Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to HATE pretend play?!

198 replies

Randomname85 · 25/02/2021 12:00

Am I?! Tell me I’m not the only one. Any sort of ‘mummy you be this and I’ll be that’ - I cannot bear it! Baking, drawing, anything else but if I hear the words ‘mummy let’s play frozen/paw patrol/moana’ I can’t help but internally make this face 😖

I think lockdown has only exacerbated my hatred of it.

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 25/02/2021 14:25

I have a kind of narcoleptic reaction to 'pretend this' play - I find it almost impossible to keep my eyes open. It's like I've taken sleeping pills. YANBU.

Jumpalicious · 25/02/2021 14:26

I agree. Pity me, a few summers ago, I had to pretend to be and play football every day (with my then 8 year old DS) during a summer holiday in the countryside (I hate football). Actually, those dreadful football sessions are now etched as happy memories in my mind. Funny how time plays tricks.

Agree my parents NEVER played with me...

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 25/02/2021 14:29

Another one who has no recollection of my parents playing with me. Or my grandparents. We’d bake or colour or read but no imaginative play!

LampsOn · 25/02/2021 14:29

Yes, it's awful. It's much manageable if you pretend to be a patient and your DC look after you. Another good one is 'sleepovers' when they tuck you into bed and you pretend to sleep.

NotAnotherUserNumber · 25/02/2021 14:32

I am the only one that loves it? I find it is an opportunity to find out about a child’s individual creativity and sometimes children come up with fascinating and unique ideas. I really miss that all the children in my wider family are too old for this now.

Also with a bit of creative thought you can make it into something wider than includes whatever you would rather be doing, or even better to cajole a child into doing something they don’t want to do. Eg. Child doesn’t want to stop playing and go have a bath but if you play mermaids or fish or something you can manipulatively make it seem like their idea 😂

Dyra · 25/02/2021 14:32

You and me both @Megan2018! I don't mind pretend play so much. Though, I imagine (as with all things children) it eventually becomes relentless, and we'll wonder why we ever wished for it in the first place.

On the other hand, I'm terrible at messy play. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Thank goodness nursery has that side covered. Maybe once DD doesn't continuously try to eat the paint/crayons/play-doh I'll find it better.

Pogostemon · 25/02/2021 14:39

Oh God, yes. Thank you for this post, was feeling so depressed lately and thinking that it was just me that was crap at playing.

My husband is really good at it. But then, he doesn’t have to keep thinking about the dinner or the laundry or food shopping, (he works full time and I work three days so I do more house stuff) so his one hour a day of child time is free from all distractions.

I get told things like ‘Mummy, you’re not my friend. Daddy is my friend.’ over and over because I hate being Thomas the blinking Tank Engine for hours. It’s hard enough at the moment without that!

FurrySlipperBoots · 25/02/2021 14:41

I love pretend play! On the whole anyway! I'm a nanny so do a lot of it. up to about an hour/90 minutes is fine, after that it starts to drag if it's not evolving. I don't like being bossed but I don't let them get away with dictating too much. The way i see it part of playing together is learning how to interact well with other humans, so it's ok to let them know when they're being unfair/annoying and you're getting fed up. Throughout lockdown I've been working with a family where the parents are at home, and the little one goes crying to them if I tell them after 2 hours I've had enough of a particular game, and they come in and tell me off and tell me I have to play what the kid wants!! Extremely tiresome!

What I don't like is when I join in with small world play and it takes an unrealistic turn. In my experience this is always with boys! Girls playing with the Playmobil zoo = getting together 'families' with the figures, having them get in their Playmobil cars and drive to the zoo, walk around looking at the animals, stop for lunch at the Playmobil cafe, listen to talks from the playmobil zookeeper and play nicely in the Playmobil children's play area. Boys in my experience tend to have the lions driving the vehicles, people who jump around like something from Marvel, and just bizarre creativity that makes no sense! I don't mind them playing together or alone like that of course, but I hate joining in when it's all ridiculous.

Symbion · 25/02/2021 14:42

Are you all sure your parents never did it with you? I have no memory of my mum doing so either, but you don't remember day to day stuff from when you were 2 or 3, and so many of us seem to have "learned" to play this way. My memories of pretend play are all very elaborate games I had going with my brother, no adults involved, but I think they would have grown out of simpler pretend games that did involve my mum, when I was much smaller. I remember my dad telling me he never did make believe with children as he found it all so embarrassing, which implies that my mum did even if I don't remember it.

I don't mind it myself with tiny ones, but my youngest is autistic and I'd rather have played princesses than do one 12 piece puzzle endlessly for several hours. I guess the grass is always greener.

ChocOrange1 · 25/02/2021 14:44

@AddUpToNothing

I agree!

And it was even worse when my daughter would tell me what my character should say and do as well! If I have to play this bloody game, at least let me decide what I get to say.

THIS! my daughter is nearly 4 and has started doing this. Even if I deviate slightly from the script I've been given, she gets all cross. I've started telling her I'm not going to play unless I get to say what I want rather than what she wants. What is the point of me even being there otherwise!
Chocolateandamaretto · 25/02/2021 14:44

Nope definitely not BU. I actually had a chat with my mum about this as I didn't remember her doing any sort of let's pretend with us and she told me she would just say "no, mummy doesn't play let's pretend, go and play with your sister" and that was that! I haven't been too scarred!

