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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am i a back up plan

27 replies

thinkful · 23/02/2021 00:33

There was a man at work i was attracted to years ago... Fast forward to now, both single, or so i thought, we got in touch.

He has spent the last 2 weeks being really full on pursuing me. We met up last week and it was nice. He was grinning so big the whole time, within minutes of leaving he told me he had fallen for me. I truly believe he had a great time.

Today, he called me, in tears. He said he couldn't continue, it was causing him such pain and distress. I was confused, didn't seem like him i know (albeit limitedly) and asked questions...

He eventually said he is seeing someone else. He asked me to wait for him. I'm so confused and shocked. Then later he called me a couple of more times, he says his heart is with me but he's confused

It's probably clear to everyone not to become a backup plan, but wtf, what do i do?

OP posts:
LR33 · 23/02/2021 00:35

Block him! Find a decent bloke!
Do not wait for him! Talk about massive bellend ego!

Donann · 23/02/2021 00:41

Run for God sake!

Block his number and move forward. Find someone who doesn't cheat!

Don't you deserve that much ? ( at least) ?

He sounds Narcissist ( look up and research all the signs on You Tube. If you spend time researching the topic... you'll find him I feel.

Good luck X

Original poster
thinkful · 23/02/2021 00:47

Thank you. It's such a surprise, i never would have thought he'd be like this, from knowing him at work.

He isn't in a relationship, he's just seeing someone else as well. I did have alarm bells ringing about the speed of everything, put it down to nerves

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 23/02/2021 01:54

He's seeing someone else. At least he did have the decency to tell you. Move on.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2021 02:05

He was grinning so big the whole time, within minutes of leaving he told me he had fallen for me.

I could have stopped reading right there. He's a fucking nutter so start running.

FrumpyDumpyDragon · 23/02/2021 02:17

Yeah, he sounds unstable. I think you'll be saving yourself a lot of trouble and heartache if you end things now.

Slightlyunhinged · 23/02/2021 03:27

I might get flamed here, but I had a similar situation. When my then good friend told me he'd fallen for me, he was seeing some one else. I told him that I wasn't sure if I was interested in him and that I wasn't going to even think about it until he had told his girlfriend about his feelings for me and ended things with her. I also said that even if he did that and I considered it, the answer might still be no, but that was a risk he would have to be prepared to take. We've now been married for 35 years. So my advice would be tell him you're not prepared to wait or go behind some one's back. Tell him he has to make his mind up right now, he has to be honest with his girlfriend and only then will you consider seeing him.

loverley · 23/02/2021 04:04

I'd message him saying that you want to be someone's priority and not an option.
Then block or ignore.

NovemberR · 23/02/2021 04:30

I absolutely would not wait for any man. And I'd laugh in the face of anyone who rang me in tears after one date saying they couldn't do this anymore, it was causing them such pain

The couple more times he'd phoned, I'd have ended up saying, Oh fuck off! and putting the phone down.

I've no patience with dramatics (or egotistical, knobheads).

Tangohead · 23/02/2021 06:58

Move on and don’t wait for him.

Shoxfordian · 23/02/2021 07:02

Don’t be an option for him
Block him

Jobsharenightmare · 23/02/2021 07:06

Yes you're a back up plan.

But more importantly, there's something wrong with this man. Telling you he'd fallen for you like that whilst also knowing he's with someone else - he's a great liar. He never should have been in touch with you.

Pick someone who would never have treated you this way in the first place.

ChablisandCrisps · 23/02/2021 07:12

Jesus, the crying and anguish after one date would send me running from the hills! Massively unstable!

sunflowersandbuttercups · 23/02/2021 07:14

He has spent the last 2 weeks being really full on pursuing me. We met up last week and it was nice. He was grinning so big the whole time, within minutes of leaving he told me he had fallen for me.

Was this not a gigantic red flag for you?

Pippa12 · 23/02/2021 07:17

You’ve had a lucky escape IMO, run for the hills and don’t look back!

QwertyGurty · 23/02/2021 07:34

Avoid him like the plague.
Run for the hills.

NoProblem123 · 23/02/2021 07:41

Lovebombing, over the top/too much too soon, then devalueing. You’ve got yourself a narc.
Run for the hills.

Biftekomama · 23/02/2021 07:43

I absolutely would not wait for any man. And I'd laugh in the face of anyone who rang me in tears after one date saying they couldn't do this anymore, it was causing them such pain

Times like this I wish MN had a like button - this x1000

Seatime · 23/02/2021 07:50

He has a girlfriend and now he wants a mistress too. Grinning, saying he's fallen for you after 1 date, then oh lm seeing someone, what a wanker!

therocinante · 23/02/2021 09:27

@NoProblem123

Lovebombing, over the top/too much too soon, then devalueing. You’ve got yourself a narc. Run for the hills.
This.
therocinante · 23/02/2021 09:27

He knew he was seeing someone on his date with you, so he's not just overly intense and weird, he's a liar too. Block him.

Original poster
thinkful · 23/02/2021 10:18

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, it was all a red flag but i knew him at work so i just gave him the benefit of the doubt, figured i just wasn't moving as quickly as him and he has been through a lot of emotional stuff lately as well.

And i did fancy him at work, but not so much on the date...

I got the impression things were on and off with the woman he's seeing. He does seem unstable, yeah, and I've caught him lying about a few things, even in the past Hmm

OP posts:
Anna12345678910 · 23/02/2021 10:21

So he has been full on for 2 weeks and love bombed you....told you he loves you in such a short time...
Meanwhile, he has been seeing someone else and no doubt said the same to her....

He doesn't want to put all his eggs in one basket so keeping you both dangling whilst he decides 😉😏

CarrotIsApple · 24/02/2021 04:53

You are his backup plan. Sorry OP

BiscuitSewingTin · 24/02/2021 05:47

Back-up plan definitely, but also strikes me as a possible plan to move things along quickly to get you hooked and willing to sleep with him soon and then under his control.

As others have said, block. Don’t engage further, he’s either very manipulative or unstable. Anything you say will just make it worse.

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