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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work contacting me on my days off

44 replies

Suzie2124 · 24/02/2021 18:02

I work part time, get paid part time but people from work keep contacting me. There are meetings each week on my days off and they make it very clear I need to attend, they’re recorded but not always shared so they expect me to attend these virtual meetings. I don’t anymore as I don’t get paid (have asked and been told there’s no money in budget to pay me extra days).

I keep getting emails to get things sent by so and so time on my day off. I’m getting pissed off now so don’t check anymore but I get deep anxiety about what’s been emailed and what’s being asked. I’ve set an out of office now so no one can pretend they forgot it was one of my days off.

There’s also a new colleague who started same time as me but he is brand new to the job whereas I have experience. He will text me on my days off asking about things. I didn’t mind in the beginning as it took literally 5 minutes to just text back and explain etc. But now I’m getting pissed off and getting short with my kids as I’m replying to his messages whilst they’re asking me for stuff! I sent a nice but direct text reply today to his question that I don’t want to think about work on my day off and will respond to him when I’m back. If you knew me in real life you would describe me as very nice, helpful and kind person so this was completely strange for me to do and I feel a bit guilty but also I needed to say that!

I feel like I’m going crazy. There’s so much to always catch up with. There’s at least
3 really important meetings I miss as it’s my days off. I feel really anxious and overwhelmed. I feel my heart racing at the thought of opening my emails when I get back to work and seeing all the things they wanted done on my day off. Any advice please? I really hope I get at least one reply on this as I have no one to talk to about it in RL.

OP posts:

OurChristmasMiracle · 24/02/2021 19:51

Don’t open emails or respond to texts or calls from work on your days off. In fact how did colleagues get your number? Did you give it to them or someone else? If it’s someone else raise it with your manager that you don’t expect your personal number to be given out for work purposes.

I would also state to your manager that as the meetings are not on work time and you aren’t being paid or given the time back you will be unable to attend.

Invisablewoman · 24/02/2021 19:52

I should add that I'm very conscious that I have a very good employer who didn't blink at giving a senior in house legal role to a someone who works part-time. It is unlikely that I would get this flexibility in other legal organisations/firms and there is , as a result, good will on all sides.

BackforGood · 24/02/2021 19:54

@NoGoodPunsLeft

Also might help to put a note on your email signature such as ‘my working days/hours are X, Y and Z’ so it’s clear, and maybe a line in your out of office along the lines of ‘I’m out of the office without email access as my working pattern is X/Y, but will respond to your email on my return

This is what I do. I've been part time for years & have has plenty of practise at ignoring stuff on my days off.

You need to keep flagging it to your manager, especially if your new colleague can't do elements of their job, it's not up to you to answer his questions of your day off.

All of this ^

I don't have any issue with people sending me e-mails on my day off, as I don't open them until my working days. That is how e-mail works.

I also have a work phone so that is off when I'm not at work so I have no idea what messages there are until a working day - I realise that is more difficult if you don't need a work phone.

This year, I've been asked to represent our Team at an external meeting which they set up the first meeting (no consultation or choice) on a non working day. There really aren't many people at this meeting, so I politely 'Replied all' thanking them for the invitation, and explained I wasn't able to attend, as it was a NWD, and requested that was taken into account when setting the meetings for the rest of the year, and saying I looked forward to receiving the minutes and meeting up with them at the next meeting.....

You HAVE to set boundaries from the start.
If there is a meeting your work expect you to be at, then you need to reply as soon as you see the invitation, reminding them that your working days are X,Y, and Z so hopefully the next one can be arranged when you can attend.
Either copy in the manager, or keep a log of the requests you have made / reminders you have sent and then raise it in a meeting with management.

Jumpers268 · 24/02/2021 19:57

I work 2 days a week and I completely get it. I have it on my signature which days & times I work and any meetings I've missed I call on my return to ask for a quick recap of anything important. I also have my out of office on to, again, say which days I work. And to the person that texts, just reply saying sorry I'm not in work today & crazy busy, try speaking to XXX.

4amWitchingHour · 24/02/2021 20:01

Echo everything PPs have said about having an out of office and putting your hours in your email signature.

I would also say to change the language around the days you don't work - in my organisation we call them "non-working days", not "days off", as childcare is not a day off! It can change your mindset as well as your colleagues', so they stop unwittingly thinking you have a heap of spare time on your "day off". You're busy. You're not available for work. End of.

Anna12345678910 · 24/02/2021 20:09

Set up your email to reply to all messages that you are working X Y and Z and will reply when back at work or day off or something similar...
Tell the new member of staff you don't work X Y Z days and so only available for work related items on those days.

