hi there I've nc for this as it's intimate.
I really resent my husband and I think I'm in the wrong, like stuck. I have a history of sa as a child (not continuous, just a few times) and had quite a neglectful upbringing, dad leant on me too much emotionally when mum left.
I have had counselling for this and am waiting for me (nhs so mixed results, can't afford better.)
I feel so resentful of my dh though. I'm unable to say what's me and what's him.
its a few things really, I asked him to treat a chest of drawers more gently as its a sentimental antique and he immediately went on about how my clothes are always hanging out of mine. weird as they weren't.
last week we were sitting on the sofa and I picked up the paper to finish an article and he said "I though we were chatting!!" I chatted a bit more then read, and he said "right you're just being a c*nt then". charming.
I pretend to be asleep in the morning so I dont have to talk to him, his voice is booming. ditto in the evenings i try and avoid the danger of intimacy.
he works really long hours. he is a great dad but less so to the dd. he isnt very good at expressing his emotions and his harder on her than ds's.
I feel physiological distress when he touches me unless I am drunk (I am cutting down massively on alcohol as part of a new self care effort)
so aibu to not know,,, how much of our problem is him and how much is me? I feel like a terrible person towards him.
has anyone else had similar experiences, any insights?
what do I do about it?
tia