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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that I'm tired of my teenagers...

36 replies

nolovelost · 20/02/2021 09:19

I'm tired of making an effort with them...
I'm tired of being offended when they can't be bothered with me...
I'm tired of making them meals, only for them to piss off after...
I'm tired of giving them lifts when they don't appreciate it...
I'm tired of being offended by their attitude...
I'm tired of trying to make nice conversation...
I'm tired of encouraging them...

BUT I love them and I'll carry on being their lovely mum but GOD this is wearing! Think I'm just going to concentrate on me more and leave them to it but find it really hard as it feels like we're strangers!

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/02/2021 09:20

Me too. Like dealing with a sleeping animal that snarls when you disturb it. Until it wants something.....

Original poster
nolovelost · 20/02/2021 09:42

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow yes exactly! I'm going to stop talking to them, looking at them and smiling at them!

OP posts:
SerenityFlowers · 20/02/2021 09:57

I'd love to know what the answer is, apart from just sitting it out. I'm hoping that things will improve a bit once restrictions start to be lifted - it can't help to be spending all hours cooped up at home without friends. I wonder how much is about being unable to articulate feelings so instead it is taken out on the person who loves them most and who they know will always forgive them.

Original poster
nolovelost · 20/02/2021 10:31

Restrictions have definitely not helped, and I agree with the articulating feelings. I tell mine that I'd rather they spill their feelings rather than bottle it up, but they don't always want to talk - and I don't push -but they know I'm there if they want to. A case of sitting it out yes. Interested to know the outcome on the Monday.

OP posts:
Taikoo · 20/02/2021 10:34

Do they pitch in with chores, cooking etc?
They really should.
They sound selfish and arrogant.

Ledkr · 20/02/2021 10:39

Ill raise you endless cups of tea made and not drunk!
Huge cooked meals at random times of the day.
Shouting at me if i ask her to do anything.
Having to listen to her endless social media dramas.
She is lovely really though 😉

Funfacts99 · 20/02/2021 10:46

You are not alone op Flowers

Lockdown definitely hasn't helped, and I appreciate they are going through hard times, but I am utterly fed up of walking on eggshells around them , in case they have another meltdown about something totally ridiculous like their favourite leggings are drying on the washing line (having been picked up off their bedroom floor and washed by me) , and constantly nagging them to do their basic fair share is getting on my wick.

(I await lots of posts telling me I should have got them in to a routine of doing chores when they were small and how I am pandering to them, and how teens given proper boundaries , will cooperate and pull their weight. For the record, I did and I'm not and they DON'T!!)

LagneyandCasey · 20/02/2021 10:51

Can I join the club?

Lots of teeth gritting and ignoring - by me! - happening here. In normal times I wouldn't stand for it quite as much, but pussyfooting around her is the only thing getting us through the days atm. I send her to the shop for bread and milk every other day which gives her something to do and she comes back a lot brighter which gives us a few minutes of actual conversation until she slopes back off to her room.

Mellonsprite · 20/02/2021 10:52

YANBU, I am trying to remember it’s particularly hard for teens at the moment, I think the impacts on them are largely forgotten. We hear lots about other age groups, but not too much on how this has affected teens? When I was a teen my social life was everything to me and that has been paused for a year.
BTW I’m not excusing rudeness at all, I’ve had some epic rows with teen DS’ this year!!

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 20/02/2021 11:11

@Funfacts99

“ (I await lots of posts telling me I should have got them in to a routine of doing chores when they were small and how I am pandering to them, and how teens given proper boundaries , will cooperate and pull their weight. For the record, I did and I'm not and they DON'T!!)”

^ This!!!
With bells on, usually from parents of well behaved toddlers who reckon they’ve got this parenting lark...

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 20/02/2021 11:13

@LagneyandCasey

Great idea, how far away is the shop? 10 miles? Would 50 be too far do you think? Grin

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/02/2021 11:25

I await lots of posts telling me I should have got them in to a routine of doing chores when they were small and how I am pandering to them, and how teens given proper boundaries , will cooperate and pull their weight. For the record, I did and I'm not and they DON'T!!

