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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To change my birthday plans

31 replies

ReadWritePlay · 25/02/2021 09:40

Honestly not sure about this one. Yesterday was my birthday, and I planned to see a friend for a lovely catch up in the afternoon. In my mind the plan was dependent on good weather. The day before my birthday because of the weather forecast I tried to change the plan as didn’t want to get caught in the rain on my birthday but the friend reacted badly and said they’d moved their work day around for me and that I wasn’t being fair to change plans. I ended up meeting them anyway as felt bad although I got wet (as predicted) and didn’t enjoy seeing them anyway as they ended up telling me how unfair I was to try and change the plan, that it was selfish and so on. I ended up getting upset and spent my birthday afternoon feeling drenched and sad. Now I don’t know what to make of it all. They say I was in the wrong and I accepted it in our conversation on my birthday and apologised but - WIBU?

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkle · 25/02/2021 10:41

Your friend doesn’t sound very nice...
I can understand her not being happy that you wanted to cancel, but once you’d agreed you’d go, she shouldn’t have mentioned it again, and should have been nice to you on your birthday!

lunkitsmum · 25/02/2021 10:55

I wouldn’t of minded a bit if a friend messaged me the morning of a planned walk and cancelled because of rain. It sounds perfectly absolutely reasonable. Your friend sounds like a miserable bag to make you meet anyway then stay in a bad mood THEN totally ignore your birthday!!

PinotNoisette · 25/02/2021 10:57

Happy birthday for yesterday, OP. I've voted YANBU because I'm a firm believer in your-day-your-way when it comes to birthdays. There was obviously a misunderstanding where, rightly or wrongly, you didn't realise she'd made special arrangements and she thought you did.

But if she considers you such a good friend that she took time off specially and was willing to sit in the rain to see you then surely she would want to wish you a happy birthday and not spend the actual meetup making you feel bad. Obviously she was annoyed but she should have let it go.

I'm sorry your birthday wasn't what you'd hoped for.

Youllbeoldertoo · 25/02/2021 11:13

You’re putting too much emphasis on your birthday, does it matter if you get wet on your birthday? Your friend was good enough to change work to meet you and you wanted to cancel because of the rain. You sound a bit selfish. Birthdays are great and should be celebrated but you sound like my toddler does around his birthday!

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 25/02/2021 11:14

I think you are both but unreasonable. I think you were being unreasonable to cancel if she had taken a day off (appreciate you might not have known this). If it was me I might have said 'it looks like it's going to piss it down tomorrow and we'll likely get soaked, what do you think we should do' instead of cancelling on them.
But she made her feelings clear and you still went, she was then being unreasonable to go on about it, she had made her point and got the outcome she wanted so all she was doing was continuing to vent and make you feel like shit. She should have just wished you a happy birthday and tried to enjoy the rainy catch up

Wondergirl100 · 25/02/2021 11:17

It's lockdown she was probably looking forward to a chat with a friend, go easy on her!

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