To ask how long it took you to feel like you again after birth and baby.

[PooNPop]

I gave birth nearly 3 weeks ago. I appreciate that is not very long ago at all, im just wondering how long others took to feel themselves and if they felt like this too?

I thought if I ever felt down after birth it would be the stresses of having a baby, sleepless nights, finding my feet with a newborn etc... But he's an absolute joy. I'm loving every minute of him.

But I just can't help but feel so low and frankly horrified at the 'state' of me. I look horrid. Everywhere is bigger, I have huge angry stretch marks all over my stomach, I don't have much time to make any sort of effort with myself at the moment and I just feel so upset when I see myself at the moment. I don't even want DH to take any pictures of me with baby, it makes me cry seeing them.

It sounds daft I know. I'm not a vain person usually at all so I've been really surprised with my strength of feeling about all this.

But I can't help looking at pictures of me before pregnancy and birth and just thinking God, I'll never look like that again (not that I was ever a model or anything but I certainly looked better than I do now!).

It's spilling over into thoughts about my relationship. I keep feeling like I need to be reassured by DH that he still loves me. I feel like how on earth could he look at me right now and feel anything but disgust quite frankly. I'm not eating barely because I'm desperate to lose weight as quickly as possible.

I'd never take it back, I have my gorgeous boy and I understand how lucky I am for that, really I do (it took us a long time to get him). But I can't seem to shake these thoughts

I haven't had one so not v helpful but please don't end up without any pictures from this stage! If you're struggling to look at them, you can buy disposable cameras and get them developed in the future. But I've heard so many women say that they regret not having any pics from the early days.

I had a c section 20 months ago and it took about 6 months to get back to an ok weight (not pre pregnancy) but I was getting married so rushed it! Had another c section 3 months ago and I'm half a stone heavier than my wedding and a stone heavier than pre first pregnancy weight. I'm not sure I'll ever get there but would like to lose a few more pounds to feel confident. You will get there but don't rush it. The first 3 months are finding your feet and making sure you and baby are heathy. Focus on that and the rest will come in time. Congratulations on your son x

Both times it took a full two years to really feel like I was out of the tunnel and was back to being me again. Not that it was all awful, but just being so consumed by them and not being able to be myself fully. Really glad I didn't do anything rash in that time because it was so tempting to move away to somewhere 'for the kids' thinking that my old life was over, but both times there was a definite moment of 'aaah, I'm still here!'. Hang on in there through the ups and downs and be nice to yourself. Congratulations!

You must eat and look after yourself so you have the energy to look after your baby.
To be honest I never really thought or felt like you do as I was too busy with the baby to think about it. I was also pregnant for the second time which was planned when my first was 9 months old.
I agree you need to give your body at least 12 -18 months, be kind to yourself and take things slowly. Simply enjoy your new baby.

I'd say more like me physically able to do things - 4 weeks
Like me in terms of I'd lost some weight and felt a bit better - 4 months
Like me as in feeling more like myself as a person emotionally - 2 years

Look after yourself

And yes to the photos. I felt so hideous I wouldn't be in any and now I have so few pictures as a new mum.

I reckon a year before I was "back to normal" (whatever that is). Going back to work and stopping breastfeeding was a huge part in this.

But three weeks is nothing! Honestly I was a total mess at this point. An overused phrase at the moment - but be kind to yourself. Having a baby is a huge upheaval, and it can take a while to feel like you again.

You are awash with hormones at the moment. It can feel very alienating

I’m 12 weeks PP, following an emergency c-section and further abdominal surgery a week ago and I feel much more back to my usual self. I don’t look the way I used to (and likely never will) but I feel much more confident and happy with my appearance.

I'm another one who would say about a year. However, I was quite surprised by the way I felt about my stomach after having my first. I really liked its big, puffy roundness. I used to stroke it, marvelling at the fact that my baby had been in there. But 3 weeks really, really is no time at all. You are full of hormones, knackered, probably not sleeping, suddenly hyper-alert and in full on protective mode, etc etc etc. Give yourself a break!

I'm 3.5 months post birth and feeling more like myself. Used all my KIT days for work and that has helped me although not everyone would enjoy that.

I've bounced back quickly weight wise- 1.5 kg up from normal weight but the rest of me is a bit of a mess.

Stitches took 9 weeks
Still have brown line
Some stretch marks
Was very incontinent and still a bit

Baby sleeps with me, and DH have not had sex yet. Thinking a few more weeks- we aren't in a hurry, either of us.

