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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think she used me?!

38 replies

AlwaysMeEh · 18/02/2021 19:15

I work closely with two other people. One of them had an accident and has been off for a few weeks. I offered to give my colleague a lift because the lady who is off usually gives her a lift home.

So, I drove her home for three weeks, made sure she got into her house safely when the pathways were covered in ice, etc. We became quite chatty and friendly with each other. Today, our other colleague is back. And things have gone back to before, pretty much. The colleague I've been giving a lift has basically blanked me all day, and generally seems cold toward me.

I wasn't sure whether she still wanted a lift home as I didn't know if our colleague who has come back had her car with her. When it was time to leave, she just walked off with other colleague, not so much as a goodbye. I half expected at least a, "thanks for the lifts but I don't need them now." Nothing, not a word. She did, at the start, half heartedly ask how much I wanted for fuel but I said no, don't worry about it, it was barely out my way. Regret not saying yes now.

AiBU to think she used me? She was chatty and friendly, even said once lockdown was over etc, I should go to hers for a coffee. And now she's back to what she was doing before, buddying up to our other colleague and pretty much ignoring me.

It has actually quite upset me.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 07:58

f you take 'petrol money' from someone you give a lift to, it could be classed as 'using your car for hire or reward'. This puts you into a different insurance class, like taxis.
So the OP was correct to refuse 'petrol money' as it could cause ramifications if there was an accident and anyone was injured.

Not at all - if you're just clearly splitting the actual costs or asking for a reasonable contribution, and not making a profit from it. Why are there all the government campaigns and encouragements urging people to car-share? They always say 'car-share' and never 'give/get a free lift'. You might as well say that accepting a bottle of wine from somebody whom you invite for dinner is tantamount to them acting as a pub and you as a restaurant.

ColdCottage · 19/02/2021 08:03

I agree with pp. Pop a little envelope on her desk with a note saying. Thanks for the offer of petrol money. I said no originally as I only expected it to be a few days as it was 3 weeks I'm very grateful for your offer and charge her 45p per mile/2 😁

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 08:06

I agree that she's done you a favour (and shot herself in the foot for next time the other person is off dick or on holiday) by showing you her true colours.

You acted in good faith; she was the one who used you. I wouldn't say anything now, but just a flat "Sorry, that won't work for me" if/when she next asks you. If she presses for a reason, firmly say that you thought it was friends helping each other out, but she has since made it abundantly clear that she only ever wanted to make use of a resource to suit her only, on her own terms, and thus that's what taxis are for.

ColdCottage · 19/02/2021 08:45

*know

AlwaysMeEh · 19/02/2021 09:03

@isitsafetocomeoutyet

Yeah I kind of guessed they'd both be as bad as each other. Cliquey shit my arse. It's just playground behaviour in an adult setting.

Is there anyone else at work you can hang out with/have a tea with?

Frankly sod 'em. You're way better than the pair of them. But never ever do them a favour again.

Sorry. It must be really shit having to work with these numpties Thanks

Thank you. No, sadly it's just the three of us so there isn't anyone else. Definitely feels like being back at school. The woman in question is in her 50s so I was really shocked at the playground type behaviour.
OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 09:14

I agree that she's done you a favour (and shot herself in the foot for next time the other person is off dick or on holiday) by showing you her true colours.

Just spotted the typo that I made there....

SwanShaped · 19/02/2021 09:16

People are so horrible sometimes. There’s just no need to be like that. Also, like someone else said, it’s pretty stupid for her not to realise the impact of her behaviour on future favours. Now you know she’s a knob, you won’t offer again. Crap for you to be at work with people like that.

Berthatydfil · 19/02/2021 09:22

She’s very rude. A thank you costs nothing and I really think small gift such as a bunch of flowers or chocolates would have a nice thought.
Well you now know never to offer her a lift ever again and for it not to work for you if she ever asks you in future.

Beautiful3 · 19/02/2021 09:25

Yes of course she used you. That's horrible that she didn't even explain and thank you for the lifts. Well her buddy may be off sick one day, please please do not offer a lift again. If she asks you, just say no, sorry. Some people have no manners.

MsTSwift · 19/02/2021 09:57

Raised by wolves. No manners. Embarrassed for her.

DancingInTheGarden · 19/02/2021 11:04

Is she any better today?

Could you say "You didn't mention whether or not you needed a lift yesterday" and see what she says?

FuckyouCovid21 · 19/02/2021 11:12

@DancingInTheGarden

Is she any better today?

Could you say "You didn't mention whether or not you needed a lift yesterday" and see what she says?

Well she obviously didn't need a lift yesterday as she went home with the other woman so a bit pointless to say this. I'd just keep your head down and ignore and next time either of them ask you for a favour, remember this situation and respond accordingly
DancingInTheGarden · 22/02/2021 09:54

@FuckyouCovid21 It was as an opener - making her address the fact she'd been rude without starting a fight.
But yes - we know she's a user now. How disappointing.

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