? In other words, he's happy to shit on your bodily autonomy to shut down him being uncomfortable with you not having the same relationship with all children.

Mother87 · 25/02/2021 20:14

Absolutely your choice!

SnackSizeRaisin · 25/02/2021 20:15

I think nine is too old to be watching breastfeeding. If it was five year old or younger maybe a bit different.

MeridianB · 25/02/2021 20:15

I can’t imagine refusing a young child’s request. If you have a second child will you feed away from your eldest?

And so it begins.

It doesn’t matter who is asking. The OP gets to choose.

Youarenothere · 25/02/2021 20:16

Totally your choice. I remember how self conscious and vulnerable I felt about it at the start, my dh couldn’t understand as I’ve always been very body confident, but it just felt private (this change after about 3 months and I continued to breastfeed till DS was 2.5)

Original poster

DaBoob · 25/02/2021 20:19

If you have a second child will you feed away from your eldest?

Tbh I could see myself doing much the same i.e. taking myself off somewhere private if I were able to.

OP posts:

ColdCottage · 25/02/2021 20:19

Yanbu. However you might change your mind once you feel more confident. I too have large breasts and it took me until my second child to work how to nurse in public that I felt comfortable with (and cover up enough (me not my baby).

Your body your rules. Big breasts make it hard, especially for the first 6-9months as some people like myself have to hold the breast away from the babies nose so they can still breathe while they nurse.

Great to talk to your DSC about. Maybe you could watch some nursing videos together and also use it as a chance to teach about "your body your rules" privacy and consent at the same time in an age appropriate way.

I hope the nursing keeps going well. Well done you. It's not always easy.

Boopeedoop · 25/02/2021 20:21

Your body your choice.

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