Aibu to ask about marital finances

[RubiesCube]

I've been married now for 5 years and what with one thing an another, our finances are separate and not very organised.

My husband earns the money and pays the bill, additionally he transfers a portion to me each month. I receive the child benefit directly.

Are there any good links out there that could advise on the best way to blend our finances. We don't have lots of money and if anything happened to him I would not have access to what we do have. We have a mortgage and life insurance, no other debt currently. I have memory issues so he tells me passwords and the account names and details. I never remember them, I am going to make time to write it all down!

Should he get paid into the joint account and the bills go out from there? We do have a joint account, just no money in it atm. The money goes into and stays in his accounts.

I will shortly be starting to work as kids go to school but won't be expecting to exceed his income.

I know we've been really disorganised up to this point and would like to improve that. Many thanks.

Thankyou!

My set up...

I’m currently a sahm with our DS, he goes to School this year so I will also be returning to work.

At the moment though, DHs wages get paid into our joint account. All the bills and household expenses come out of there and whatever’s left we split equally and transfer over to our single accounts to spend how we wish. We also have a joint savings account and a single savings account each.

There’s many different set ups, but this one works really well for us.

Our set up is everything gets paid into the joint account and all bills come out from there, I’ve been on maternity for awhile and have gone back part time but the whole lot is family money. We have joint savings accounts and I’ll manage the money each month and allocate funds to savings/spending. We both have equal access to all money and savings but generally run bigger purchases past each other before making them.

Our credit cards are set up to pay off in full each month so if we want to buy a surprise for the other we’ll generally do it on there so it’s hidden from the main account.

We have a joint current and savings account. Everything is shared. I have just got a (substantial) bonus and that has gone straight in the joint savings ac. I just don't get couples who 'do' finances separately.

Surprises and gifts for one another are paid for by CC.

Key thing is it needs to be fair and transparent so that you can both see how money is earned and how spent.

How you organise it after that up to you.

You should both evaluate the others contribution and its worth. A holistic approach rather than pure pounds.

Im getting divorced and as we split up these are some of the things I wish I'd thought about as a sahm... A bit more "valuing" of each other might have helped.

His contribution is easy to put a price on in a way - salary. But then there is practical and emotional support. There are a few things I didn't appreciate putting the bins out, garden upkeep, car upkeep and the mental load of knowing what to do when. Light bulb fitting. Fixing broken stuff. Ad hhoc DIY tasks. Going in the loft.

As a family unit your personal spending money (after all bills, holidays etc) should be equal. Not a % in my book but £ for £ equal. If not is he truly valuing your input to the family unit as much as his. (When you're getting divorced they're seen as equal so you're basically letting him have what the law sees as yours.

As a sahm your main concern should be a) pension and b) lost income.
Pension. If you're going to stay a sahm then set up a private pension for you if you can. Check every year you understand what his pension is worth and if you got divorced what you would get. And vice versa. Make sure he understands that too!
Lost income. What salary did you give up. What future salary are you sacrificing. How much is the work worth that you provide? This feeds into my earlier point about spending money. It is bloody hard work looking after little kids. But people very quick to forget this.

I prefer separate accounts for salary and joint for bills.

We have a proper budget which lists all outgoings and the date they go. There’s a portion which details extras and childcare etc.

We enter the amount paid, the end of month bank balance and the calculation works out how much each of us need to put in so we have equal ml yes left over.

Eg

DH paid £4000, me paid £2500, monthly outgoings £5000. Total surplus is £1500 so £750 each therefore DH would put in £4250 and I’d put in £1750

I think there are as many ways to split finances as there are couples. The main thing is that it has to be fair. No, I'm paying for all the children's clothes out of my spending money and I've got nothing left to buy basics for myself but my dp just bought a new car sort of thing.

Personally, we have a joint account, a joint savings account etc etc all money goes in and out goes out of joint accounts.

If you aren’t working you should have the above still but with your DH subsidising your account too.

We also share bonuses etc

Work out the monthly cost of bills and mortgage/rent and food shopping. Divide that by half and pay that much each plus contingency/shared savings into a joint account. Earnings in own accounts. Anything not transferred to the joint is yours. Simple. Obviously for big purchases eg car or holiday or new appliances then chip in equally.

Joint account that all income goes into then you work out what you can each have for 'spends' and transfer it out to your own accounts.

Joint account for monthly bills paid by DD or SO and Food /petrol
Joint savings account for quarterly/6 monthly/annual bills (eg water rates) and holidays, car maintenance, kids birthdays and xmas
Joint savings account for long term stuff.
Credit Card for food and petrol - checked by me and then paid for from joint account

His account for wage in and transfers out to joint savings, joint account and 2 to my account. Leaving only spending money

My account for money in for 1) kids costs (clothes, haircuts, activities, phones etc) and then 2)a separate payment in for my spending money.

Never mix up money for you and money for the kids. In your head or his!!

