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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours and DH

68 replies

PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 19:07

I'm feeling really anxious about this situation (I suffer from anxiety as it is and confrontation of any kind really triggers it).

What are your opinions on DHs reaction in this situation?

We have a passage running between our house and next door which is gated at the front. The back of the ginnel opens into our garden and then there is a gate into next doors garden. Access is for both houses.

Our neighbors are difficult as it is. They are noisy and inconsiderate, regularly having lots of people round during lockdown, making noise until all hours of the morning and so on...

One of the biggest problems we've had is that they never shut the gates at either the front of the houses or the gate between our garden and theirs. Because the ginnel opens up into our garden, it means our dog can potentially get into the street when let out to toilet. DH has asked several times that the gates be kept closed but there are so many people coming and going all the time they are regularly left open.

The lock on their garden gate has now been broken off and the gate swings and bangs and leaves our gardens open. We recently paid to have all the party fence re done with no contribution from them because it blew down. DH has asked that a new lock be put on their garden gate so it can be kept closed but nothing has happened and it regularly keeps us up at night banging.

DH is sick of it now and has basically screwed it closed. He's said if he wants to use it, he'll have to come from the front of the ginnel and unscrew it and until it's fixed, DH will keep going back out and screwing it shut again.

I would have just preferred to have paid to get it fixed ourselves (next door won't even though it's their gate), but DH is refusing to our of principal considering we did the fencing too (which technically their side should be responsible for).

It's also come to a head after a long list of things, as mentioned above. I've also seen them using our drive to get their motorbike onto the road (they have a garden at front, we have a drive), so they'll come out of the ginnel and go down our drive rather than their garden on their motorbikes, them and their friends whenever DH is at work and not parked on it. It's incredibly noisy as it goes right underneath our window and has woken our baby up before. I think they think we just be out as the car isn't on the drive.

I feel so stressed about the possible confrontation and I've explained to DH that as they have a right to use the ginnel we can't really screw their gate closed. He said he doesn't care, he's asked nicely, it opens onto our property and leaves our property vulnerable and basically 'what are they going to do?'.

I just hate the idea of heightening tensions when we have to live here and would rather have just taken the hit and fixed their gate, although I am known for being a pushover!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Ludo19 · 20/02/2021 19:56

I'm with your hubby on this. It'll make matters worse but they are unreasonable and selfish. Also if possible put a stop to their bikes accessing your drive and down the shared ginnel although them doing that and thinking its OK says a lot about them.

Onsiesarethenewblack · 20/02/2021 19:57

I think we have the same set up OP, though we are luckier with our neighbours. I sympathise with your husband but I think this just gives your neighbours ammunition if I'm honest.
I know it's expensive but in the longer term is there any scope to separate the access? Some of the houses on our street have done this by erecting a gate and a small/custom fence panel adjacent to the neighbours gate, to block off the 'open' garden. I know that's a pain but if you're on the 'open' side you can't really guarantee a secure garden.

Chloemol · 20/02/2021 19:57

Fence round the path bit they use to get to their gate, with a gate into your garden, yes more expense but you get peace of mind

Bluntness100 · 20/02/2021 20:00

As much as I understand your husbands reaction this is hugely going to escalate it. He clearly can’t screw it shut.

You need to gate off yout own garden to stop this.

Weebitawks · 20/02/2021 20:01

Can you not put some sort of fence at your end ? Might be much easier in the long run.

Jessbow · 20/02/2021 20:16

just put a closer on the gate. Less than £6 in B&Q.

www.diy.com/departments/blooma-black-steel-gate-spring-l-204mm/308245_BQ.prd

LIZS · 20/02/2021 20:23

Who owns the land and who has the easement over it? Agree spring closers are the way forwards. Could you move your gate further in so access to theirs is no longer through your garden,

SeaToSki · 20/02/2021 20:31

If you put a spring closer on the gate (which I think is a really good idea) make sure its an industrial strength one. It will make it almost impossible to get the bikes through without scraping them or getting off and walking them slowly through.

StoneofDestiny · 20/02/2021 20:33

Big sponge buffers to stop the noise of the gate slamming. Put a locked gate to close off your drive - it will settle that part.

Frankly I'd move if I lived next to such arses.

MizMoonshine · 20/02/2021 20:48

OP can we get a diagram please?

TheyIsMyFamily · 20/02/2021 20:51

Hell. I'd just start reporting them every time they have people over. Every time.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 20/02/2021 20:55

I need a diagram please

PullUpTrev · 20/02/2021 21:06

.

Neighbours and DH
OP posts:
mumwon · 20/02/2021 21:07

big rocks on your drive boundary - cemented in - (they do this on some road edges to stop people parking)

LIZS · 20/02/2021 21:12

Ours has a gate into our garden just beyond the ndn gate. You lose a little land but it gives you security.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 20/02/2021 21:14

From the diagram it looks like you have the fence but just lack the gate?

Seafog · 20/02/2021 21:15

Fence off your drive and garden, so they can only access the ginnel and their own garden

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/02/2021 21:18

Put a new fence in coming perpendicular out from the boundary fence into your garden (black line) and 2 gates (pink lines) on diagram. Sorted.

Neighbours and DH
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/02/2021 21:20

And actually I'd do the bit in the back garden anyway even if the neighbours were lovely because I'd want the privacy

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/02/2021 21:21

If you did this you could actually remove the gate at the front of the ginnel (possibly reuse it) so one less gate for them to bang

Needsmustnow · 20/02/2021 21:22

Shouldn’t you both have a gate at each fence? Normally both properties would have a gate at about 45 degrees.

Louiselouie0890 · 20/02/2021 21:23

I agree with your husband however I understand your anxiety so just don't get involved switch off from it and leave him to it

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/02/2021 21:25

Or put the spring loaded hinges on it and make it open into the ginnel which would make it close to impossible for them to drive their bikes down as they'd need to get off to open the gate. Plus some sort of cushioning (don't know correct term) so it doesn't bang. If you can put this on their rear gate too then go for it

Take the screws out, although I don't blame your Dh it will inflame the situation. Just fuck them over by whatever means you can to remove the annoyances.

Winter2020 · 20/02/2021 21:25

I agree you should fence your back garden. The neighbours back gate banging sounds annoying but if the houses share access down the path between the properties then your neighbours should be able to access the side and back of their property without encountering your dog.

Needsmustnow · 20/02/2021 21:27

Actually my idea at the drive doesn’t make sense, I’m not sure why there’s a fence or gate at that end, without seeing the rest of the area. But at the right hand side I think it’s more a case of you not having a gate than them coming in to your garden.