Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours and DH

68 replies

PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 19:07

I'm feeling really anxious about this situation (I suffer from anxiety as it is and confrontation of any kind really triggers it).

What are your opinions on DHs reaction in this situation?

We have a passage running between our house and next door which is gated at the front. The back of the ginnel opens into our garden and then there is a gate into next doors garden. Access is for both houses.

Our neighbors are difficult as it is. They are noisy and inconsiderate, regularly having lots of people round during lockdown, making noise until all hours of the morning and so on...

One of the biggest problems we've had is that they never shut the gates at either the front of the houses or the gate between our garden and theirs. Because the ginnel opens up into our garden, it means our dog can potentially get into the street when let out to toilet. DH has asked several times that the gates be kept closed but there are so many people coming and going all the time they are regularly left open.

The lock on their garden gate has now been broken off and the gate swings and bangs and leaves our gardens open. We recently paid to have all the party fence re done with no contribution from them because it blew down. DH has asked that a new lock be put on their garden gate so it can be kept closed but nothing has happened and it regularly keeps us up at night banging.

DH is sick of it now and has basically screwed it closed. He's said if he wants to use it, he'll have to come from the front of the ginnel and unscrew it and until it's fixed, DH will keep going back out and screwing it shut again.

I would have just preferred to have paid to get it fixed ourselves (next door won't even though it's their gate), but DH is refusing to our of principal considering we did the fencing too (which technically their side should be responsible for).

It's also come to a head after a long list of things, as mentioned above. I've also seen them using our drive to get their motorbike onto the road (they have a garden at front, we have a drive), so they'll come out of the ginnel and go down our drive rather than their garden on their motorbikes, them and their friends whenever DH is at work and not parked on it. It's incredibly noisy as it goes right underneath our window and has woken our baby up before. I think they think we just be out as the car isn't on the drive.

I feel so stressed about the possible confrontation and I've explained to DH that as they have a right to use the ginnel we can't really screw their gate closed. He said he doesn't care, he's asked nicely, it opens onto our property and leaves our property vulnerable and basically 'what are they going to do?'.

I just hate the idea of heightening tensions when we have to live here and would rather have just taken the hit and fixed their gate, although I am known for being a pushover!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Paul72 · 20/02/2021 19:13

It was a long post but I tend to agree with your hubby

Bookriddle · 20/02/2021 19:24

Yep I agree with your husband, you have been nice, and asked if they can shut the gate, but they refuse!

Livelovebehappy · 20/02/2021 19:25

I too agree with your DH. Unfortunately people like this perceive niceness as being a pushover, so you have to be confrontational. They’ll either react by sorting the issue out, or be equally confrontational. If I won the lotto tonight, I would find a field miles from anyone, and build a house. So many issues seem to be around with neighbours these days.

Moondust001 · 20/02/2021 19:26

Sorry. I'm in sympathy with your husband, but I don't agree with him and I think he's deliberately stirring things up. He's inviting retaliation. I would expect things to get worse. They clearly aren't the best of neighbours to have, so I appreciate that things get convoluted. But whether they observe the lockdown is another issue. If the noise is too much, then you must complain to the council. There's no law that says they had to replace the fence. And honestly, wheeling a motorbike across an empty drive is really not unreasonable - fence/ gate it if you want to stop them but on that one i don't see much harm being done. But screwing their gate closed is unreasonable. Understandable that you've lost patience. But still unreasonable.

TierFourTears · 20/02/2021 19:30

Any way you can add a gate at the garden end of the ginnel that would just be for your use into your garden.
Whilst I can see why your husband has done what he has, it is preventing them accessing their right of way, and he is technically in the wrong.

Nearlyhalfterm · 20/02/2021 19:30

Can you add a second gate and part of a fence in yours that will keep your dog in but leave them access if they fix the gate? It's not really safe screwing shut the gate in case you or they need to get out in an emergency.

snoopy8 · 20/02/2021 19:31

I'm with your husband on this one, but so sorry you're feeling anxious and I would feel the same. I hate confrontation etc. It's also really upsetting when people wake your baby :(

No advice but sending sympathy

PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 19:34

And honestly, wheeling a motorbike across an empty drive is really not unreasonable

They don't wheel them.

Multiple of them drive them (they are loud rally type bikes), down our drive.

