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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend just called me his ex wife’s name

56 replies

Qbfjold · 23/02/2021 21:33

NC for this....

My boyfriend of nearly a year just called me his ex-wife’s name in the middle of having sex.

My rational side says it’s just a brain fart, it’s habit for him to say her name. My less rational side is freaking out.

What would you make of this?

OP posts:
custardbear · 23/02/2021 22:13

It's so easy to do accidentally tally, after 15 years of marriage I still say my maiden name occasionally - park it and move on

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 23/02/2021 22:14

That's why I called all my partners Diddleybum. Unfortunately I got a job where the senior partner was Mr. Diddleybum and well you can imagine my horror when he introduced himself to me and my partner at the Christmas Do...😱

VienneseWhirligig · 23/02/2021 22:17

DH did this once. Just the once, not during sex though. I don't know who was more horrified, him or me - his relationship with his ex was terrible as she had treated him and the kids poorly so I had no worries he was hankering after her.

Mind you, I am turning into my grandmother. I go through every name of family members and pets sometimes before I get it right - DS is often BeckyRoryLisaRobBunty before his actual name comes out Grin

LindaEllen · 23/02/2021 22:22

At the start of our relationship DP called me by his ex's name. I know for a fact he wasn't in love with her as he ended things, it's just force of habit when you've been with someone for such a long time to say their name.

He has done it to his mum as well 'me and ex watched this film yesterday' instead of saying my name. They've been 'DP and X' for so long that it becomes habit.

Unless you have other cause for concern I honestly wouldn't worry about this :).

AnitaB888 · 23/02/2021 22:26

I still sign my first married name on occasion when I don't concentrate, don't worry about it.

HurricaneBitch · 23/02/2021 22:27

Dh has never once called me his exes name. I on the other hand have called him by my exbf a ton of times, I adore dh and have zero feelings for my exbf.

Covidworries · 23/02/2021 22:29

Happened to me..no big deal. I often go through names to get the right one

Shinyletsbebadguys · 23/02/2021 22:30

I've done it a couple of times accidentally to DP , not during sex , but I know i rolled over once opened my eyes and said "exdh turn over and stop snoring " Shock poor DP has been lovely and basically just pretended he hadn't heard the name and rolled over and thankfully stopped snoring

Dp knows that I don't still love exdh (I assume as he proposed last weekend so I am guessing he feels secure) and he is absolutely right but in my defence I spent 12 years using exdh name , it became sheer habit.

As long as the relationship is good and you have no cause for suspicion I would write it off to a momentary lapse.

shouldistop · 23/02/2021 22:30

I keep calling baby ds by the dogs name.

saraclara · 23/02/2021 22:35

I'm awful with names. I barely dared refer to my DD's present partner for a long time, because her ex's name always came to mind. And as a couple, hers and the ex's name together tripped off the tongue far more easily than hers and her present partner's does. It's been three years now and I'm still terrified of doing it.

Ohnomoreno · 23/02/2021 22:37

I've done that before, and not even during sex, just randomly - which is almost more embarrassing after 10 years!

brassmonkeywife · 23/02/2021 22:37

My DH's name is the same as my last long term boyfriend, so there's no danger of embarrassment when we are DTD!!! Lucky I found him!! But on 2 occasions he called me Carol, but he claims he's never had a GF with that name ..... mysterious!

WaterOffADucksCrack · 23/02/2021 22:45

I'd LTB for calling my name out during sex nevermind an ex's. I know it's a thing and I'm probably the strange one but I find it so cringeworthy!

partyatthepalace · 23/02/2021 22:47

Unless anything else is wrong, assume a brain fart.

CoalCraft · 23/02/2021 22:49

Completely normal and easily done. You should just laugh it off.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 23/02/2021 22:52

@Frazzled99 are you both called Tammy?

WhoStoleMyCheese · 23/02/2021 22:56

ive done it a couple of times its habit, leave it..

Fiona2020 · 23/02/2021 23:00

@Frazzled99 mine to thank god as I’m useless with names ha!

Workinghardeveryday · 23/02/2021 23:11

Honestly I used to do it loads!!! Even now granted very rarely. What I can tell you is I ended the relationship with my husband. Did not love or find him attractive. Is literally just habit. Please don’t worry at all. Means nothing!!!

Andithoughtiwasspecial · 24/02/2021 03:32

@OfaFrenchmind2 Grin

Sapho47 · 24/02/2021 03:40

I've done this but not during see.

I've never userstood the shouting the persons name thing

Sapho47 · 24/02/2021 03:43

@shouldistop

I keep calling baby ds by the dogs name.
Swap their names Grin

And see which learns first Grin

StarlightLady · 24/02/2021 06:36

I’d be relaxed about it.

peak2021 · 24/02/2021 07:03

Once is an accident, more than that and you should be concerned.

shouldistop · 24/02/2021 07:37

And see which learns first

Oh definitely the dog 🤣