Now I use variations of that with my own kids. It's ok to tell them you don't want to do something! My husband is very good at spies/star wars/cars so I leave him to it and if one of them wants to play with me and I'm not up for it I say no, but offer other things that I am happy to do like a puzzle or baking. Failing that, they get told to play with their siblings! Maybe that makes me mean but honestly being a shop customer and being repeatedly told I'm buying the wrong thing makes me want to poke my eyes out with pencils....

ChocOrange1 · 25/02/2021 14:46

I don't mind pretend play to a point (as long as i don't get told what to say). What i also find annoying is the same short story over and over again.

MsTSwift · 25/02/2021 14:51

This is why you have play dates! Must be hell in lockdown.

That said I enjoyed playing Sindys with older children got all my vintage kit out.

DudeistPriest · 25/02/2021 14:51

I didn't mind it as long as I didn't have to move about a lot of sit in an uncomfortable position for too long. I quite liked making up weird stories too
I remember one about the evil version of Dora the Explorer as suggested by my DD who hated Dora for some reason. My DD is an only child so I often got roped into playing games when she was little. The thing I hated most was when she would try to get me to go in the paddling pool with her or have a water fight.

isadorapolly · 25/02/2021 14:53

I don't do that kind of playing with my children (which I sometimes feel guilty about) but I’m on baby number 8 and I learnt a long time ago life is easier and more enjoyable if I focus on the stuff I enjoy doing with them and do it lots. So lots of crafty, messy things and cooking, lots of trips to zoos and the cinema, but no role playing or cold winter walks.

I don’t feel too bad as they have plenty of siblings to play with Smile

CocoPark · 25/02/2021 14:54

Oh, same!! "Mummy do you want to play barbies with me?" NO, it's shit!!!!

I used to love playing barbies and babies as a kid so I feel v guilty for my lack of enthusiasm, glad it's not just me!

MsTSwift · 25/02/2021 14:54

Remember being the customer in a restaurant and having every order I put in gleefully refused as they had run out apparently

TommytheSquirrell · 25/02/2021 14:56

I agree with people saying they can't remember their mums playing imaginary games. My mum never played these games with me.

Loved imaginary play as a kid but always alone or with my sister (actually me just playing and forcing her to watch) but never with my mum, don't think I would've wanted her to.

Can't stand it now, can tolerate for half an hour max. I remember nannying in my early twenties and feeling like I had to for hours and hours on end. It was ALL they wanted to do! Horrendous.

Anotheruser02 · 25/02/2021 14:58

@FurrySlipperBoots

I love pretend play! On the whole anyway! I'm a nanny so do a lot of it. up to about an hour/90 minutes is fine, after that it starts to drag if it's not evolving. I don't like being bossed but I don't let them get away with dictating too much. The way i see it part of playing together is learning how to interact well with other humans, so it's ok to let them know when they're being unfair/annoying and you're getting fed up. Throughout lockdown I've been working with a family where the parents are at home, and the little one goes crying to them if I tell them after 2 hours I've had enough of a particular game, and they come in and tell me off and tell me I have to play what the kid wants!! Extremely tiresome!

What I don't like is when I join in with small world play and it takes an unrealistic turn. In my experience this is always with boys! Girls playing with the Playmobil zoo = getting together 'families' with the figures, having them get in their Playmobil cars and drive to the zoo, walk around looking at the animals, stop for lunch at the Playmobil cafe, listen to talks from the playmobil zookeeper and play nicely in the Playmobil children's play area. Boys in my experience tend to have the lions driving the vehicles, people who jump around like something from Marvel, and just bizarre creativity that makes no sense! I don't mind them playing together or alone like that of course, but I hate joining in when it's all ridiculous.

You have an employer problem. That kid will be a nightmare when Mummy and Daddy can't demand that the rest of the world falls into line when she cries. They sound horrible.
speakout · 25/02/2021 14:58

I hated it too, but never felt gulilty about it.

Parents are humans too, and there are may ways to lovingly parent without the need to do stuff you hate.

I would spend ages engaging in many other activities, puzzles, craft, baking with little ones, playing bubbles, throwing balls, painting, singing, dancing and much much more.
But I did not do the imaginative role play stuff.
I don't think my children suffered.
Luckily my next door neighbour had a DD the same age as mine, and they became best friends from a very early age- the Barbie role play was the best game they played for many years- and I was greatful for the get out!

garlictwist · 25/02/2021 14:59

Oh I love pretend play, I get very into it. The games I hate are "You pretend to be a monster and come and catch me". I'd rather sit on the sofa and play dolls.

shouldistop · 25/02/2021 15:02

I hate it too. I will do maybe 10 mins a day. Thank god my 4yo is actually very good at doing it himself and making his toys talk etc. I

HikeForward · 25/02/2021 15:02

I play with the playmobil by myself and let her join in 😂 she thinks they magically move at night!

speakout · 25/02/2021 15:03

Oh I love pretend play, I get very into it.

I think the thig is children will thrive as long as parents engage authentically at some level.
We don't need to love everything or provide every opportunity.
Children thrive on attention.
As long as that is given in some positive way then children will be happy.

shouldistop · 25/02/2021 15:07

@speakout definitely. I'm perfectly happy to have long chats with 4yo genuinely listening to him, tell funny jokes together, make up stories, do jigsaws, build Lego, draw, bake, cuddle up and watch a film, sing together but I don't like pretend play and I think that's ok.