Work contacting me on my days off

[Suzie2124]

I work part time, get paid part time but people from work keep contacting me. There are meetings each week on my days off and they make it very clear I need to attend, they’re recorded but not always shared so they expect me to attend these virtual meetings. I don’t anymore as I don’t get paid (have asked and been told there’s no money in budget to pay me extra days).

I keep getting emails to get things sent by so and so time on my day off. I’m getting pissed off now so don’t check anymore but I get deep anxiety about what’s been emailed and what’s being asked. I’ve set an out of office now so no one can pretend they forgot it was one of my days off.

There’s also a new colleague who started same time as me but he is brand new to the job whereas I have experience. He will text me on my days off asking about things. I didn’t mind in the beginning as it took literally 5 minutes to just text back and explain etc. But now I’m getting pissed off and getting short with my kids as I’m replying to his messages whilst they’re asking me for stuff! I sent a nice but direct text reply today to his question that I don’t want to think about work on my day off and will respond to him when I’m back. If you knew me in real life you would describe me as very nice, helpful and kind person so this was completely strange for me to do and I feel a bit guilty but also I needed to say that!

I feel like I’m going crazy. There’s so much to always catch up with. There’s at least
3 really important meetings I miss as it’s my days off. I feel really anxious and overwhelmed. I feel my heart racing at the thought of opening my emails when I get back to work and seeing all the things they wanted done on my day off. Any advice please? I really hope I get at least one reply on this as I have no one to talk to about it in RL.

What has your boss said about it? You need to start with them. Sounds like you've set some boundaries so just keep sticking to them. Don't attend meetings on your day off and deal with stuff when you're back. If the workload is too much you need to speak to your manager about it.

It sounds like they want you to work full time for part time pay. Don't put up with that and talk it out with your manager.

Thanks for your reply! Yes I feel I’m setting boundaries. Boss is not very good in the slightest. She ignores any email I send her about anything. I think that’s why the colleague texts me as I believe she must do this to everyone. I might be wrong tho not sure. I hate working there. Not sure if it’s because of covid or if it’s just the place.

Do the meetings always happen on your day off? Can you move your day off?
Don't let work take the piss. Don't check your emails, don't answer any texts. If they want you on "standby" for questions etc, then they pay you.

@MissConductUS yes I totally agree.

You need to be very firm & set boundaries. Days off & annual leave are protected time so you should not be contacted. Also mute any WhatsApp groups & put your phone on do not disturb if you can. I would also explain to your manager what you have said here, work is invading your home life on your days off & this is making you anxious. If it carries on, you will probably get burnt out & go off sick. They should arrange for someone to cover any of your urgent work when you are not in. Do the company have a work life balance policy?

Would changing your days off to the days of the important meetings be feasible? I understand that it might not be for several reasons.
What sort of job is it? The sort of job you are lucky to have? Only you can decide whether it behoves you to be available out of hours sometimes, whether you get flexibility in return, whether it is actually possible to do your job in fixed part-time hours. Accommodating regular meetings is one thing, irregular ones another. If it's that important that you are at a meeting, then maybe your employers need to make sure that it is arranged at a time you can attend.

@londongirl12 no I can’t move my days off as it won’t work out. I’m very low down so I don’t host the meetings or even talk but important things are said that never get passed down to me. It’s actually better in lockdown as they are recorded and sometimes shared. When lockdown ends and physical meetings happen I will miss out on important stuff again.

Glad you have put out of office on your email on your days off.

Don’t reply to any texts - even nicely and probably start looking for a new job if it all continues.

I think you need to remember you are not paid to care, you are paid to work the hours allocated. Well done on putting boundaries in place so far.

For a long time I thought my workplace contacting me outside of my working hours was because people didn't realise what my actual hours were as I was home based, and the others were in the office. Then I discovered that the 24x7 teams had actually been told I was contactable at any time because "Lunar lives in her office". Which was very convenient for the company as all my male office based colleagues get paid for overtime, and I don't.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think main thing is I feel bad for getting annoyed with the colleague asking for help. Yes I would love to be be helpful but getting a text on my days off puts me in a spiral as I start thinking about work and getting anxious. I have used mute but then I get anxious if it’s something important as you can see the message when I go to text family / friends for example.

Could you get a cheap phone and new sim and let work know you've 'changed' your number and turn that phone off on your days off?

I think you just need to be very firm and very clear - sorry, I can’t do that as I don’t work Wednesdays. Sorry colleague I’m not working today so I can’t help with this- don’t respond if you get another message. No other discussion or follow up.
I think you need to put time in with your manager to discuss properly and explain that you keep getting these requests and you’re pushing back, but you don’t work these days so you can’t do meetings or answer queries on them.

Also might help to put a note on your email signature such as ‘my working days/hours are X, Y and Z’ so it’s clear, and maybe a line in your out of office along the lines of ‘I’m out of the office without email access as my working pattern is X/Y, but will respond to your email on my return’.

