Aibu to expect a thankyou?

[Swordfish1]

I cook dinner most nights. To be fair dp cooks very occasionally and the older dc do cook one night each every 2 weeks.
But I’ve noticed dp only ever says thankyou if I’ve cooked something he really likes.

Take tonight. I tried a new recipe. It was ok, not the best but it was fine. It still took over an hour to cook after a full days work and I just feel pissed off that there was no thankyou for dinner.

Whenever anyone cooks anything for me, whether I like it or not, I’ll always say thankyou. Because they took the effort to do it. I wouldn’t only say thankyou if I really liked it.

Every single time dp cooks I say thankyou. It costs nothing, takes 2 seconds and makes the person who has spent time doing it feel appreciated. Surely that’s common decency?

I know I should just say something but I’m so sick of bringing up all these little things. Every single person in my house for example, in the morning will walk past a closed curtain and not open it. Or at night, not close it. I get these are little things but they are really starting to annoy me.

And tonight, dp wasn’t ‘that keen’ on the dinner. Fair enough. But surely a thankyou for cooking it for me wouldn’t go amiss.
Aibu?

We both work full time. The dc are mine not his do I have all the stuff that goes with them. I finish work and immediately am straight into home stuff. Dp finishes work and needs ‘down time’

Am I alone in this? I mean, just a thankyou. Surely not that bloody hard to say?

We’ll point out to him that it’s expected. I mean he’s clearly ill mannered but it’s not the end of the world.

YANBU. My OH and 5yo say thank you before we start eating every single night. It's just courteous and shows you appreciate the effort. I do the same when OH cooks. Otherwise it's just a given that you cook and is expected of you. They are all old enough to know better.

I'm with you OP. A thank you costs nothing but means a lot. Would he notice/care if you didn't thank him?

As for the curtains, empty loo rolls, stuff on stairs to go up etc etc. No idea but please let me know if you solve that one

I totally agree - so bleeping rude to take other people's cooking for granted. I can't imagine not saying thank you if somebody cooked me a meal, relative or not.

I think you're totally justified to feel the way you do,OP. You need to bring it up with him and explain how you feel.
In my house it's my DP that does most of the cooking and I'm pretty sure I always say thank you (I'll also tell him if it wasn't as amazing as it usually is - he's a very good cook and he usually comments first if it's not up to scratch! :)
He also thanks me when I cook regardless of the quality but hes always keen to compliment it if it's turned out well.
However he is hopeless with empty loo rolls, blinds and curtains, list goes on. All these things have got more annoying over the last year. Sigh.

Yes, it’s just this past few months I’ve noticed. And always if it’s something he wasn’t so keen on. So it seems it’s only worth a thankyou if it’s really good.
I’ve tried a few new recipes of late, trying to make dinner a bit more interesting and healthier and I do enjoy cooking most of the time although in the week after work it’s always a bit of a chore.

And yes, loo rolls! I mention this so much and it’s always met with I forgot or I was in a rush or some such.

Just having a moan really, and feeling a bit unappreciated of late. The dc do generally say thankyou but I’ve noticed the same with them in that if they weren’t keen on it, sometimes there’s nothing.

I think I’ll have to say something but it’ll probably be met with dp saying he always say thankyou and I’m just moaning again. (Me asking people in this house to do anything is apparently moaning).

It takes a second to make a well thought out remark- of course he should say thank you. My kids are washing up daily now and they have become more aware of how much work it is. They always get a thank you - I am proud of them all and they know it

I get that it's polite to say thank you, but I also think it's pointless making an adult say thank you, as it will be so meaningless going forwards.

He's just rude.
Over 48 years Dh has thanked me for every meal/tea/coffee etc that I've made for him.
I've thanked him too for the same.
Our, now, adult kids and now DGC's do it too.
It's not difficult and appreciation makes life just that little bit nicer.

So, you both work ft and you do more work at home, is that right?

How about, when you fancy cooking the meal he didn't say thank you to again, don't make any for him. If he queries why - 'well, you didn't like it last time.'

@arethereanyleftatall

So, you both work ft and you do more work at home, is that right?

How about, when you fancy cooking the meal he didn't say thank you to again, don't make any for him. If he queries why - 'well, you didn't like it last time.'

That’s a really passive aggressive way to handle it.

Op, just tell him you find it incredibly rude and uou expect curtains opened etc, a calm clear conversation.

Tell him you expect a thank you - it's a bad influence on the children if you don't get it. If he doesn't start doing it, then stop making and effort and wack down baked potatoes and fillings till he does.

If you both work FT you should be splitting cooking 50/50, unless he does more housework, so I'd crack down on that.

Re not doing little jobs - can you try divvying up some jobs like filling up the loo roll stack on Sunday / emptying the dishwasher in the AM - do a rota and stick in on the kitchen wall.

It sounds like you might be working yourself too hard on the cooking - so a) make him do more and b) do some easier meals .

In our home we show gratitude to the person (either me or DH) Every meal. The kids say thank you & so do we, before we even start the meal.

