To be mildly worried here? DD (3)

[Hollanda40]

To clarify background:

Last year I had some unresolved mental health issues (now resolved) which I didn't deal with well at the time. SS were involved and helpful after a couple of rough months.

Last year my DD went to nursery and told a member of staff she had been "terrified" when our back door smashed and "Mummy shouted at Daddy" (I didn't shout at Daddy, I shouted in shock at the door slamming and the glass smashing). They asked DS (9) what happened and he said the back door slammed and smashed and we got it sorted (IE what happened!). Unfortunately even though DS and DH reiterated what happened, nursery contacted SS. No follow up was made. They spoke to me and all fine.

Tonight I was getting our tea ready (kids had eaten) and I was doing chicken casserole. I was taking the casserole dish out of the oven to stir and wham. It slipped straight out the oven gloves and shattered everywhere. The kids were playing in the front room and alerted to the sound of smashing glass and me shouting (once) "Oh shitmonkeys!!!"

I cleaned the mess up, got rid of the glass etc and then immediately placated DD who really, really hates loud noises. I explained Mummy dropped the dish because I'm a butterfingers and I'm going to the shop later to buy something else. Accidents happen and sometimes things make us jump.

I must admit I am a little paranoid and wonder if DH should say something to nursery when he drops her off tomorrow morning? He WFH so does drop off, I do pick ups.

He says I'm being paranoid but I worry about her saying something and the Nursery acting on it. I know, accidents happen and in the big scheme of things it's not that bad.

It has been a day of it, she was sent home early from nursery with toothache (dental appointment booked for tomorrow, earliest we can get - I was hoping for today). She seems ok tonight, asleep and we're going to see how she is tomorrow morning to make a decision.

YABU: stop being paranoid! Things happen.
YANBU: Say something to the nursery before she can and calmly explain what happened. They are so reasonable.

I just worry that between that, the toothache and the one AND ONLY time I was late (out of my hands) for pick up was Monday (my bus was stuck in traffic and DH refused to go and fetch her as he was "busy", we live 5 mins away and at the time I was stuck I was 15-20 minutes away!!), that they may think something is wrong. It isn't, it's just been a long hard week where everything has gone Pete Tong!!

Advice would be helpful. Thanks!

Is eerything alright with your DH - its seems there is an undertone here of his behaviour being the cause

I wouldn't mention it. It's a completely normal thing to happen at home.

It's a shame the first response you got on here was claptrap. I would ignore that.

@Ileflottante

Why the fuck would he not go and pick his daughter up?

I wouldn’t mention it, by the way. If they say something, then just explain casually (because it was a non-incident) what happened.

But again, why the fuck was he happy to leave his daughter stuck at school while you were stuck on a bus?

I don't know. But what I DID say when he called me today to say nursery phoned and said she had toothache (I work in a hospital and could not just get away at 1.00pm) was "You are 5 minutes away. Go and get her please and take her to be seen by a dentist immediately please." I got him grumbling at me. But I made it clear that until now I've always been the one to take time off getting her early and taking time off with either when they're ill and work expect (rightfully IMO) that he needs to step up and do his bit too especially as he WFH.

Also ignore @Mistystar99. Had a bit of a browse and daft, bolshy posts seems to be their MO.

@Quartz2208

Is eerything alright with your DH - its seems there is an undertone here of his behaviour being the cause

He's never been that... uncooperative before. I understand he's working too but I work over an hour away and he's at home 5 mins away. He needs to step up.

He was ‘working from home’ five minutes from the school, you were working at a hospital, and he got arsey about picking her up when she’s poorly? Fuck sake. There’s a ream of posts at the moment about men that piss me off.

I’m sorry OP. Please don’t worry about the broken dish. I hope you’re feeling better these days and I’m sorry about your casserole. And your stupid husband.

I'd reassure her then just leave it.

This whole Covid thing isn't easy for him having to homeschool DS at the same time either so I do cut him some slack for that. But I was angry because she's 3 and doesn't understand that much why people are late. If it had been DS he really wouldn't have been too worried... simply said oh Mummy's bus might be late she'll phone in a minute, something like that. A 3 year old is entirely different!!!

I cut him some slack but leaving our 3 year old not knowing where we were was too much even for me and believe me I went quietly mad at him when the kids were in bed and they wouldn't overhear!

@Ileflottante

He was ‘working from home’ five minutes from the school, you were working at a hospital, and he got arsey about picking her up when she’s poorly? Fuck sake. There’s a ream of posts at the moment about men that piss me off.

I’m sorry OP. Please don’t worry about the broken dish. I hope you’re feeling better these days and I’m sorry about your casserole. And your stupid husband.

Don't. When he grumbled at me today I'd had enough for one week and said very loudly and clearly to him that he will do as I'm asking, pick her up and get her to a dentist.

All this lockdown is hard enough without him being a dick and making it harder!!!

