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Original poster

To want to know which of my children is lying

84 replies

Peopletry · 22/02/2021 22:08

I’ve been looking for my kindle for a few days.
Yesterday I Asked dd if she’d seen it and she said no.
Today I asked ds if he’d seen it and he said he thought he’d seen dd hide it under her bed.
I went looking for it again in dd’s room and as I got closer to her bed asked her casually again if she’d seen it.
She then tells me she thinks she remembers seeing it on the end of her bed. After some searching I find it well under the bed.
She then told me that ds had brought it in.

Obviously my biggest issue is why either of them would hide it and lie in the first place but I kind of need to establish what’s happened without falsely accusing one of them.
If ds js telling the truth and dd hid it, ds must have seen her do it and didn’t say anything at the time.
If ds hid it then it’s feasible that dd didn’t see the actual hiding but did see him bring it in and have it near the end of her bed.

I’m really disappointed that one of them a. hid it and b. Is trying to get the other one in trouble.

OP posts:
victoriaspongecake · 22/02/2021 23:57

Overreaction much?! You’ve got the device back now “let it goooooo”

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/02/2021 23:58

@victoriaspongecake

Overreaction much?! You’ve got the device back now “let it goooooo”
Yeah! Let your kids grow up knowing that they can do something dishonest and wrong and can get away with it. How can that possibly go wrong?!
Lalliella · 23/02/2021 00:01

DD done it 🕵️‍♀️

starfishmummy · 23/02/2021 00:13

They have their own tablets for games etc. and their own kindles for reading

Id be checking to see which one had lost or broken their own kindle

earthyfire · 23/02/2021 00:14

Not something I would dwell on. I would tell them not to touch my things without permission in future and a little word about the fibbing then be done with it.

thatchammum38 · 23/02/2021 00:19

Kids are bored at home, it might sound mischievous, but no harm done. Let it go.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 23/02/2021 00:29

Clearly the solution to your dilemma is to buy a second kindle. That way there is one available to each of your children to steal, hide, and then lie to you about, and you can punish them both with impunity, sure in your own mind that you are acting completely without prejudice.

BoyTree · 23/02/2021 00:32

Could you go for something positive. Explain that you are having a hard time working out what happened, because they are both telling you different things and you don't think either is lying. Talk about how sometimes two people can have a different perception of the same event and maybe they can help you piece it together. If they are 'solving a mystery' and confident that you are trying to get to the bottom of a misunderstanding, they might be more open to explaining what happened a bit more clearly.

Whenever I have tried this, it has worked. I also give them the opportunity to come clean by saying things like 'Now, John, did I remember it right that you said you were in the hallway when you saw that, or was that later?' It gives them a chance to have a 'Oooh - I did put it there' and see how coming clean is the best thing to do and it turns a potential drama into no big deal.

We also then have a talk about how important honesty is, what it feels like when someone lies to you, what it's like to not be trusted and know that people might not believe you if you lie to them etc.

XelaM · 23/02/2021 00:37

They both hid it together as a joke against you. They are both involved

WaterOffADucksCrack · 23/02/2021 00:50

Are you on your kindle/phone/other devices a lot? A friend of a friend was constantly on hers. Her children hid it together as they just wanted her attention and they told her she was always on her phone and they didn't like it. It shamed her into change although I've no idea if she kept it up.

Greengagegate · 23/02/2021 00:54

What do people mean by punishment though? Surely the emphasis on dc learning from "mistakes". (And sometimes emptying the DW helps the lesson sink in! )

I certainly would not let this go, because it's bloody annoying not being able to find your Kindle! And more importantly one or other of them tried to blame the other for their actions and that's not on. I would also make it known that I don't like being lied to, that being lied to generally is not a pleasant thing (get them to think about this and tell you why) . And that borrowing or taking someone else's things without their permission is wrong.

There is a happy medium between turning this in to a big drama and letting them get away with this scot free.

How do you expect DC to learn otherwise?

FossilisedFanny · 23/02/2021 00:55

I’d ask each of them what they think should happen to the person that ‘committed the crime’ . The innocent party normally suggests quite harsh punishment, whereas the guilty party will give a much less harsh option because they will be the one to suffer it .