OP posts:
JesusWeptLady · 20/02/2021 19:34

It sounds stressful all round and I think your anxiety is warranted, given you don't want an escalated situation. This is what I suggest

  1. fix the lock / catch on their gate for them
  2. fence off your back garden except for a communal "passageway" so your dog is in your back garden and not likely to escape.
  3. If you can (I can't tell logistically) and if you really feel the need, change your front to a garden and again, fence it so that they don't have access to more than a passage to the street.

And good luck. Neighbors are best when quiet and invisible and that's not very often, I know.

faerveren · 20/02/2021 19:35

How much of your garden would you lose to put a fence and gate up leaving access to their gate? Do they have to walk through your garden to access theirs?

PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 19:36

@Nearlyhalfterm

Can you add a second gate and part of a fence in yours that will keep your dog in but leave them access if they fix the gate? It's not really safe screwing shut the gate in case you or they need to get out in an emergency.
This is what I've suggested to DH we do. It's just another expense we could do without after just fixing the fence too.
OP posts:
PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 19:37

@faerveren

How much of your garden would you lose to put a fence and gate up leaving access to their gate? Do they have to walk through your garden to access theirs?
The ginnel is basically in our garden. So they walk into our garden when they come down the ginnel and then have a gate into their own.

Both the gate at the entrance to the ginnel (so access from the street) and the gate to their garden are constantly left open.

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 20/02/2021 19:38

Put one of those "returning himges" on the front gate, so it swings shut automatically.

notapizzaeater · 20/02/2021 19:39

We've had to,put a swinging shut hinges on our gate after our window cleaner left it open and the dog got out. Wouldn't stop them using it but would make it close afterwards.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 20/02/2021 19:39

I understand how your DH feels but it will probably only exacerbate things.

Sapho47 · 20/02/2021 19:40

@Bookriddle

Yep I agree with your husband, you have been nice, and asked if they can shut the gate, but they refuse!
So vandalism it is!
PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 19:40

I wouldn't care about the bikes down our drive so much if it weren't for the other stuff and if it weren't for the fact they (and multiple of their friends) drive them down rather than wheel them.

They drive them down the ginnel and down our drive, it's so loud!

OP posts:
lockdownalli · 20/02/2021 19:40

Where's the diagram?

Sapho47 · 20/02/2021 19:43

@PullUpTrev

And honestly, wheeling a motorbike across an empty drive is really not unreasonable

They don't wheel them.

Multiple of them drive them (they are loud rally type bikes), down our drive.

You want to find somewhere in the shared alleyway. Where you can put something on your house wall.

Ideally right hand side as you face in, so like those half circle hanging baskets?

.you want it handle bar high mt and on their right as they ride towards it (left side works too but it far less hilarious if they bump into it than when they catch their front brake)

Rally bikes have huge bars so you won't need much to make it impassable.

Nearlyhalfterm · 20/02/2021 19:47

It will likely be cheaper in the long term as they will be less likely to break that.

Nearlyhalfterm · 20/02/2021 19:47

To build a new fence and gate to fence yours off

PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 19:52

I also want to gate off our drive too at the start of the ginnel so they can still access the ginnel but can't get onto our drive.

Some people might not care about them using our drive when its empty and I wouldn't either if they were decent neighbours but I personally think it's bloody cheeky with everything else going on and just shows their complete lack of consideration or respect.

I think I agree with PPs that in the long run its just going to be best to gate off our garden and leave them to do whatever they want with their gate.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 20/02/2021 19:52

I think of you do that kind of thing then you need to brace yourself/accept that there will be some comeback and I’m not sure it’s fair of your DH to put you in that position when you’re both potentially going to get crap from it. It’s the kind of thing that 5 years ago my DH would have done and I’ve of felt the same as you but I think that the potential backlash isn’t worth it

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/02/2021 19:52

you want it handle bar high mt and on their right as they ride towards it (left side works too but it far less hilarious if they bump into it than when they catch their front brake)

Yes, or caltrops. Wankers.

CoffeeRunner · 20/02/2021 19:53

After Googling what a ginnel is......

You really need to put another fence/gate to separate your garden from anywhere the neighbours have a right of access over.

Our first house sounds similar but at the end of the alley, there were two gates - one to their garden & one to ours.

Swipe left for the next trending thread