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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Deleting someone on fb

70 replies

littlemiss3 · 20/02/2021 11:57

NC as could be quite outing.

Let me start by saying I know how trivial and petty this is but it's put me in an awkward position!

I have a group of friends that I met when pregnant with my first. We've developed really good friendships and keep in touch often as our dcs are the same age and enjoy playing together. We've done a lot of family days out as well so we are all on friendly terms with each other's DH's as well.

Recently my Dh went on Facebook and realised one of the women had deleted him. He's taken great offence to this (he can be quite sensitive to this type of thing) as he has always made an effort with them and never been rude or anything to her.

To be completely honest with the situation DH can sometimes be a bit of a nightmare on Facebook, he hardly ever posts on his own wall or anything but is a nightmare for posting on football pages and can often use awful language and this will sometimes show up on my news feed so I'm guessing it shows up on his other friends too.

Now I feel like I'm in a bit of an awkward situation, I think by deleting somebody on Facebook these days you are clearly making a point that you don't like them. Surely it would have been easier to just unfollow him or change your settings so you don't see his posts? Now he says he doesn't want to meet up with them again (when we can!) because she's made it very clear what she thinks. What should I do? Ignore it and just not take husband with me when we have meet ups? Or say something and risk falling out?

OP posts:

heart80s · 20/02/2021 12:00

The person who deleted him may of just had a friend cull if he doesn't go on it very much. I wouldn't read to much into it.

DogsSausages · 20/02/2021 12:04

Maybe she didnt like seeing his awful language on posts, her dc may have seen them too. Has your friend mentioned it to you, sorry but he sounds quite childish.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/02/2021 12:05

I would mute/delete your dh.
It shows on feed when someone is commenting on different pages. It's annoying. Is he her friend? Or just by proxy through you? It's nothing personal. I am surprised he realised tbh.

Lots of people don't know (surprisingly) that you can just mute people.

He needs to be an adult

PercyPiginaWig · 20/02/2021 12:05

What do you mean by 'awful language'?
A few fucks etc, on Facebook, immature but I could scroll on by.
Or do you mean actual abusive, racist, homophobic, misogynist language?

Your friend doesn't have to have anyone she doesn't want on her Facebook for whatever reason. It's good to have boundaries.

OldEvilOwl · 20/02/2021 12:05

He needs to grow up and stop posting stupid sweary shit on Facebook

Fascinationends · 20/02/2021 12:06

I delete people who post things like your husband does. I certainly wouldn't be changing settings to avoid hurting his feelings if he was the person who was offensive and needed deleting. Just tell him to grow up (and that if he is being an offensive twat he should stop).

JackieWeaversZoomAc · 20/02/2021 12:11

I think your husband needs to grow up.

I have really good friends that I've had for decades that I mute or consider deleting on Facebook. Just because of the stupid shit they post I don't really wanna see. It's an aggravation I don't want or need on my fb.

These are people that I do still consider friends.

NewScone · 20/02/2021 12:12

It's just Facebook. Could be any reason. Could be she was fed up of his language and didnt know about unfollowing. Could be she's trimmed down her friends list.

DavidsSchitt · 20/02/2021 12:16

He probably comes across as an arrogant prick and she's sick of seeing it.

Original poster

littlemiss3 · 20/02/2021 12:22

Just to confirm Dh is never abusive on Facebook, it's mainly just on the football pages he supports and will be comments such as 'such a f'ing bad game' ect.

I see all your points so thanks for replying. I just personally wouldn't delete one particular person out of a group of people and no one else as I think it's just rather childish. If you don't like someone you can just mute them and be the bigger person

OP posts:

LuaDipa · 20/02/2021 12:25

Depends on the circumstances. My dh often deletes people as he is exceptionally private and only wants things the very few things he shares to be seen by family and close friends. I have a tendency to keep people so as not to offend and he finds it very strange as he doesn’t think anyone would actually care or notice.

I have recently deleted two acquaintances who’s dc used to be friends with my dd. One because her dd was using the dm’s access to my page to find images that I had posted years ago to bully my dd. The other because I haven’t seen her in several years and she made a random approach to follow my dd on another form of social media which thankfully dd brought to my attention. Dd is not in contact with her dd at all so it wasn’t even as though it was to keep an eye on her dd’s friendships. We both found it very strange (or maybe just nosy as I no longer really share anything) and I was glad that dd knew how to behave when approached by a random adult.

