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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s account frozen

28 replies

lilalu · 19/02/2021 22:09

AIBU to be utterly shaken by this or??? Long story but my husband and I live in Germany. He’s German, I’m not. And I just found out today that his bank account has been frozen by the ministry of finance here. And I am utterly totally shocked and have no idea what to do. So shocked that I’m not even angry, I just feel kinda empty. He told me after dinner and tried to brush it off as just a minor oversight- he had not paid something, they had chased him for it, but he never got a letter, etc. I don’t know. We have joint finances, I work here, we pay taxes as far as I can tell, we even have an accountant whom I know, BUT because of the language barrier/German bureaucracy, I’ve kinda left him in charge of it. I just kinda froze when he told me and kicked him out of the living room. On the couch now. He’s... somewhere in the house. What do I do????

Background: he’s a pretty decent chap and we do have some pretty open finances. I do know that he’s incredibly shit at managing his personal matters - he’s always late with settling bills, etc. which drives me nuts because I’m really good with this stuff? But he’s an adult so I leave him to settle his crap as I don’t want to get involved. And I don’t want to spend every other day being his mom and reminding him to get his shit sorted. But this affects me doesn’t it?! What do I do??? How serious is this?!

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 19/02/2021 22:15

Can’t he just pay it now or do you think he’s already spent the money?

Original poster
lilalu · 19/02/2021 22:18

@LouiseTrees

Can’t he just pay it now or do you think he’s already spent the money?
I don’t know. I don’t even know what the issue is because I just got some vague bullshitty answer when I asked. And I then didn’t want to talk to him anymore. And the fact that he’s not come bsck in here to talk to me the whole night (which is what he will usually do) tells me this is serious...
OP posts:
EileenGC · 19/02/2021 22:26

I’m also in Germany - I’m not German but have family members who have lived here for almost 40 years and from speaking to my German friends and neighbours, this is a real thing. This country takes debt seriously.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP. He must be in some serious debt if they froze his account.

How long have you been living in Germany?
How is your German now - you need to start reading up on this and first of all, log online and see what your bank accounts say.
You need to sit down with him and get to the bottom of this. What has he not paid, since when and how much does he owe?
Is he self employed? Has he been avoiding taxes or is this the infamous Radio and TV tax (for which I doubt they’d freeze your accounts though).
Do you work and in which capacity?

Debt in Germany accumulates. Quickly and exponentially. I know someone who once didn’t pay the 60€ public transport fine and within a year her fine had become 300€. It’s not written off any time soon, so he needs to pay ASAP.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/02/2021 22:28

He told me after dinner and tried to brush it off as just a minor oversight- he had not paid something, they had chased him for it, but he never got a letter, etc.

I hope you haven't fallen for this bullshit.

EileenGC · 19/02/2021 22:29

Also - have there really not been any letters for him recently? Do you collect each other’s post and know what’s in it? I would say there is almost zero chance he hasn’t been warned about this.

Time for a frank conversation. And may I suggest, a change in who deals with finances. German bureaucracy is a pain in the ass but much simpler than you think, once you start doing it.

Do you have children?

Original poster
lilalu · 19/02/2021 22:33

@EileenGC

I’m also in Germany - I’m not German but have family members who have lived here for almost 40 years and from speaking to my German friends and neighbours, this is a real thing. This country takes debt seriously.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP. He must be in some serious debt if they froze his account.

How long have you been living in Germany?
How is your German now - you need to start reading up on this and first of all, log online and see what your bank accounts say.
You need to sit down with him and get to the bottom of this. What has he not paid, since when and how much does he owe?
Is he self employed? Has he been avoiding taxes or is this the infamous Radio and TV tax (for which I doubt they’d freeze your accounts though).
Do you work and in which capacity?

Debt in Germany accumulates. Quickly and exponentially. I know someone who once didn’t pay the 60€ public transport fine and within a year her fine had become 300€. It’s not written off any time soon, so he needs to pay ASAP.

My bank accounts seem to be fine - but I don’t have access to his. Been living and working here for like 5 years now. He’s not self employed, neither am I, so I can’t imagine that it’s anything to do with tax evasion can it??? Since we pay taxes up front.

Sitting down and talking to him will be the problem :( he’s impossible to talk to about things like this. He’ll just fob me off with a “yeah I don’t know, I’ll sort it out on Monday, don’t worry, it’s nothing” sort of answer. But Monday seems so very far away.

(And I don’t think it’s the stupid radio tax thing because that always comes in my name, urgh)

OP posts:
Original poster
lilalu · 19/02/2021 22:35

@Aquamarine1029

He told me after dinner and tried to brush it off as just a minor oversight- he had not paid something, they had chased him for it, but he never got a letter, etc.

I hope you haven't fallen for this bullshit.

