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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think she used me?!

38 replies

AlwaysMeEh · 18/02/2021 19:15

I work closely with two other people. One of them had an accident and has been off for a few weeks. I offered to give my colleague a lift because the lady who is off usually gives her a lift home.

So, I drove her home for three weeks, made sure she got into her house safely when the pathways were covered in ice, etc. We became quite chatty and friendly with each other. Today, our other colleague is back. And things have gone back to before, pretty much. The colleague I've been giving a lift has basically blanked me all day, and generally seems cold toward me.

I wasn't sure whether she still wanted a lift home as I didn't know if our colleague who has come back had her car with her. When it was time to leave, she just walked off with other colleague, not so much as a goodbye. I half expected at least a, "thanks for the lifts but I don't need them now." Nothing, not a word. She did, at the start, half heartedly ask how much I wanted for fuel but I said no, don't worry about it, it was barely out my way. Regret not saying yes now.

AiBU to think she used me? She was chatty and friendly, even said once lockdown was over etc, I should go to hers for a coffee. And now she's back to what she was doing before, buddying up to our other colleague and pretty much ignoring me.

It has actually quite upset me.

OP posts:
Snowymcsnowsony · 18/02/2021 19:17

Send her an invoice...

AlwaysMeEh · 18/02/2021 19:25

Hah

OP posts:
Athe · 18/02/2021 19:28

You’re not unreasonable to be upset, it’s quite poor behaviour on her part.
But please don’t go out your way for her again.

Snowymcsnowsony · 18/02/2021 19:29

She clearly saw it as a business transaction and you as hired help. I kid you not email her for your time. Find an invoice template online and send it to her work email.

TheChip · 18/02/2021 19:34

Maybe it was just the awkwardness of the other person being back today. Knowing that she doesn't need you anymore but doesn't know how to say anything without sounding offensive.
I know this way is no better, but maybe she has just buried her head.

If she is the same tomorrow then I'd say yes, she has probably used you and only been pally pally while you were doing that for her.

AnitaB888 · 18/02/2021 19:35

She's a user OP and one who has no manners either.

Just bide your time, be professional and polite and wait until she needs you again. Then, unfortunately, you can't oblige her - what a shame. Wink

LookItsMeAgain · 18/02/2021 19:37

Did she give you anything (bottle of wine or two or money for petrol or whatever) to pay for these lifts?
++ Sorry, just after spotting that she did offer but you declined the offer ++

My best suggestion under these circumstances is, if she ever approaches you again looking for you do to anything for her, I'd have to make sure that I was completely unavailable. Just decline any request, politely, so that it can't have any repercussions at work.

Chin up. There are givers and there are takers and she is clearly a taker!

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 18/02/2021 19:38

Cold. What's the other woman like - the one who hurt herself?

Sorry she sounds nasty.

She's also incredibly stupid. It can't have crossed her mind that you'll remember how incredibly rude she was to you and it might impact if you'll help her in the future.

I'd nobble the woman who gives her lifts so she's off work again and see what happens (Joke obviously!)

BashfulClam · 18/02/2021 19:38

Ignore her and if she needs a lift again then bloody tough shit! She’ll need to walk.

AlwaysCheddar · 18/02/2021 19:40

She’s a user, and never give her a lift again.

AlwaysMeEh · 18/02/2021 20:45

@isitsafetocomeoutyet

Cold. What's the other woman like - the one who hurt herself?

Sorry she sounds nasty.

She's also incredibly stupid. It can't have crossed her mind that you'll remember how incredibly rude she was to you and it might impact if you'll help her in the future.

I'd nobble the woman who gives her lifts so she's off work again and see what happens (Joke obviously!)

The other woman isn't great either. They're both have their own little clique that I'm apparently excluded from. They were colleagues before I joined. I naively thought it might change after the past few weeks.
OP posts:
TemptedToSleepInTheShed · 18/02/2021 21:16

Some people are so odd. And rude. So sorry you got used this way, you sound like a lovely colleague so don’t let this ungrateful madam change you x

AnnLouiseB · 18/02/2021 21:27

She sounds really rude! Sorry your kindness wasn’t appreciated Flowers

BlueThistles · 18/02/2021 21:41

pair of knobs.. you'll know better next time.. Flowers

Hhusky · 18/02/2021 21:47

She sounds like a user. If I was in her position I would absolutely have to give you something for fuel, and if you wouldn't accept it then it would be at least a good bottle of wine to say thank you.
She doesn't sound very nice at all if she doesn't even speak to you now.

CautiousBlonde · 18/02/2021 22:16

Fuck em OP Flowers

Cocomarine · 18/02/2021 22:22

I wouldn’t say she used you - remember that YOU offered, she didn’t ask. And she DID offer to pay - no matter if you thought that was half hearted (I guess you just mean that she accepted YOUR refusal). So that’s not using you. Not like she put you on the spot making you feel bad about her walking and then refused to talk money.

However, she clearly has treated you as a friend of convenience, and I’d be hurt about that.

There’s bound to be times that other colleague is off again, like holidays. Be ready to say you’re not going straight home - don’t offer, and don’t be a mug if asked!!

CSIblonde · 18/02/2021 22:32

That's really off. If someone declined petrol money when I've had lifts for a few weeks due to car issues , I've bought them expensive chocolates or a bottle of something nice . She's ungrateful.

FlyNow · 18/02/2021 22:43

What an arsehole!

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 18/02/2021 22:57

Yeah I kind of guessed they'd both be as bad as each other. Cliquey shit my arse. It's just playground behaviour in an adult setting.

Is there anyone else at work you can hang out with/have a tea with?

Frankly sod 'em. You're way better than the pair of them. But never ever do them a favour again.

Sorry. It must be really shit having to work with these numpties Thanks

AnitaB888 · 19/02/2021 06:06

If you take 'petrol money' from someone you give a lift to, it could be classed as 'using your car for hire or reward'. This puts you into a different insurance class, like taxis.
So the OP was correct to refuse 'petrol money' as it could cause ramifications if there was an accident and anyone was injured.

However that doesn't alter the poor way OP was treated.

Quirrelsotherface · 19/02/2021 07:46

They sound like they should still be at school, pair of idiots.

LApprentiSorcier · 19/02/2021 07:48

Rude. She should have let you know as soon as her other lift was arranged and thanked you at least.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 19/02/2021 07:52

Rise above it, dont do anything petty . You've learned a lesson , this woman is a user and not to be trusted . Be professional, get on with your work but never do her any favours at all , no matter what she needs , if it is outside of your work obligations - make sure you tell her no .

NoCherryNoDeal · 19/02/2021 07:58

YANBU. The good thing is it sounds like you have only been there a few weeks so now have the measure of her. No more favours OP!