PontyberryMassive · 23/02/2021 01:24

Does it matter? Pick your battles...make like Elsa and Let It Go!

5zeds · 23/02/2021 01:37

Remove their tablets, when they can’t find them say where they are and ask them how they’d feel if you’d hid them and pretended you didn’t know. Tell them you feel miserable about losing your kindle and like they didn’t try to help at all. Don’t accuse and don’t look for an apology, just walk them through what it was like for you.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/02/2021 01:45

I reckon both were involved too!

SqeakyHindge · 23/02/2021 02:01

Grin someone said easier to train. Fgs they kids not puppies.

It was a kindle it be different if was bottle of wine.

Chill read a book

SE13Mummy · 23/02/2021 02:23

I'd give them each a bit of paper and ask them to write down what they know about how your kindle ended up under DD's bed. Explain that you want the mystery solved because you're feeling sad that something special of yours was hidden but also that you believe they're honest children who want to tell the truth and this is a way of them doing that without anyone being able to interrupt. If they're writing their bits at the same time, it'll probably be easier for them to own up than to second guess what their sibling will write.

BeaLola · 23/02/2021 02:23

My DS 13 has no one to blame except me or DH !

But every now and again when something gets eaten - usually chocolate- or misplaced etc he will say "it wasn't me it was Dad" Smile

Missing point but when he was around 6 he went through a phase of moving things like the front door/car keys and then not remembering where he put them - invariably we would randomly find them in strange places like the fridge or down the side of the sofa - we obviously talked to him about this and thought we had sorted it out only for one day I went out with him in the car (when we returned my husband was home and let us in ) - a little later on I realised my house keys were "missing" so I thought DS had moved them - he said he hadn't and was quite indignant that he hadn't moved them. Several days later I was just getting into car to leave when Postman came up drive - I stopped thinking he had post for us - no - "did I recognise these ?" - and in his hand were my keys - he said he had found them in road between my house and NDN and thought he would check with us before handing them in to office in case they were ours rather than a random visitor to road !

cansu · 23/02/2021 06:58

Obviously your dd. I would let her know that you are disappointed and move on. If she didn't want to read it, it was perhaps to get back at you for something she was annoyed about.

Kalllop · 23/02/2021 07:02

I had a spate of my kindle going missing. Turns out the 11 year old had discovered some particularly trashy racy novels on it and was reading them in secret!

PracticingPerson · 23/02/2021 07:04

@Peopletry

It’s just a reading one-nothing of interest on there to them. They have their own tablets for games etc. and their own kindles for reading. It feels more mean towards me or to each other but maybe I’m making too much out of it.
I would tell them both that you expect them to leave it alone and that would be enough.

I do think you're making too much out of it.

ImpossibleDecisions · 23/02/2021 09:23

One of my best friends at school got new purple-framed glasses. She got really upset over the course of a few days as she had lost them. After a few days/weeks it all escalated, I guess her parents maybe got involved.

The teacher took groups in the class aside and questioned us. Something clicked and I suddenly remembered I’d hidden them in a classroom cupboard, what felt like weeks earlier. I obviously thought it would be funny for 5 minutes Blush

So I guess I’m just saying neither might be lying, they could have forgotten, shoving the kindle somewhere would only have taken a second or two. Maybe they weren’t hiding it, they just had it in their hand when they crawled under the bed for some other reason?

Original poster
Peopletry · 23/02/2021 09:34

I really haven’t made a big deal with them-it’s more inside my head!

Anyway. Ds spilled this morning when I mentioned it casually. It was a joint effort in ‘revenge’ for me spending too much time on my phone Blush They obviously knew hiding the phone would be one step too far /it wasn’t as easy to get at! Although I’m still cross/upset that they hid it they probably have a point so will take it as a reminder, let the hiding go and focus on telling the truth/talking to me if they are upset about something.

OP posts:
XelaM · 23/02/2021 10:15

Ahh I was right!! Grin

Notjustanymum · 23/02/2021 10:29

OP, I had one of the original Kindle paperwhites, and there was an experimental browser on it. I would never have found it had I not read an article on how to access it.
You might want to check all of the menus to see if your device is secretly enabled ( mine was the one with 3G) but it’s so long ago now that I can’t remember the exact details of how to access it...