I think in your case dh may have caused offence, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he should cut contact - some people are better in real life. I also agree with pp’s that this would be a good opportunity for dh to consider his behaviour. I would not mention any if this to friend.

Fascinationends · 20/02/2021 12:25

But if the person doesnt actually like your husband, why should they keep being connected on social media so your DH doesn't get sad? That's not being chilish, that's your dh being over sensitive. You are treating Facebook like it matters - it really doesn't.

user1493413286 · 20/02/2021 12:26

I think I’d wait until next time you see her and mention it

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/02/2021 12:27

@littlemiss3

Just to confirm Dh is never abusive on Facebook, it's mainly just on the football pages he supports and will be comments such as 'such a f'ing bad game' ect.

I don't think it's childish. I think it's childish to refuse to see a person irl who deleted you because they had enough of your facebook crap. Why does she have to be the bigger person? Your DH could be the bigger person and just ignore this without being a drama llama

Original poster

littlemiss3 · 20/02/2021 12:28

@Fascinationends

I just think it is very childish. In this day and age social media does account for a lot. Especially when you aren't able to get out and see people. I can't stand her husband but wouldn't delete him as I think it is rude and looks petty

OP posts:

LumpyPillow · 20/02/2021 12:28

You've no reason at all to bring it up with her, at all. She can delete who she likes. If he doesn't interact or share or communicate with her and all she sees are sweary football posts.... then what does he expect?.They obviously aren't close friends and its not a big deal.

Its highly likely you could take him along to these group things in the future and everything would be normal. She also may have any number of reasons for deleting your dh.

He sounds like a massive baby if he's taken such offence, why does he care? Why should this woman have to soften the blow for someone she likely feels she barely knows and mute him rather than delete him?why? He's a grown man!

The person you need to speak to is him, to explain why someone might not need or want him on their friends list. And also that nobody owes anyone 'Facebook friendship'.

AlternativePerspective · 20/02/2021 12:37

I delete people with impunity. People I haven’t spoken to for ages, since the beginning of the pandemic I have deleted a number of people who cared to put out COVID conspiracy shite, people who I thought were intelligent but now have no wish to engage with any more.

And why should anyone hide people? Let’s be honest here, if you just ignored people in RL they would notice anyway, so why not just remove them from your list on social media - it’s facebook, most of what people put on there is bollocks anyway.

And tbh anyone who has the time or inclination to go through their friend list to see who has deleted them frankly needs to get a life.

NanuNanuM · 20/02/2021 12:47

I delete to make room for things I want to look at. It's not personal.

If they are still willing to meet up then they must like you all enough to do that.

I don't see the issue, it's her FB account and not a list of popular friends. I think you put too much focus on social media.

HappyRaven · 20/02/2021 12:50

She can delete whomever she likes. I think its your husband who needs to grow up. It would be embarrassing to mention it, what would it achieve?

NanuNanuM · 20/02/2021 12:50

Perhaps she has the hots for your husband sooooo much, she is deleting temptation as she gets steamy over his swear football posts?

Boho7 · 20/02/2021 12:58

Glad I dont have Facebook..sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama..
How exhausting x

Radio4Rocks · 20/02/2021 13:04

I think it's childish to care about it, OP. You are adults not teenagers.

Moondust001 · 20/02/2021 13:14

@littlemiss3

Just to confirm Dh is never abusive on Facebook, it's mainly just on the football pages he supports and will be comments such as 'such a f'ing bad game' ect.

Or your husband could grow up? He doesn't communicate with this woman and there is no reason he should care whether he is on her Facebook or not; she perhaps doesn't want to follow his bad language; she perhaps did it by accident because you haven't damned well spoken to her about it, have you? And on the basis of being "deleted" by someone he really doesn't bother with on line, he doesn't want to "play" out with her any more? Seriously, is he 2?

Moondust001 · 20/02/2021 13:19

In this day and age social media does account for a lot

It certainly does count for a lot these days...

childish dramas and spats with people you barely know or don't know
people thinking that they have thousands of friends when they don't
misinformation on a massive scale
and now, one of the primary reasons for disciplinaries and dismissals at work

And that is why I don't have social media. I have found that real life is actually much more satisfying.

AuntieMarys · 20/02/2021 13:22

Your dh needs to get over himself. You both sound ridiculous

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