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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change my birthday plans

31 replies

ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 09:40

Honestly not sure about this one. Yesterday was my birthday, and I planned to see a friend for a lovely catch up in the afternoon. In my mind the plan was dependent on good weather. The day before my birthday because of the weather forecast I tried to change the plan as didn’t want to get caught in the rain on my birthday but the friend reacted badly and said they’d moved their work day around for me and that I wasn’t being fair to change plans. I ended up meeting them anyway as felt bad although I got wet (as predicted) and didn’t enjoy seeing them anyway as they ended up telling me how unfair I was to try and change the plan, that it was selfish and so on. I ended up getting upset and spent my birthday afternoon feeling drenched and sad. Now I don’t know what to make of it all. They say I was in the wrong and I accepted it in our conversation on my birthday and apologised but - WIBU?

OP posts:
Same4Walls · 25/02/2021 09:43

In what way did you try and change the plan? Did you try and cancel completely? It's tricky at the moment as you obviously cannot meet up inside. I know it's rubbish that you got wet but unfortunately there isn't much other choice at present of you want to see people.

Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 09:45

Yes I tried to cancel completely when I realised it would rain as decided I wanted to spend my day curled up inside given the weather

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 25/02/2021 09:49

Well if your friend had rearranged her work day or booked time off I can understand her being upset if you tried to cancel the day before, but then I can also understand you not wanting to go for a walk in the rain. She shouldn't have banged on about it though when you did meet.

It's rubbish for everyone at the moment

Same4Walls · 25/02/2021 09:49

In which case no wonder she was cross at you. Sorry I think in this instance she wss right to be annoyed at you, it's pretty rubbish to want to cancel at such short notice.

JosephineBaker · 25/02/2021 09:50

If they’d swapped everything around or booked time off to spend it with you, yes, you were unreasonable. Take a brolly or meet somewhere with cover - I see a friend at the park bandstand if it’s raining. There’s no reason to make it a big deal. Dress for the weather and it wouldn’t matter.

If it was a torrential downpour, fair enough to cancel, but meeting for a chat in some rain is just how it goes in these days of not being allowed inside, isn’t it?

Snowymcsnowsony · 25/02/2021 09:50

Are you a witch op?

MyDcAreMarvel · 25/02/2021 09:52

Of course you were being unreasonable it’s a bit of rain. Do you not have a job?

Spied · 25/02/2021 09:53

If she'd changed her work day around (and doesn't work from home) then I totally get where she is coming from.
If she works from home then I think she is being a bit precious.
Either way she shouldn't have gone on about it when you did meet.

Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 09:56

Thanks all. I have a job but had taken a day of leave for my birthday. I hadn’t expected or asked the friend to move things around for me either - I was under the impression they were free anyway when we initially planned it

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AnnaPotter · 25/02/2021 09:57

She didn’t need to go on and on about it

Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 09:58

She was working from home that afternoon - we met near her house (which is a 30 min bus trip for me)

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JemimaTiggywinkle · 25/02/2021 09:58

If it was a loose plan that you’d both agreed you would confirm the day before depending on the weather, then it would be fine to change it.... but it sounds like it was a firm plan and your friend had gone to a lot of trouble to make sure she was a available. So YABU.

However, once you went ahead with the plan, she was also unreasonable to make the birthday outing unpleasant.... The exception being if you have form for making plans and then dropping them at the last minute. Is this something you do often?

TeenMinusTests · 25/02/2021 10:00

YABU because 'in your mind' it was weather dependent, but you didn't actually say so. Other people aren't mind readers.

user1493413286 · 25/02/2021 10:00

I think it’s a lack of communication issue so I understand both sides; it’s fair enough you didn’t want to get wet but you should have made it clear that it was weather dependent. Considering she moved work around for you it’s understandable she was upset when she thought it was a definite. Not really sure why she then continued to make a big deal of it though.

Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 10:00

Tbh no - it’s unusual for me to change plans once they’re locked. I think my motivation this time was wanting to have a birthday doing the things I knew would cheer me up but I accept I was unreasonable here

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Sparticuscaticus · 25/02/2021 10:02

To take a couple hours off during the day, I'd have to clear a space in my work diary and take AL hours. And I'd have gone out of my way to get her birthday card and pressie and maybe planned a few things for a fuss for her when we met.

Yes I'd be annoyed too if a friend cancelled at the last minute 'bc she fancied spending her birthday curled up inside'

If it was storms/severe weather warning that'd be different but, needing a brolly?

I wouldn't take time off in the day again for her

Nor would I bang on about it, but she would have made me feel shit, an afterthought when I'd put her first, and if she moaned about it, I'd be thinking how ungrateful and entitled she was.

Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 10:03

I feel really bad about it all 😞 I felt like I got a real telling off from her and also feel terrible about having been so selfish

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Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 10:05

There was no card or present or even a happy birthday but I probably deserved that

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Sparticuscaticus · 25/02/2021 10:11

OP, I agree with the others
You had different ideas and you didn't communicate yours. You should have said it was weather dependent

She probably wouldn't have thought you wanted her to change her work day around then, for a casual maybe meet up. You know your friend has a job, so I'm surprised you didn't ask if she was on leave or a day off.

Just because she's working from home, it doesn't mean her work is flexible and won't miss her if she's not there for a few hours. My work is intensive, despite wfh, that somedays I get little time for loo breaks or lunch and can end up working longer and later bc I'm wfh.

Sparticuscaticus · 25/02/2021 10:20

@ReadWritePlay

There was no card or present or even a happy birthday but I probably deserved that
Well

Your friend is being an a**e here , not to get a card, even quickly scribbled home made one & or a small pressie (chocolate bar at least) and definitely a happy birthday 🥳 said bc that costs nothing

ShalomToYouJackie · 25/02/2021 10:20

@ReadWritePlay

There was no card or present or even a happy birthday but I probably deserved that
That's not very nice of her at all OP, she didn't say happy birthday, didn't get you anything and spent your time together having a go at you, that doesn't sound like a nice person. Sorry your birthday wasn't what you wanted
Pansypotter123 · 25/02/2021 10:27

Would you usually exchange birthday gifts? How long have you been friends with her? And, is she usually this bossy? Or is this a one off on her part?

pinkyredrose · 25/02/2021 10:30

Why were you drenched, don't you have an umbrella?

Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 10:35

@pinkyredrose

Why were you drenched, don't you have an umbrella?
It was very windy - horizontal rain!
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Original poster
ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 10:35

And thanks everyone too - it’s helping me process things x

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