YANBU to expect a thank you.

Surely saying "thank you" when someone does something for you, such as preparing a meal, is the most basic of manners - it's one of the first things we teach our children to say.

@Swordfish1, It sounds as if your family members need a refresher course on good manners. I would suggest using the same method we employed when our DDs were still tiny, had grasped the concept of 'Good Manners', but may have been distracted on occasion and forgotten to use them. If I placed their dinner plate on the table in front of a member of your family and they failed to say "Thank you", then I would swiftly remove the plate, whilst making eye contact with them and waiting for the 'Good Manners' reflex to kick in and for them to thank me.

It sounds like you need to remind your family that you are not there to wait on them - but that even if you were, you would still be deserving of their thanks. If things don't improve, I would stop cooking and doing laundry for those members of your family who can't seem to grasp a concept that a two year old can master. I would be disappointed at the lack of respect and kindness they are displaying to you.

YANBU. We have exactly the same with our teens with opening curtains, turning lights off, feeding the cat etc but DH does do these things.

I don't think anyone is living their best life at the moment. We are all a bit pissed off and snappy.

I'm going to go against the grain here, my DH does all the cooking. He likes it and he's better at it than me. I don't say thank you every night. I do every now and again when we've been busy or it was a particularly hard meal to make. I feel like it would be robotic and meaningless otherwise. Similarly, he doesn't always say thank you when I clean the bathroom, put the washing away or empty the cat litter tray. We share household tasks of which cooking is one. Plus the occasional thank you means more to me because I feel like the feeling behind it is genuine.

I always say thank you as it’s ingrained in me as we did that as a child but in DHs family they didn’t and he doesn’t. I mentioned it to him once and he said that he doesn’t have an issue saying it but equally if I cook then he clears up and he doesn’t get or expect a thank you for clearing up and questioned how it was different.

He sounds rude.

Is he bringing anything to your life?

Doesn't sound like it.

Saying thank you for EVERY meal I cook or sandwich I make is a very basic courtesy my children and husband don't have to be reminded about.

Sounds like you are doing too much.

If he calls you a nag, he really doesn't sound very nice at all.

Stop doing so much and have a good hard look at your partner.

He doesn't sound like any great prize.

Take care.

We always say thank you for cooking in our house as we all hate it.
They are a nightmare on mess though. Recently I put some paper on the floor to see how long they'd take to pick it up. Two weeks went by with husband and children walking past it. When I finally pointed it out they all found it funny and can still walk past things on the floor without picking them up 😡

@Annabell80

We always say thank you for cooking in our house as we all hate it. They are a nightmare on mess though. Recently I put some paper on the floor to see how long they'd take to pick it up. Two weeks went by with husband and children walking past it. When I finally pointed it out they all found it funny and can still walk past things on the floor without picking them up 😡

Passive aggressive way to deal with messy teens is for some stuff that they need to go 'missing'.

Just take bits and pieces and offer no suggestions as to where these things are.

Eventually offer the suggestion of a clean-up to find these things.

It pisses them off no end and gives you a release for your annoyance.

Works for a lovely friend of mine who is too quiet.😁

@billy1966 ooh now that is tempting!! I have done it once of twice with things like phones left on the floor asking to be trodden on. Popped them in a random drawer "to keep them safe".

@GhostPenguin

I'm going to go against the grain here, my DH does all the cooking. He likes it and he's better at it than me. I don't say thank you every night. I do every now and again when we've been busy or it was a particularly hard meal to make. I feel like it would be robotic and meaningless otherwise. Similarly, he doesn't always say thank you when I clean the bathroom, put the washing away or empty the cat litter tray. We share household tasks of which cooking is one. Plus the occasional thank you means more to me because I feel like the feeling behind it is genuine.

I think maybe your view point is just different to most. Most folks share chores and don’t say thank you to each other for doing it. Cooking someone a meal is usually perceived differently.

In our house we say thank you.

[quote Symbion]@billy1966 ooh now that is tempting!! I have done it once of twice with things like phones left on the floor asking to be trodden on. Popped them in a random drawer "to keep them safe".[/quote]
I read on here about hiding chargers years ago.

Worked a treat when a certain son wasn't being cooperative a few years ago.

Totally messed with him.
Drove him mad.

It worked.

Same friend would gather lots of their stuff lying about into a black bag and put it into her boot of her car.

Drove them mad too, but worked.
They became paranoid about their stuff and keeping it all in their bedrooms.

She also refused to have anything to do with their bedding...they had to strip.

If their rooms were messy, she kept their doors shut so that her cleaner knew not to go near their rooms.

These things all helped.

While YANBU, you do need to pick your battle carefully. I would let this go as you will get a thank you, just not all the time.

"Passive aggressive way to deal with messy teens is for some stuff that they need to go 'missing'.

Just take bits and pieces and offer no suggestions as to where these things are.

Eventually offer the suggestion of a clean-up to find these things.

It pisses them off no end and gives you a release for your annoyance.

Works for a lovely friend of mine who is too quiet.😁"

Way to go !

Love it !