Experiences as a trainee solicitor

[MrsABC123]

Name changed for this post as it might be fairly revealing. Not sure why I am posting this now but I have been mulling over some past experiences and wanted to know whether people think I am overreacting or not. At the time I brushed this stuff off but now I'm not sure. This all happened about 7 - 10 years ago.

For context, I was a trainee at a very well regarded silver circle firm in London. Completed my training contract and was offered a role in the department of my choice where I stayed until 3 years PQ at which point I changed careers completely having become totally disillusioned with the hours I was working (routinely - and I really do mean routinely - leaving after midnight) and no support from partners.

Anyway, the three experiences below definitely added to the stress and anxiety I experienced and I wonder what you make of them:

1. My first supervisor (male, 38, married, 3 kids): would allude to the fact he and his wife no longer had sex, told me that if the end of the world was coming he'd take me into the prayer room and shag me, other things like that. Full disclosure: I definitely had a crush on him but now reframing it, I wonder if it's all a bit gross considering I was only 23...

1. Second supervisor: made it clear he didn't like me from the word go (not sure why, I probably was a bit hopeless), would shout at me or ignore me, told me in my mid-seat review that he couldn't think of one positive thing about me so he had written that I "made a nice cup of tea." I was later told that he had a "problem" with "nice looking young women" by a senior associate who had the same experience with him as a trainee.

1. Post qualification I sat with the 60 year old male head of department from about 2 years PQ who would hide parts of my lunch in his desk drawer that he deemed to be "unhealthy" (stuff like popcorn mainly) and refuse to give it back. He'd also complain that I didn't get in until 9.30am when he was at his desk at 8 (he left at 5 on the dot, I left at 10 earliest).

What does everyone think about this? In retrospect I find it all rather unpleasant and am angry that my experience in law (which I worked bloody hard for and at) was ended by a combination of toxic work environment and unbelievably long hours.

AIBU or not? Anyone else have similar experiences?

I think @Dannydevitoiloveyourart makes a really good point about institutionalisation. Which is often a relevant point about any toxic relationship.

I would also say a lot of firms are working hard to improve on many fronts. However, the cynic in me also knows that in many corporate institutions, they make a lot of the right noises and a show of the right tick boxes, but very little actually changes. Or changes very slowly.

One female supervisor in a fairly big firm (now a plc), doing insolvency work, was notorious for bullying trainees and PAs but very slyly and always when the partner in charge of the department wasnt around. All of them ended up in tears because of her at some point, including the male trainees. No one ever wanted a seat there or to qualify there. Awful woman who's probably only got where she was by following another male partner around various firms for her entire career, and when they had to travel for trial, client meetings etc. they'd only ever book one hotel room (they were both married to other people). When she went on mat leave he made a proper cringe speech about her - "everyone needs a XxxX in their lives" 🤮 but everyone just stood around eyerolling and saying nothing instead of clapping and raising a glass. We were made up when she didnt come back after it.

My first ever boss ended up in prison funnily enough he was the nicest boss I had as trainee and took the trouble to actually teach me unlike some of the horrors in the larger firms!

Now I'm reading these other experiences are coming back to me...

Like the partner and female associate I shared a room with for 3 months who literally never EVER said one word for me. She's now a partner so I guess that's what they're looking for.

And the male junior partner who told a group of about 10 of my colleagues at a works drinks that I was the only woman in the room he would never sleep with because I was so ugly. I was so mortified and sad.

Gaaar I'm so angry on behalf of my younger self that I took this shit.

I suspect that many of these experiences are about the era (coupled with long hours/big egos) rather than law per se.

I’m only 4 years PQE

I know of many female colleagues who have had similar experiences. One in particular was assaulted by a client at a networking event, quite seriously, she approached the partners who said they were sorry it happened but essentially that it was a very good client and we mustn’t upset him. So she was expected to continue as before. That really upset her as she thought she would be protected/supported if she reported if.

The bar but still relevant.

www.legalcheek.com/2021/02/barristers-are-demanding-tougher-sanctions-for-sexual-misconduct-at-the-bar/

Wow. I trained & qualified at a top 10 City law firm in 2000. Not magic circle but not far off.
I never experienced any of this. My colleagues were great. I am no longer in law but remain good friends with many of them.

That doesn't echo my experience (been in City law firms of various types for 20 years). I have experienced bullying, long hours and lots of stress. The only sexual incident I had was from a partner at a foreign office of the firm I was visiting with a male colleague. The male colleague was horrified and spoke to me about it afterwards. The bullying was the worst thing I experienced - it can be a brutal environment.