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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it weird to start conversation with a stranger in the park..?

69 replies

summersun08 · 22/02/2021 14:44

My son is a year old, born just before the first lockdown. I’m a first time mum.

I’ve found maternity leave quite lonely. During the summer I managed to get out and go to a few baby classes (when they were allowed) but I never really made and friends from going.

I have friends but none of them have children yet so I don’t have the option to meet them during the week.

Every day I take my son for a walk around our local park. I usually go the same time after my sons morning nap.

For the last few weeks when we go there is a woman there pushing her son.
I would guess she is a similar age to me and her son is about the same age as mine.

I’d love to have a friend to meet up with locally and so many times I thought about waving to her or asking if she fancies a walk, but I feel like it would be weird.

It’s not in the playground like we’re both stood around, we’re both walking when I see her.

I’ve also, since having my son, been struggling with low self esteem and I’m worried she might not want to be seen with me.

I’ve gained weight and my psoriasis has flared which is noticeable on my face.

I just don’t want to appear to be a weirdo approaching her, but if she’s local and we both have children the same age, id love to have company on my walks.
Or even just someone to make some plans with when restrictions permit.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/02/2021 14:47

I would smile and say hello and perhaps ask her how old her baby is. It's a great time to make new friends and let's face it, anyone in the park on their own with a baby is likely to fancy a chat with someone in the same boat. Good luck!

mistermagpie · 22/02/2021 14:47

Nah I think you're fine, she might love a chat too!

I am quite introverted and would be terrified of starting a conversation with a stranger before I had kids, but now I have three little ones and I've realised that children are a great way to get round feeling a bit shy. Everyone loves talking about their kids so it's easy to ask questions and if they are similar ages it's easy to find common ground. I met my best friend at an antenatal class in my first pregnancy and other than our children being the same age I would never have thought we would have much in common, but we started chatting and 6 years later she's one of the most important people in my life.

You've nothing, literally nothing, to lose. Go for it.

DinosaurDigestive · 22/02/2021 14:48

I don't think it is weird at all.

I would start off with saying hello and usual small talk about things like the weather and the kids etc and then say hello whenever you see her there.

She could easily be wondering the same as you!

karala · 22/02/2021 14:49

I think it's fine to start a conversation with her and when you go your own ways say something like 'see you next time'. And then speak to her next time. Im always delighted when someone chats to me in the park

HeronLanyon · 22/02/2021 14:50

Not wowed at all but don’t assume you’ll be going for a walk with her etc. That kind of thing has to happen organically. First step is just to talk/exchange pleasantries etc. Then if you carry on seeing them daily it might build into something more supportive (both ways) or not. Absolutely nothing to be lost by saying hello.

Bimblepops · 22/02/2021 14:51

I don't think that is weird at all, I imagine that she is probably in much the same situation as you. My own experience with a new child is that life can feel rather lonely and isolated and that wasn't during a pandemic.
I would go for it, if I were you.

BaggoMcoys · 22/02/2021 14:51

I think you should go for it. Say hello and make small talk. It's not weird at all.

Original poster
summersun08 · 22/02/2021 14:51

@HeronLanyon

Not wowed at all but don’t assume you’ll be going for a walk with her etc. That kind of thing has to happen organically. First step is just to talk/exchange pleasantries etc. Then if you carry on seeing them daily it might build into something more supportive (both ways) or not. Absolutely nothing to be lost by saying hello.
@HeronLanyon

I think that’s what I’m struggling with, I feel almost desperate (sad, I know) for a mum friend and I’m worried I might come across that way and frighten the poor woman!

OP posts:
DinosaurDigestive · 22/02/2021 14:52

I have just noticed the part of your post which I am so sorry about. I've felt like that before but I can assure you it won't be the case at all my lovely Flowers

I have also put weight on - yet again! - and my cheeks are completely bright red with dry patches everywhere so I do get how you feel.

But please don't ever think someone wouldn't want to be seen with you. That isn't the case at all.

