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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does your baby make a mess when eating?

86 replies

Motherofking · 19/02/2021 10:04

When I feed my baby food ends up on his face hair clothes sometimes the floor. I can never seem to feed him and keep him clean. My husband is critical saying he has never seen a mother make such a mess when feeding their baby but I don't intentionally make a mess . My baby ties to self feed , or puts his hands in his mouth with food in it or pushes the spoon out if my hands which drops and causes mess. He makes me seem like such a crappy mother because of it . Tells me in doing something wrong because with his previous child with his ex he doesn't ever remember their being mess when eating . So now I don't know if this is normal or am I doing something wrong . Im a first time mum with no baby experinces and I don't have mum friends unfortunately due to lockdown ive not been able to make any so I don't know if this is normal or am I doing something wrong
Do you mums end up with some mess on the floor after feeding your baby ?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2021 10:58

Does he add anything positive to your life of all he does is tell you how much better his ex was? Presumably she dumped him and she's so awesome. Maybe learn that from her.

Cornettoninja · 19/02/2021 11:02

Babies getting messy when they eat is fine, heck I’m in my forties and still acquire the odd dinner medal.

I’m more concerned about the comparison BS tbh. I would find myself a father role model (there’s got to be a father-guru out there - there’s enough mum ones!) and keep comparing your DH to him. See how he likes it.

Rainbowandscarlett · 19/02/2021 11:03

All mine seemed to think there as a huge hole in the top of their heads where food went
I remember turning round one day and my (then) naked,bar a nappy 18 month old was bright orange (spag Bol)
They are adults/teens now and none have issues with food-they’ll eat anything
I used to whip them out,bath them,pjs and them take the hosepipe to the high chair/swill the shower curtain I’d laid down
Job done

lydia2021 · 19/02/2021 11:04

How is a baby going to learn hand and eye coordination if it doesnt make a mess. Other posters suggesting plastic tablecloth for floor is good idea.. This does not last long, baby will get better at eating with practice. Does your H expect baby to be born with a skill set.

LeaveMyDamnJam · 19/02/2021 11:07

I’m guessing this isn’t the only issue you have with him OP.
It’s so sad, when you should be enjoying this time with your baby and laughing at the messy times, you are anxious.

BigWoollyJumpers · 19/02/2021 11:13

Consider how the baby eats, feeling the food, smooshing the food in the fingers, then rubbing their hair, then flinging arms around gleefully splatting what is on the tray in front of them, occasionally putting food in their mouth... The only way to feed a baby and not need a full clothes change and bath afterwards is to totally control all that

I have to say, as someone who is abhorrent to mess, I never, ever, let my babies feed themselves or rub food around. OK, I only had two, and maybe I was lucky, but they were spoon fed and were never allowed to mess with food. I still can't bear to watch messy babies with food all over them..... or small children stuffing slimy food in their mouths with their hands, literally makes me gag, I must be odd.

allmycats · 19/02/2021 11:14

You sound to me to be doing a great job. Baby feeding is a messy business, especially if baby is self feeding, exploring food textures etc. This is what they do. Please do not let your partner put you down. He appears to have no idea at all as to the behaviour of babies.

BigWoollyJumpers · 19/02/2021 11:14

@lydia2021

How is a baby going to learn hand and eye coordination if it doesnt make a mess. Other posters suggesting plastic tablecloth for floor is good idea.. This does not last long, baby will get better at eating with practice. Does your H expect baby to be born with a skill set.
With something, anything, other than food!
PogoTheClown · 19/02/2021 11:17

My nanny fed me spaghetti bolognese right before my christening, while I was wearing my christening dress.

That went down well...

Original poster
Motherofking · 19/02/2021 11:23

@BigWoollyJumpers

Consider how the baby eats, feeling the food, smooshing the food in the fingers, then rubbing their hair, then flinging arms around gleefully splatting what is on the tray in front of them, occasionally putting food in their mouth... The only way to feed a baby and not need a full clothes change and bath afterwards is to totally control all that

I have to say, as someone who is abhorrent to mess, I never, ever, let my babies feed themselves or rub food around. OK, I only had two, and maybe I was lucky, but they were spoon fed and were never allowed to mess with food. I still can't bear to watch messy babies with food all over them..... or small children stuffing slimy food in their mouths with their hands, literally makes me gag, I must be odd.

I understand. Before I became a mum the only way I knew how to feed a baby was spoon feeding . It wasn't until my baby refused being spoon fed I found out about blw . Ideally I wouldn't want there to be mess but I would rather that than him not eating . 9/10 times I can spoon feed him successfully if he has a finger food which he's already trying to eat.
OP posts:
FishyFriday · 19/02/2021 11:39

Unfortunately he does do this even when it comes to other things baby related like sleep ,night feedings , colic etc. He will make it seem like his first child was the perfect baby compared to ours. Then Me being naive and ftm ive found it difficult to defend myself and ive had to google or ask my mum what is normal and what isn't which i end up finding out I'm doing just fine

This is a big problem and he needs to stop it. It’s not ok to compare like this, and especially to make out that you and your baby are inferior. He needs to be careful because it will make you resent him, and his ‘perfect’ child.

You are doing a wonderful job looking after your lovely baby. It’s him that’s failing here.