We only got a joint account after 12 years of marriage, and only then because we were doing an extension that required part-drawdown of the mortgage extention to pay bills as it went along, and those drawdowns needed to go into a joint account. I think we've only used it since then for lodging cheques from my DM (who cannot understand that, after more than 20 years of marriage now, that I never took DH's surname - so I get cheques written to Mrs Biddy DHsurname - when I am actually Ms Biddy Pop still, but joint a/c manages that ok).

My earnings go into my current a/c.

DH earnings go into his current a/c.

I have my own credit card.

DH has his own credit card (but has given me a card on it for emergencies - I use my own generally).

He paid the mortgage, I paid childcare, and we each paid different bills (electricity, gas, phone, bins, house insurance, annual travel insurance etc), I mostly got the food shopping and he mostly paid for entertainment/meals out etc. We each paid for our own cars upkeep/tax/insurance etc.

Since we no longer have mortgage or childcare costs, DH buys more groceries than he used to and pays more bills (his earnings have outstripped mine). But we keep saying we should do a proper review - and putting it back on the long finger.

If either of us ever needed extra money, we've always just asked the other and it was transferred over. We both have savings in our own name (as well as a few sheckels in that joint a/c ).

Oh we also have a transfer to the car account which covers service, MOT, insurance and tax as needed.

I always had a joint account when I was married, so much easier. All accounts were joint

DP and I are doing marriage prep currently and I we’ve talked a lot about money.

We have a joint account for spending on joint things - meals out, gifts for friends, wedding prep. It’s with starling so very easy to set up.

I work and DP is self employed so we also have separate bank accounts where a salary is paid. From this, bills are paid such as phone, car tax etc. When we’re married we’ll put the money in the joint account for bills (we each have our own house now) and we each have an ISA for saving and a SIPP.

We each have an allocated “fun budget” for hobbies, frivolous stuff. DPs gets invested, mine goes on clothes. Everything is else is strictly budgeted as I’m inconsistent with money. We won’t have joint credit cards or anything which can affect a credit rating for the other.

We won’t have joint credit cards or anything which can affect a credit rating for the other.

FYI a joint account is all that’s required for a ‘financial association’ and therefore the possibility of affecting the other’s credit rating in there.

Joint credit cards don’t exist. One person is the account holder and the other just a cardholder.

@Merryoldgoat

I prefer separate accounts for salary and joint for bills.

We have a proper budget which lists all outgoings and the date they go. There’s a portion which details extras and childcare etc.

We enter the amount paid, the end of month bank balance and the calculation works out how much each of us need to put in so we have equal ml yes left over.

Eg

DH paid £4000, me paid £2500, monthly outgoings £5000. Total surplus is £1500 so £750 each therefore DH would put in £4250 and I’d put in £1750

How does he put in £4250 if he only brings home £4000?

I already lived in our house and DH lived with his parents when we got together so all the bills came out of mine and he used to give me money towards them each month, which was fine until I got pregnant and we decided I would stay home for the first few years. So we got a joint account and transferred both of our separate current accounts into it. We have an ISA each and another savings account which we draw on in emergencies, money gets transferred into these each month along with DS's junior ISA.

I wasn’t really awake there was I? I meant £3250 - that’s why I use a spreadsheet

My salary goes into my account and his goes into his account. We have a direct debit each which goes into a joint account account that pays the household bills. As long as there is equal money going into the joint account, what we do with our own money is up to the individual. TBH we don't even know how much money the other has.

@trappedsincesundaymorn

My salary goes into my account and his goes into his account. We have a direct debit each which goes into a joint account account that pays the household bills. As long as there is equal money going into the joint account, what we do with our own money is up to the individual. TBH we don't even know how much money the other has.

We do this. It works well for us.

I’m personally not comfortable with not having my own separate finances because of my previous marriage, so we both have our own accounts. I earn more than DH, but the same percentage proportion of our salaries goes into our joint account to cover bills every month. We each have our own individual savings as well as joint savings for specific things like holidays.

@trappedsincesundaymorn

My salary goes into my account and his goes into his account. We have a direct debit each which goes into a joint account account that pays the household bills. As long as there is equal money going into the joint account, what we do with our own money is up to the individual. TBH we don't even know how much money the other has.

This works well if you earn the same but not if one of you earns significantly less.

We have done it differently over the years. One joint account that everything went into/came out of. Both of us had access and only really discussed large purchases.
We’ve had separate accounts (to take advantage of interest rates, cash back deals, etc. but still took a collective view of what was being spent.
There’s never been a yours/my money split.
For the most part I’ve been a SAHM but have worked school term time. All income is ours.

The best thing we’ve done is use YNAB (You Need A Budget) to work out what we were spending money on, where we needed to make changes, what needed saving for, building up a 6 month ‘we can survive on no income’ amount, etc.

It hasn’t always been rosy and we’ve overcome certain issues but, for us, it’s part and parcel of being in a partnership/marriage.