Both of us live in pajamas and bathrobes right now (he's a remote student) and I'll be remote when I go back to work. Makeup? What's that!

I had a terrible flare up on my face that lasted two months- kind of a yeast, eczema nightmare- so there aren't many pics of me either. It was awful.

Some people would roll their eyes at my quick weight loss but the face thing was terrible (and very painful). We all have something- weight, excess skin, dribbling, leaking etc

I'm so busy and tired that I don't care what I look like to my partner anyway! Not that he would say anything. He is just grateful I gave him a beautiful child.

We need to be less hard on ourselves, and if the pressure is coming from him, he can step up around the house and give mummy her time to shower, stretch or rest. I'd be shutting down any comments if he dared have them!

Hang in there mama. The next few weeks you'll be on the upswing.

It’s so so tough at the start. It took me a good few months after a traumatic birth and I’m now due again coming into summer so a bit in dread of the aftermath appearance wise! When the baby is in your belly you don’t mind but when they come out it can really make you feel down about yourself. Just know, things will get much much better and it will take time. Be kind to yourself and please don’t let it ruin those early weeks, I was the same I only have maybe three photos of me holding the baby the first few months because I felt hideous and now I treasure them and wish I took more, and also it’s funny looking at them now I’m thinking I didn’t actually look so hideous at all! So get your photos and hide them away you can delete them later if you really hate them but I bet in a few months time you will love them!!!

You literally gave birth 3 weeks ago- give yourself a break. Your body and hormones will be all over the place for ages yet.

Give it 6 months for “down there” and your tummy to have calmed down and resettled. These things take time- but all go back to normal eventually.

Please don’t let this stop you having photos taken with your newborn. This time races by.

If you’re fixating on this or getting anxious ring your health visitor and tell them.

Give it 6 months for “down there” and your tummy to have calmed down and resettled

Yes yes yes yes. Getting a baby from I side to outside is a huge deal however you go about it.

I remember squatting over a mirror 2 weeks pp to check stitches and being utterly mortified at what I saw.

The infection in the stitches/wound had healed by 3.5weeks pp but it still looked (IMO) fowl.

Didn’t look for ages then it popped into my mind at Christmas and tadaaa back to normal 6m pp.

Also I just want to add the above ... the awe, admiration, and sheer love most men have towards their wives/ girlfriends is immense after watching them birth their child. Your partner might look at you differently, but don’t assume it’s the way you think!

Once I regained bladder control I started to feel like myself again, so around 2-3 months. Though in some respects due to birth injuries certain parts of me won’t ever be the same again.

As for the rest, I didn’t start to feel like the old me again until around 9m PP when I started to lose the baby weight and get my old figure back. He’s 14m now and I feel great, I can’t physically see any evidence of pregnancy/birth or nursing. Having said that I’m really sad I didn’t get stretch marks as I wanted them desperately.

It’s such early days for you OP, your body and mind have been through so much. I felt like the trauma of birth was really downplayed personally, everyone says you bounce back, there’s a pervasive myth that it doesn’t change your genital area, I had a difficult birth admittedly but I felt for weeks absolutely horrified at the pain and trauma to my whole body. If I could do it again I would never risk a vaginal birth no matter what, I know caesareans are also painful and have a long recovery time but heck, nothing can be worse than what I already went through with a vaginal birth so I’m willing to take my chances with something different.

Please let your DH take photos of you and your baby, even if you don’t look at them. You will want to show them to him in the future. And he’ll think you’re beautiful no matter what. If that’s too much just focus on taking videos and photos of baby without you in frame. Whatever feels best for you ❤️

Be kind to yourself, growing and birthing a human is an incredible shock and trauma to the body, who cares if it’s natural? It’s still a lot to go through! In weeks, months and years from now you’ll feel a lot differently. But I know that doesn’t help you for now.

Functioning human who wore clothes and could do some stuff - 2 days

Back to normal weight - a year the first time and still not at 2y with second.

Feeling like I had some energy / not constantly shattered - fine for the first 4 month, exhausted for the 2 years after that.

Saying that, I get post birth euphoria rather than baby blues (and with no comedown, it's fab) and my babies slept great when tiny and terribly when older, both of which probably impacted how I found things.

Everyone is different with these things. But you'll get there eventually. Getting used to your body after having a baby can be very daunting. I look like a melted candle these days!

It got significantly better from a year. Stopped breastfeeding at 15 months and DS started sleeping through the night at 18 months, and that was when I really started to get 'myself' back. Then I got pregnant again and it all starts again!

Thank you for the kind comments.