Oh God yeah! Either said by those with younger children or compliant teens😖mine would say black was white. Because she can! Ditto chores. We’ve had 3 compliant teens and one non compliant. I know who was the easiest to make do chores. Sometimes l just lose the will to live. Ask her to do something and she just does the opposite.

Original poster
nolovelost · 20/02/2021 11:32

Can relate to the replies.

Yes they are selfish, but like I've said, I'm tired of encouraging...blah blah, I'm not going to force them to do chores etc. When they do something nice for me etc I show them how happy I am. They're not all bad, they do do stuff and I try and ignore the negative stuff if I can. My teenage years were very toxic with my mum, and I'm not going to copy my mum's mistakes to create that same environment.

OP posts:
ChevyCamaro · 20/02/2021 11:40

That seems sensible OP. I do think that as we become parents of teens we have to sort of undo our instinct to constantly nurture, and re- learn how to be a bit selfish. Otherwise we will go nuts!( I'm halfway there..)

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/02/2021 11:47

Mine hates me nurturing her!

Original poster
nolovelost · 20/02/2021 12:47

@ChevyCamaro thanks I'm happy you've re-learned this, this is the way I want to be - I don't want to give a shit that they don't want to be around me and just do things for myself. It's difficult when you've had years of doing nice things together, and they appeared to like me! That's definitely my aim coming out of lockdown - seeing more friends and doing the things I enjoy without them. And hopefully a mini break away together when allowed, as I think we need that change too. Not done that for such a long time, (forgetting lockdown).

What helped you do this? Are yours older now?

OP posts:
framboisier · 20/02/2021 12:56

Mine's only just into early teens but sometimes I wish I could leave home!

There was an article in The Times today about this very subject.
It talked about it not being the parents' role to "fix" things for them and just be prepared to tell them you understand how shit it all is. And the ratio for praise to complain should be 3:1 - try to ignore the small stuff (I do actually just close the bedroom door and I only have wash laundry that makes it to the actual wash basket)

The best tip: self care is as important for parents. So yes, start doing a bit more for your own pleasure.

My personal tip: it is perfectly acceptable to start drinking at 5 pmWink

Original poster
nolovelost · 20/02/2021 13:50

@framboisier thank you! I absolutely will do more for my own pleasure, I can't wait, in fact!

OP posts:
Paranoidandroidmarvin1350 · 20/02/2021 14:37

We ran out of mugs. I refused to wash them up as they were all in his room. Happily I don’t drink tea.
And then he came down and there were no mugs for tea. He was very unhappy. I was just laughing. I don’t think that helped. Grin

Fairyliz · 20/02/2021 14:44

Think of it like a prison sentence it’s shit but take it one day at a time and eventually you will be free.
Ok you will be exhausted, grey haired and broke but free! Grin

HomeEdRocks18 · 20/02/2021 16:36

I unfortunately have teens that sound just the same as yours.
I recently had a pacemaker fitted and being stuck in bed 24/7 and unable to do anything has made me realise just how lazy and obnoxious they really are.
Fortunately my husband has been at home looking after us all, and he has realised just how much I do for everyone at home when he's usually at work! He apologised to me for not helping more, which was nice.
As for the teens, who knows?!

ChevyCamaro · 20/02/2021 16:37

No, mid teens now NoLove...not easy! I sometimes feel like all i do is nag because you know, there’s this fear that you will send helpless individuals out into the world, so you’re trying to get them to do stuff for themselves, and you want them to understand that you are not their frikkin staff! It can be like banging your head against a brick wall cant it? Thats why walking away sometimes and thinking of yourself is essential. Flowers

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/02/2021 16:55

Yesss lockdown coinciding with teen grumpiness is a bad combination.

We were so close and now she just glowers. And k can’t see my friends to offload

ScrapThatThen · 20/02/2021 17:00

Mine is perfectly polite and helpful but with this air of viewing me as completely hopeless and annoying whenever I open my mouth! Poor her having no one else to talk to 😁

Hotzenplotz · 20/02/2021 17:43

Have you considered selling them on ebay?