Aibu to ask about marital finances

[RubiesCube]

I've been married now for 5 years and what with one thing an another, our finances are separate and not very organised.

My husband earns the money and pays the bill, additionally he transfers a portion to me each month. I receive the child benefit directly.

Are there any good links out there that could advise on the best way to blend our finances. We don't have lots of money and if anything happened to him I would not have access to what we do have. We have a mortgage and life insurance, no other debt currently. I have memory issues so he tells me passwords and the account names and details. I never remember them, I am going to make time to write it all down!

Should he get paid into the joint account and the bills go out from there? We do have a joint account, just no money in it atm. The money goes into and stays in his accounts.

I will shortly be starting to work as kids go to school but won't be expecting to exceed his income.

I know we've been really disorganised up to this point and would like to improve that. Many thanks.

Thankyou!

I would caution against having wages or benefits going straight into a joint account. The person to whom these belong should have these go into their account and then if you like having a joint account eg for shared household bills transfer to cover this from personal accounts

In the event of relationship breakdown, one party becoming incapacitated or dying then having a joint account can make one vulnerable in several ways.

When I split from ex we only had joint accounts, the current account into which went his wage (I was a Sahm at this time), child benefit and child tax credits and a savings account which we both had contributed to equally.

Within days of splitting he had emptied both accounts without a word to me and left me right up the creek!

Nobody ever thinks it'll happen to them but it happens a lot.

Maintain an account into which your money and money for dc goes as you are the primary carer.

Personally I'll never have a joint account again

Never mix up money for you and money for the kids. In your head or his!!

I think that's good advice generally, but in most cases in the event of a split the mother is primary carer and has residency and so needs to endure continuing stream of income for the children.

To be honest I think taking advice from people still on their first marriage/long term relationship can be less helpful than advice from people who've separated/divorced, been widowed or dealt with a partner/spouse becoming incapacitated. As it's really when things go wrong that the problems arise.

We've been together over 27 years and still have separate accounts. Some DDs come from his account, some mine, child benefit goes into mine. We have a joint savings account and just spend what we want from our own current accounts. We don't really have anything to do with the accounts the other manages although we are both happy to share if the other asks and if one is skint we can raid the savings or ask the others for a sub.

Thanks so much for all the comments. It is really helpful to see what others do.

My original career was as a childcare professional so it's been very easy to put a value on me being at home, and he is reminded regularly. So I'd say 'spends' are equal.

The process of the money coming in is fine, but as I don't currently earn anything it would not be good if something happened to him as I have no access to his accounts. I'm changing career, (working in early years is just not paid enough) so it is going to be a while to build that up the new salary.

Hadn't thought about joint savings. Thanks to whoever mentioned that.

He has agreed to putting his salary and the household bills into the joint account but apparently there are quite a few so he is daunted by the task of moving them. But the short term pain will be worth the long term gain.

We don't have credit cards and I don't really want to get one. We already have a mortgage so I guess there is no real advantage in having one now to improve the credit score?

@Graphista thanks for sharing your experience.
Esp the last bit, I'd really like a dummies guide on how to best deal with it. Just want to know how to prepare for all eventualities, at the moment. His income is paid into his account and then transfers to me so I don't have direct access to that money anyway, only to the child benefit that will stay coming to me. If he decided to leave, I'd literally only have child benefit until I started working and a salary came in.

Thanks glad it was of use

I am not particularly experienced with regard to incapacity and bereavement as I haven't been through those myself.

I do have a relative who came a cropper due to partner dying, also a Sahm, house was in his name as was the current account (this was a long time ago) no will, died young very unexpectedly and his family basically turned on her and their kids (their grandkids and nieces!). She was basically made homeless and had to return to work full time while she and the kids were still in the throes of the initial grief.

Regarding divorce, marriage provides some protection/recourse but it's not total so with the benefit of hindsight/experience I

Will never have a joint account again
Will never assume a person will act reasonably
Will always have more than one way of accessing money in an emergency
Will always have a credit card (though I rarely use it) with a bank other than who my main account is with
Will endeavour to maintain a decent credit record as far as possible
Will always have some savings set aside

I know that all seems "common sense" but a lot of people (including myself back then - not being smug this is what I've learned from my own mistakes!) don't know this stuff.

Financial education is woeful in this country and I do feel women and girls in particular need to be much better informed and dare I say it more cynical?

Certainly I've tried to impress upon dd certain knowledge. She's an "impoverished student" at the moment by but mostly seems to be managing with part time work and budgeting (I've certainly noticed many of her peers are clueless on budgeting!)

Mn is great for such advice though posters should check with someone qualified before doing anything risky.

I hope you manage to get things sorted

Joint account and then we have the same amount of fun money allocated to our own accounts each month. It’s all well and good saying have your wages paid into your own but what happens on maternity leave etc.

Everything into a joint account, bills pensions etc paid from there.

Then an allowance into a separate account for each of you for spending money - even if it has to be a tiny amount.

Separate main accounts only works if you are earning similar and money isn’t tight.

We just have one account. Everything goes in and out of it.