I have had low self confidence so many times so I do know how hard it is when feeling like that but please don't put yourself down. I think just about everyone has put on weight and the weather is havoc on lots of skin. You have a very young son as well so please don't put yourself down

C231009 · 22/02/2021 14:52

Going up and making full blown conversation with her might be daunting for her and you. But you could break the ice. If she’s always there you could just make a point of saying ‘hello again’ or something or a ‘how are you’ and take it from there and with a smile of course!

Haggisfish · 22/02/2021 14:53

Not at all, no. I made two nice friends doing exactly that. And I said to both of them ‘it’s so hard to make friends isn’t it? Would it be ok if I took your number and we could go for a coffee or something when lockdown is over?’ After i had met then a few times in the park.

Aprilx · 22/02/2021 14:53

I don’t think that is weird. I don’t have children, only dogs and it seems a bit like fellow dog walkers starting to chat to each other, perfectly normal.

Hadalifeonce · 22/02/2021 14:54

We moved to a new town when DS was about 8 months, everyday I would take him out as I was so
lonely. I started talking to anyone I saw with children, they told me about classes and baby groups, even suggested going together.
So I doubt anyone with a baby will think you strange. Go for it OP, 20 years later I am still friends with some of the women I met.

Unusualllly · 22/02/2021 14:54

Go for it. That is how I made mum friends, just made random (awkward!) small talk about the babies. Some folk it's a 30 second chat then it's over but hopefully you click and can chat longer, get to know each other over a few weeks.

Wellpark · 22/02/2021 14:54

Just say hello how old is her baby etc and then chat about how the lockdown and how it's been difficult for mums with little ones. Then ask if she wants to meet up for a walk round the park and a chat sometime.

Beamur · 22/02/2021 14:55

Just strike up a normal conversation. Chat about the weather, kids, etc.
If she responds in a friendly manner you've made a start.

HeronLanyon · 22/02/2021 14:56

I also meant to say I’m sorry about your low self esteem issues. I can’t imagine how hard it is in lockdown craziness to be a new mum. Bloody good for you for getting out and about. If someone speaks to me out and about I have never once thought ‘oh god I don’t want to be seen with them’. That’s the awful thing about low self esteem you start to imagine people are thinking all sorted of things they just aren’t. You go girl. (First time I’ve ever typed or said that but feels right !Grin)

museumum · 22/02/2021 15:00

I'd just start with exchanging greetings 'morning' or even 'morning, lovely today isn't it?' and see if she seems open to more of a chat. It could take a few of these pleasantries before actually progressing to having a chat though... either way, surely it'd be nice to greet somebody local even if it doesn't progress?

Loopyloututu · 22/02/2021 15:01

I would’ve loved someone to strike up conversation with me when I was in your position - I often felt lonely too when my dc’s were small. I would just have a generic chat first of all to sound her out!

inmyslippers · 22/02/2021 15:04

I very luckily made a mum friend at the park. I think a lot of women are in exactly the same position. It's just taking that first step

greyspottedgoose · 22/02/2021 15:08

I ended up with a best friend for life after being cornered by a random girl who announced our kids where in the same school. I thought I was fine with my 'old' friends from before moving house but I will forever be grateful she started talking and how have a nice little group here too

WetJan · 22/02/2021 15:12

In hindsight, I had terrible postnatal anxiety and worried constantly about what others thought of me/my parenting. However, you can't go wrong with:

  1. "how old?"
  2. a compliment on any clothing/accessory
  3. "I'm bloody fed up of walks to the park!" Grin
Cloudyrainsham · 22/02/2021 15:14

I chat to strangers all the time. Go for it x

Shrivelled · 22/02/2021 15:20

Join the Mush or Peanut apps. They connect mums wanting to makes friends in your local area. It’s easy to strike up a conversation with others in a park, but to make a jump to “let’s swap numbers and do this again” is always awkward in my experience, even if you’re really confident.

SquizzaMama · 22/02/2021 15:20

Some great advice here and definitely not weird! No harm in making pleasantries...take a leap and say hi!

Hopefully we will get some good news today re: the roadmap...and maybe, once permitted, you could put a shout out on facebook on your local page for a mums with babies meet up? (Obviously adhering to the number cap!)

There will be alot of new mums in your position xx