Hi there. If it’s any reassurance to you I would try to not waste any more time worrying about this (I speak as a lifelong worrier btw). I was a senior frontline social worker for many years and have investigated all manner of situations. Based on these details I wouldn’t have been concerned about a woman who had sworn once, albeit loudly, with kids in a different room, because she’d gone to the trouble of making a casserole only for it to smash on the floor. You are human, who wouldn’t react similarly in those circumstances? I completely sympathise with your worry based on the fact that social services have been called out previously though and understand your wish to preempt things, given your daughter saying something at nursery previously. I really don’t think you need to though, it doesn’t really warrant explanation. You’ve already said you reassured your daughter immediately, especially as she hates loud noises. So you responded in a caring manner after clearing any hazardous mess - all responsible and appropriate reactions. As for your daughter’s toothache - totally unrelated (but I hope she’s feeling better). You were once late for nursery collection - again, pretty unremarkable. I think your worries may be compounded due to the mental health issues you’ve contended with and perhaps you’re worried you’d be judged on that. You say you’ve dealt with these & now ensure you’re in a good place for your family. That you’ve accepted input & support before is reassuring as presumably you’d do so again if you felt that was necessary. This is fantastic, you should be proud. Give yourself that headspace now and don’t let this minor incident rattle you - worrying doesn’t help or change anything. If you think any of this is indicative of something worse with your health then obviously do speak to someone but based on the information you’ve shared here, it seems like a very minor incident. I think you should try not let it worry you any more than it already has.

Ps please excuse my essay of a post!

Ps I only just saw the recent posts about your husband after writing my post. It seems your frustration is more so with him regarding the late collection. I can understand that this would stress you out.

Is eerything alright with your DH - its seems there is an undertone here of his behaviour being the cause

I got that impression too...that there's possibly more to this?

I wouldn't mention it to them OP, you'll look guilty as sin and they will automatically think you're trying to cover someething up. I do understand your concerns given past event but you have done nothing wrong and have no need to explain yourself.

I think the advice from Wkills at 23:30 is spot on. The voice of experience!
OP please listen to that advice as it is brilliant and so reassuring for you.

Morning guys!

After careful thought about what's best for DD, we've decided not to send her to Nursery today anyway. I'm not going to say anything as she's probably forgotten it by now. :)

Thank you all xxx

@GretaBritain

I think the advice from Wkills at 23:30 is spot on. The voice of experience! OP please listen to that advice as it is brilliant and so reassuring for you.

I have to agree.

Thank you Wkills :)

I have no clue what @mistystar99 is on about. Some posters are just here to make others feel like shit. So a door smashed and you dropped a casserole dish. Really?! Like... If you hadn't started your post with 'i had mental health issues' and just said 'the door smashed and i shouted out in shock' everyone would be like... So? Neither of these things are bad but your sayung you had MH issues is like inviting posters to read more into it and wonder if maybe more happened. You did nothint wrong. I'd tell my husband to say something along the lines of " Since you called social services when a door broke I thought we'd better warn you she dropped a casserole dish by accident last night so we don't get reported again' in a slightly bitchy way because I'd be bitter about being reported for something so ridiculous in the first place.

I'm not sure what @Mistystar99 means 🤷🏻‍♀️

You dropped an oven dish (it's not a big deal).

If it makes you feel better then mention it but I don't know how you would as it's not a big deal.

Personally I don't think it's good having toothache at 3. Are you practicing good dental hygiene (teeth cleaning twice a day and no sweets and fizzy/soft drinks).

Don't worry about being late, especially if it rarely happens.

I think you're being too hard on yourself.

You had a breakdown in 2019 so you must try and be kinder to yourself.

List all the things you do right - write it down. We tend to focus on what we do wrong.

Ps I can't believe school called SS over that one incident

@Mistystar99

Ouch. Have a good read back about what you've said from your DD's point of view. If you really can't see it, then look again. And again

I can't see it either. Perhaps you could explain.

@Bumblebee1980a

I'm not sure what *@Mistystar99* means 🤷🏻‍♀️

You dropped an oven dish (it's not a big deal).

If it makes you feel better then mention it but I don't know how you would as it's not a big deal.

Personally I don't think it's good having toothache at 3. Are you practicing good dental hygiene (teeth cleaning twice a day and no sweets and fizzy/soft drinks).

Yes we do have good dental hygiene. DD has inherited my bad weak teeth whereas DS has his Dad's good strong teeth. DD now has a "buzzy brush" she loves and uses. Twice a day cleaning. Unfortunately her dentist said sometimes this does happen. We've restricted sweet things to after meals. Drinks are water or milk or juice with a meal. She's due to have another coating of something to protect her teeth. It seems to be only back teeth she gets issues with...she missed last appointment due to lockdown or would have had her next 3 month appointment then. It is a concern as someone who has had teeth issues from being a kid myself. I take oral health very seriously!

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

I have no clue what *@mistystar99* is on about. Some posters are just here to make others feel like shit. So a door smashed and you dropped a casserole dish. Really?! Like... If you hadn't started your post with 'i had mental health issues' and just said 'the door smashed and i shouted out in shock' everyone would be like... So? Neither of these things are bad but your sayung you had MH issues is like inviting posters to read more into it and wonder if maybe more happened. You did nothint wrong. I'd tell my husband to say something along the lines of " Since you called social services when a door broke I thought we'd better warn you she dropped a casserole dish by accident last night so we don't get reported again' in a slightly bitchy way because I'd be bitter about being reported for something so ridiculous in the first place.

He didn't call social services did he?

Oh never mind @SmeleanorSmellstrop I totally misread that (love the name(

@Bumblebee1980a

Don't worry about being late, especially if it rarely happens.

I think you're being too hard on yourself.

You had a breakdown in 2019 so you must try and be kinder to yourself.

List all the things you do right - write it down. We tend to focus on what we do wrong.

Ps I can't believe school called SS over that one incident

Neither can I. Especially as DS with no trouble recounted exactly what happened and it matched with DH's response and mine. If DS had mentioned shouting and Mummy crying or shouting at Daddy (which didn't happen) I would understand!!!