NerdyBird · 24/02/2021 20:24

If your boss is useless can you raise it with their boss or HR?
And then block or leave/mute groups. I don't think you should have to go to the faff of getting another phone.

Another option could be to work your hours across more days. So if they want you to be at an hour meeting on your non work day you finish an hour earlier on your work day. Only suggest this if it would be convenient for you.

Original poster

Suzie2124 · 24/02/2021 20:43

Gosh! I’ve just had another message from this colleague. I thought I made it clear I don’t want to think of work on my days off! DH is saying not to reply or engage and just ignore on my days off and reply back when it’s a work day. What do you all think? What would you do? Tbh I’m a very anxious person naturally so this is very overwhelming for me!

OP posts:

JellyBabiesFan · 24/02/2021 20:50

Are you contracted to work certain days rather than a certain number of hours? I guess so but need to check.

If you have clear set days to work then put simply fuck them.

Ignore emails, do not attend the meetings and do not reply to text messages. If your boss cannot be bothered to deal with the issue then you need to deal with it youself. The more you give in to working on your days off the more you will take the miss.

JellyBabiesFan · 24/02/2021 20:51

That ended should have said

the more they will take the piss.

Jumpers268 · 24/02/2021 20:55

@Suzie2124 I'd reply saying "I'm not back in work until XXX, but speak to XXX as they should be able to help". I think it's taking the piss that this colleague is messaging this late on a day you don't even work, but I'm an anxious person as well so I get it!

Lurcherloves · 24/02/2021 20:58

I find it hard to work part time as the expectation is that I will work more and 9/10 I do. It’s super irritating when I work a school hour day and get comments about leaving ‘early’ (I’m not getting paid beyond that time!) I also work at weekends and on my long days in work I work very long days.
I honestly wonder if it’s better to work ft and get the pay

HelloDulling · 24/02/2021 20:58

The meetings need to be minuted. Then you-and everyone else-will know what is expected.

Jumpers268 · 24/02/2021 21:01

@Lurcherloves

I find it hard to work part time as the expectation is that I will work more and 9/10 I do. It’s super irritating when I work a school hour day and get comments about leaving ‘early’ (I’m not getting paid beyond that time!) I also work at weekends and on my long days in work I work very long days. I honestly wonder if it’s better to work ft and get the pay

I used to get comments like that and I'd always reply "if it makes you feel any better, I only get paid for the hours I do. Maybe you should go down to part time too?". That normally shuts them up.

Flackattack · 24/02/2021 21:32

I understand all of this!
I really resent the part-timer comments! I’m only paid part-time but always end up doing extra - I’m direct but still find it awkward and need to take some of this advice!
If they want full time they can pay full time - we had a hideous WhatsApp group and it was all the time! I raised it with my boss and turned out everyone was getting frustrated with it.
We are all entitled to time away from work and I get once you have one message your mind starts going and then You snap at the kids as you are being pulled / you need to prioritise (me too!) and set clear boundaries - if this is a problem review part time and role!
Ignore the texts - you’ve said now! They should feel bad for bothering you!

Jent13c · 24/02/2021 21:55

I would maybe try not refer to it as your day off., instead keep reminding them of your working days. Just a mentality thing. Every time they email you have a clean out of office saying something like "my working hours are x, please expect a response within there times' and keep it saved on your texts so every time someone texts you you just send the same message. Don't engage. You should not be feeling guilt for hours when you are not employed, its absolutely ridiculous that they have made it clear that they can't pay you but still expect you to work. If you worked a different job on a Tuesday you wouldn't expect to be sitting on zoom calls for your Monday job, you have real caring responsibilities on those days. Its like another job.

I've heard all the part timer comments and it can drive you insane but there is a need for us. Honestly presenteeism drives me insane, I did it myself in my early twenties but I get a buzz from leaving on time now, the workplace does not just fall to pieces when I leave and no one will thank me for it, they just expect more.

LittleOwl153 · 24/02/2021 22:06

Gosh! I’ve just had another message from this colleague.

Assuming it is a 9-5 sort of role then I would definately ignore - why the hell is he texting you at this time of day!

I would ignore if you can this time and then speak to him the next time you are in together. Explain that you only wokr certain days, and that him constantly dragging you mentally back to work on your time off is causing problems and you'd appreciate it if he would cut it out!!

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 24/02/2021 22:19

Copy and paste the same response to the texting colleague that you would put on an auto-reply. ‘Sorry, am not in work, please speak to xxx if urgent or I will deal with it on my return’ or something like that. When they keep getting the same brush off they might leave you alone.

iMatter · 25/02/2021 07:30

@MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig

I agree with this.

Also, don't say "I don't want to think about work on my days off". IMO that's not nearly blunt enough. You need to be more forceful and use the wording suggested above.

Good luck.

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