Boringnamechanging · 19/02/2021 11:47

All children are different. We still eat breakfast in pj as my 4yo and 2yo still end up wearing some of their porridge.

Please jump on dh because soon you'll child will hear understand the comments comparing to other child

TryingNotToPanicOverCovid · 19/02/2021 12:17

Do you live with your dh?

I am concerned that this isn't just about blw or feeding but part of a bigger picture.

Does he look after the baby much? change nappies/ feed etc or is he seeing it as entirely your job?

Londontown12 · 19/02/2021 12:23

Actually your being a fab mum it’s good for baby’s to explore food and self feeding is brilliant, a mess will wash off ! X

ThreeTwoOneBlastOff · 19/02/2021 12:29

Your DH sounds like a knob. Does he get involved in any of the things he criticises you about? Is he a perfect parent from the side lines then?

As everyone else has said, babies get messy. They explore food, buy a wipe clean highchair like the IKEA antilop and a mat for the floor.

Graphista · 19/02/2021 13:01

Well your husbands a twat!

Of course there's mess! They haven't the motor skills for there not to be!

I've a fabulous photo of dd somewhere fallen asleep eating spag Bol where the spag basically looks like her hair and she has a "beard" of mince!

It's one of her dad and I's favourite memories of dd.

In spring/summer I used to strip her down for mealtimes! At least reduced the laundry! Grin

And a dust sheet under the high chair!

In response to his attitude I would definitely be making dinner times his Job! No way he'd manage any better! Dick!

I'm guessing at least part of the reason he split from his ex is because he did sod all parenting!

Mines 20 (yes years!) and STILL makes a mess eating certain dishes. Grin

Hell even I do! I was eating bagels earlier and got cream cheese on my cheek and nose! I'm 48! Frankly I can barely be trusted with things like spaghetti or wraps!

You need to address the constant comparison and criticism with him and basically tell him to fucking pack it in! If you're not bf I'd be tempted to head off to your mums for a day, leave before breakfast, and tell him you expect him to take full and proper care of baby AND keep the house clean and tidy and leave him to it! If he's a decent sort that won't neglect baby this could be a good way of getting it through his thick head that parenting isn't actually as easy as he seems to think!

Are you able to chat with his ex at all? I bet if you did you'd find out he's talking shite! My ex tried this a little with wife 2, where he came unstuck was she and I were friends prior to the affair so we actually felt quite comfortable chatting about the kids together and I was able to dismiss his claims that dd was an easy baby! (Far from it!) and that I was super mum!

He'd tried to use the fact I've a lot of baby and young child experience (ex nanny and childminder which wife 2 knew to be true) to make her feel inadequate while simultaneously being sod all use himself! He'd also manipulated her into thinking he "couldn't cope" with certain baby related tasks...

I soon put her straight that he was perfectly capable just didn't like doing them!

Don't let him manipulate you and tell him straight this is his baby too and he needs to step up!

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 19/02/2021 13:06

Oh god both of mine were messy little monkeys when getting fed. Everything you describe is exactly how I remember it- snatching the spoon, hands in mouth while chewing food and then casually running it through their hair (or mine!) and just general shenanigans and all completely normal!

Please don’t let your partner make you feel like a shit mum. He sounds like a pompous arsehole. Does he say or do other things to undermine your confidence in your parenting or other parts of your life?

Shetoshe · 19/02/2021 13:08

My three year old still makes an insane mess when she eats. Drives me potty but it's part and parcel of small DC.

CherryValanc · 19/02/2021 13:15

Why did the mother of his first child become an ex?

Was it because he did nothing for his child except criticises from the sideline? She decided life was happier and more enjoyable without him?

Mylittlepony374 · 19/02/2021 13:16

Your husband is behaving like a cunt. I think you should tell him you want him to stop with the constant comparisons to his other child/the other mother and focus on supporting you. If he can't do that, seriously consider your options as he will likely get worse.
Babies being messy is normal. Husbands bring fuckwits shouldn't be.

Mylittlepony374 · 19/02/2021 13:17

*being not bring

pigsDOfly · 19/02/2021 13:22

It's so easy to be an expert when you know nothing.

He's sounds horrible tbh, putting you down all the time over something (being a first time mother) that you lack confidence in.

Don't let him wear you down OP.

There's a reason his ex is his ex. Perhaps she decided she didn't need this nasty man chippy away at her self esteem for the rest of her life.

pigsDOfly · 19/02/2021 13:23

Meant to say, that it sounds like you're doing absolutely fine.

OldRailer · 19/02/2021 13:25

Of course they did.

Cleaning the floor after mealtimes was my bugbear. My babies and children were really quiet types too!

MatildaStoker · 19/02/2021 13:26

It’s very normal for babies to get messy when they’re eating. They haven’t had enough experience with feeding themselves to have learnt how to do it neatly.

DC1 was particularly messy as he refused to let anyone else spoon feed him. He would let us load a spoon for him, but certainly to begin with, he wasn’t great at getting it all in his mouth.

If you have the sort of baby who’s willing to sit still and open their mouth while an adult spoons food into them, then I suppose there’d be less mess. But even a baby as placid as that would have to learn how to handle feeding themselves sooner or later.