To the PP who thinks it's immature to care what you look like and I should just focus on my baby, I can assure you, my focus is on my son. I adore him with everything in me and I'd ruin my body a million times over for him, he absolutely is my focus. This is just something I'm feeling alongside being over the moon with my lovely baby too.

I am honestly not a vain person at all (I don't actually agree it's teen like or immature to care about body image, lots of adults struggle with the way they look). But this has taken me by complete surprise that I feel so strongly about it, I was never this bothered before. I think it's just been a shock to the system, and a mix of hormones too.

DH has not made any comments at all other than to tell me he loves me, is so proud of me, I'm beautiful, give it time etc... He's been nothing but lovely. It's my head that just races around wondering what he must think when he looks at me.

As I say, I'm surprised by these thoughts, I never would have said I'd feel like this if you'd have asked me whilst I was pregnant. I don't really know why I do, I just do.

I do need to keep reminding myself how little time it's been I know. Just when I spot myself in the mirror or in pictures I just feel this horrid impatience to sort myself out asap.

It's strange because I don't actually feel stressed or down about anything to do with the baby at all. The sleepless nights and everything, I'm not bothered (at the moment anyway). I enjoy everything about him.

So in a way I have part of me that feels on cloud 9 and part of me that feels really low about myself (not him). It's such a confusing feeling.

I can’t believe anyone would suggest that being self conscious and worried about how you look after a baby is in any way related to your focus on your son. That shows a serious lack of insight and understanding, so please don’t take that to heart!

It’s a big adjustment too, going from being pregnant to not, isn’t it? I LOVED being pregnant so much and it was so weird to adjust to my baby suddenly being outside of me. I missed him being inside me. Still do and he’s one! Some days I think even though I love him more than life itself and I’m so thrilled and thankful I get to be his mum, I would love a day per week of just putting him back in there as I miss it a lot 😂

There’s no rush, all that matters right now is survival, for you and your son and your DH, even though you’re enjoying new parenthood it’s still not easy and it’s tiring and hormones are a powerful thing. You’re not alone ❤️

It genuinely took me 2 full years after my 2nd.

6 weeks after c section to feel like body wasn't about to fall apart
BF for 7 months and your body does not feel like your own that whole time
After 12 months I went back to work and that helped
After 24 months I lost the additional 2.5 stone I'd gained.
I'll never get rid of the c section shelf despite going down to a size 10. I've just got to accept it.

I've been feeling back to my old self and pretty great but now pregnant again with a suprise No.3 and worried about falling into the pit again....

About 6 months probably. But a lot of that was mental adjustment. Like realising, "this is my life now."

I had twins who are recently 5 now, and had a c-section at 35.6 weeks. I've never quite lost all the weight, but within 6 months was in a place that felt " within the realms of normal" for me. And there I've stayed!

Hello! I came on to say that I really empathise with the feeling, and to say that anxiety after birth can manifest in really weird ways - with me, I wasn’t anxious/worried about my baby at all, but I was absolutely convinced that my DH was going to leave me. I had absolutely no basis for that, I can’t even really remember WHY I thought he would - but it was such a powerful and upsetting feeling, I’ll never forget it.

That’s probably not much help, but do try and tell yourself that your feelings aren’t necessarily based in fact at the moment. I didn’t ask for any particular help with post natal anxiety, but in retrospect I wish I had! For my second baby I’ve hardly had it all, and it feels so different.

For what you actually asked - I recovered physically by around 6 months first time, it’s taking longer second time. If you want to feel proactive (and can afford it) the MUTU mama programme is all online and is gentle exercise and some nutritional advice, and you can start it whenever you feel comfortable (big focus on pelvic floor). I found it really calming this time round.

I agree with most posters that 3 weeks is no time at all.

I also wanted to add that I've had a summer baby and a winter baby and my gosh, I would take being pregnant & having a baby in the summer over winter any day. The sunshine and being able to get out in the warm weather for walks really lifted my mood and kept me sane on the crap tired days. Also the gentle exercise made me feel so much more positive about my body post pregnancy. It's much tougher in the winter.

Can you prioritise some small things just for you? A 15 min bath, painting your toe nails, applying some nice moisturiser? Nourish the body that grew your lovely healthy baby.

I'm back to normal at three months, however I don't have the time to get my self presented as I would like, so spending pretty much all day in pjs which is annoying. I've got 5 pounds to go untill I'm at pre pregnancy weight skin isnt spotty anymore from the birth hormones (I had lovely skin during pregnancy) I'm not feeling overwhelmed anymore and I've acliminatized to the lack of sleep too.