Hi there,

I know it's a faff, but it might be worth changing your mobile number so that they can no longer text you. Texting really is an intimate form of communication, and your employers shouldn't have access to it unless you're completely happy about it.

I'd say keep up with the boundaries, and if you can get rid of the day-off texting, and simply ignore emails (which you won't actually need to see, as you would a message on your phone), then they may eventually get the message. In the meantime, look for a new job

Also might help to put a note on your email signature such as ‘my working days/hours are X, Y and Z’ so it’s clear, and maybe a line in your out of office along the lines of ‘I’m out of the office without email access as my working pattern is X/Y, but will respond to your email on my return

This is what I do. I've been part time for years & have has plenty of practise at ignoring stuff on my days off.

You need to keep flagging it to your manager, especially if your new colleague can't do elements of their job, it's not up to you to answer his questions of your day off.

@Suzie2124

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think main thing is I feel bad for getting annoyed with the colleague asking for help. Yes I would love to be be helpful but getting a text on my days off puts me in a spiral as I start thinking about work and getting anxious. I have used mute but then I get anxious if it’s something important as you can see the message when I go to text family / friends for example.

Get a work mobile. Only use that number for contacting them.

If too many work people have your current number then use that as work only and change your friend and family number to a new one.

Turn the work phone off on days off - or, if your phone allows you to, set an autoreply. On an iphone you can MANUALLY set the "autoreply while driving" feature - and you can alter the message to say "I am away from the office today, your message will be dealt with on my return. If urgent contact XXX"

I worked p/t and learned how to really set good boundaries. You need two phones.

As an employer I can see both sides of this. But they should not be contacting you on your days off and they should take the time to brief you as to what happens in the meetings you can't attend.

In reality, unless you are in a customer facing role, things are rarely that urgent, they can send an email and you can reply when you are next in the office.

If things don't improve, you should consider raising "a grievance" with your manager.

I have a separate work mobile and laptop. They get turned on during work hours and off during others and my messages on my email and phone state the hours I work and that I can only respond during those times. At the moment, there is no incentive for your work to change this around, because you are taking all the responsibility for missing things, responding and feeling bad about it. You cant be held responsible for things they wanted you to do when you were not there or things they agreed and did not tell you about. Ask your workmate to keep a list of questions that you will answer when you are back in the office. Tell your manager that you cannot do your job if you are not kept in the loop about things agreed when you are not there. If that does not improve and there is any comeback to you, raise a grievance. I once had someone at work who found and used my private mobile number (we have an emergency contact file in the central office) to call me with an inane question when I was on holiday. I hung up on her after explaining I was not at work.

Yes, buy a cheap PAYG phone and tell work that that number is your new number. Then turn it off when you're not working.

Are your meetings minuted? If they are, you can pick up anything you need to know from the minutes, if not, and they stop recording them, they'll need to email you to your work email and tell you anything relevant to your work.

They're taking the piss.

The other alternative would be to carry on as you are, but to insist on taking TOIL for the time you spend on work stuff on your day off.

I do 17 hours pw over 3 days, and they never expect me to respond to anything when I'm off, or ring me on my personal phone about work matters.

When I volunteer to do stuff outside my working hours, eg if one of my cases gets a tribunal hearing on a day when I don't normally work, I do it and take TOIL later in the week. And my manager is always very appreciative that I do this, and my flexibility is always mentioned as a positive in my annual appraisal.

I once had someone at work who found and used my private mobile number (we have an emergency contact file in the central office) to call me with an inane question when I was on holiday. I hung up on her after explaining I was not at work.

I had someone call me at 6:45 AM with an "emergency" question. I hadn't worked there for almost a year. She was quite put out when I wouldn't help her.

I'd decline them and state I will never attend on those days but x days are fine. If they don't move it I would expect them to send you minutes and actions, but it's rude of them to continue.

Set boundaries. The only time you should be contacted on your days off are if there is something such as a building closure that affects your working days.

Consistently decline the meetings. It’s ridiculous they expect you to attend on your days off.

Why do you have your work phone on when you aren't working?

If it is a personal phone, why on earth did you give this new colleague your number? If this is what you did you will have to do what PP suggested and get a cheapo PAYG and give everyone at work the new number, and leave it off.

Don't check emails etc when you are off. They will soon get the message.

I'm usually contactable on my non work days and will often deal with things. But it's my choice to have my work phone on. I've got myself into a rock/hard place because not knowing what's going on in my inbox makes me more anxious than not knowing what I'll face on my next working day. But I'm in a senior legal role and the buck often stops with me on difficult and potentially high profile things - especially with litigation. I have a really good relationship with senior clients and will often tell me they can call me anytime. But in return as get a lot of flexibility generally and have a very supportive boss.

Things did get a bit much when my job share went on maternity and ended up working a lot of extra hours and felt overwhelmed. I talked to my boss and he agreed to pay me extra.

I think you need to start with a conversation with your manager but it's not right that you are not properly briefed if a meeting in on your non working day. I often miss team meetings but minutes are always circulated.