Of course not. I know this is fully on him.
OP posts:
Original poster
lilalu · 19/02/2021 22:37

@EileenGC

Also - have there really not been any letters for him recently? Do you collect each other’s post and know what’s in it? I would say there is almost zero chance he hasn’t been warned about this.

Time for a frank conversation. And may I suggest, a change in who deals with finances. German bureaucracy is a pain in the ass but much simpler than you think, once you start doing it.

Do you have children?

I kinda stay out of his mail because it causes me stress. Like I said, he has form for not paying bills etc on time, and that’s caused so many arguements over the years, that I just decided not to get involved. Like I really don’t want that role of naggy wife you know? But I never thought it would come to this.
OP posts:
EileenGC · 19/02/2021 22:39

Totally understand OP.

Time to be the naggy wife. This could have financial implications for the entire family. Do you already have a permanent residence or a German passport? You don’t want anything on your records preventing you from getting one in the future.

LouiseTrees · 19/02/2021 22:54

You have to sit him down and say don’t fob me off with I’ll do it later, be assertive, tell him it’s not even you just nagging now , that you don’t appreciate that he’s not telling you the amount or the seriousness of the situation so you are naturally assuming you will lose everything and you want a figure written down now. Then pass him a bit of paper.

Boatonthehorizon · 19/02/2021 23:07

Be prepared for a shock though. My first husband was secretly 27k in debt. Had been mounting up the debt to pay the debt instalments. I didn't know a thing and he said exactly the same words youve just written that your DH said.
We divorced but in hindsight could have stuck with him.

It's hard either way. Do you have family around? Flowers

maddening · 19/02/2021 23:08

They may have detected fraud for example-has he actually asked the bank why? The only accounts frozen for debt are credit facilities, he his account is not in overdraft they would not freeze a current account for debt when it is in debit. They might for suspected fraud, to protect the funds in the account.

Inpersuitofhappiness · 19/02/2021 23:11

This could happen if he has an account which is linked to that one, or even that one with unpaid debts/overdrafts.

I know this because my husband had set up a direct debit on a business savings account which had no money in. I did however have an overdraft. He cancelled paper statements. I never accessed that account. I had no idea until my account was frozen. I couldn't understand as the main account had always been in good standing.

Inpersuitofhappiness · 19/02/2021 23:14

Sorry I haven't described that very well,

The situation ended up that my main account was frozen as well because of the one with a debt on. Banks sometimes freeze everything that's linked. My main account had quite a bit of money in at the time

Original poster
lilalu · 19/02/2021 23:51

Thanks for the replies so far. He’s gone to bed in the guest room, which he’s never done before. Not without a huge blowout fight. Which we definitely didn’t have tonight. Which breaks my heart a little. I’m going to bed too. Let’s see what happens tomorrow, I might need a bit of a handhold then.

OP posts:
BonnyandPoppy · 20/02/2021 00:28

Well I speak fluent German so if you find any paperwork you want a quick translation of then photograph it and stick it on here.

maddening · 20/02/2021 00:45

I understood guidance was that they could take money from your account but have to leave you enough money to live on.

blueshoes · 20/02/2021 01:16

Suspected money laundering? It is another reason why banks freeze accounts.

BlueThistles · 20/02/2021 01:28

christ... what a situ OP... I do hope you find honest answers soon 🌺

Hollywhiskey · 20/02/2021 07:42

Gosh I read your OP hoping it would be an innocent explanation but his behaviour since then seems so odd. I hope he talks to you honestly in the morning and you can make a good plan from there. I hope it is much less bad than you're thinking x

Hont1986 · 20/02/2021 07:52

I think at the moment you are overreacting. You both seem to know almost nothing about what has happened and why. Just call the bank on Monday and find out what is going on and how to rectify it. THEN you can be mad and make him sleep on the sofa or whatever. Right now it just seems preemptive.

AlwaysCheddar · 20/02/2021 08:30

Why dont you look at the paperwork as there must be some letters about it. You can use google trsnslate.

Original poster
lilalu · 20/02/2021 12:22

Update: so no, it was not just suspicious activity on his bank account - he already said yesterday that it was the Finanzamt (finance ministry) that froze the accounts. I got the whole story from him today -- apparently, unpaid taxes from 2018 which he has just simply ignored?!?!? And with my name on the joint tax bill too :( Totally his fault but I think the lesson here for me is that I need to be more in control. No more just trusting him when it comes to finance. We're going to get it sorted on Monday hopefully.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 20/02/2021 12:27

@Inpersuitofhappiness

Sorry I haven't described that very well,

The situation ended up that my main account was frozen as well because of the one with a debt on. Banks sometimes freeze everything that's linked. My main account had quite a bit of money in at the time

@Inpersuitofhappiness

I don't understand how YOUR personal account could be frozen due to a debt owed by YOUR DH or HIS business, unless you were a guarantor?

LunaHeather · 20/02/2021 14:39

not I thought one of the innumerable problems of marriage was that stuff like this gets linked.

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