AIBU to ignore her birthday? WWYD?

[BubbleBathBitch]

To try and be succinct, my niece is about to turn 17, and she has just blocked me from Instagram, Facebook, all of them. (Very playground, I know!) I think it stems from her mum (my SIL) who has never liked me and has recently caused a big argument in the family leading to a few fallouts. I have had to distance myself from her for my own MH but always try to keep a channel open to my niece and three nephews. But now my niece has blocked me and it's her birthday in early March, it is absolutely not in my nature to not send her a gift, but for how much longer do I try and keep the peace before I realise I'm just a mug!? I think she's old enough to know her own mind, but I do think the blocking will have come from SIL (she has turned friends against me in the past so I'm used to her methods!) DH says absolutely NOT to sending a gift, but I'm leaning towards sending something so it's not me that has become the "bad guy"!? I'm overthinking it massively but would appreciate some guidance!

So basically, niece blocked me on social media, about to turn 17, do I rise above it and send her a gift anyway? I've changed my mind every day for about a week!

Don't know if it makes any difference but I have two nieces belonging to my other brother and have a lovely relationship with them 😢

YABU - send a gift!
YANBU - absolutely do NOT send a gift!

She's old enough to now that actions have consequences. I think it would be a terrible message to send her, that you can treat someone badly but life goes on as normal for you.

She's 17, she probably wants some privacy. Send a gift. Social media blackout a non issue.

You're the adult but yeah if she's not interested in maintaining a relationship it's hard. I'd personally send a box of chocolates to show you still care in case she wants to make amends.

Surely not engaging with her is respecting her wishes?

No, if she wants to act like a child then don’t reward her behaviour. Would you by a gift for anyone else who ignored you?

If it’s just you she has blocked then YANBU. If she has blocked all family members because she is young and doesn’t want to share everything with extended family then YABU.

Are you me?? Same issue, niece turns 17 in July and all contact has been stopped due to my bitch sil and the poisonous lies she’s feeding her against our family. This has been ongoing for more than a year now. I sent Christmas and birthday presents last year to no acknowledgement.
Life’s too short. Treat yourself instead I say!
🤛🏻 In solidarity!

No I wouldn't send a gift. It sounds like a rather strained relationship all round.

Post her a card and a small gift inside it, nothing too valuable. Seventeen isn't a landmark birthday after all. That leaves her options open.

I feel blocking is probably her not wanting you to see what she's up to/posting. I always had family blocked as a teen because i was posting nonsense/song lyrics and posey pics and didn't want them making comments. If you really think it's malicious, I would still just send a card and no gift.

She's nearly 17. She probably doesn't want an adult family member seeing what she's posting. I doubt this is anything personal. Refusing to send her a gift, however, would be.

Who is more important to you - DH or DN? If it's DH, don't overide his wishes if it's his family

@RedskyBynight

She's nearly 17. She probably doesn't want an adult family member seeing what she's posting. I doubt this is anything personal. Refusing to send her a gift, however, would be.

I’d think this. Perhaps send a card and gift this time, you should receive a thank you text I’d hope!

I'd send a card with £5 bunged in. Enough to say you sent something but you're only doing so out of familial obligation.

Send a card.
Then you have not snubbed her and you haven't sent a gift to someone who has snubbed you.

Means you can make your point without burning the bridge.

Actually, is it actually your husband's niece? In which case it's his family to sort anyway!

I would send a card but no gift

Much more likely that a 17 year old don't want her adult relatives following her on social media and having such an insight into her personal life.

Thanks everyone, these are all brilliant replies - to answer a few questions: it is my brother's daughter, I definitely think it's malicious because of timing (happened on the same day as a big row with SIL and mine and my brother's parents)

I think I like the idea of sending a card and/or something small. Not sending anything didn't sit right with me, but carrying on "as normal" also isn't right. Thank you everyone, families are tricky aren't they!?

Yes, just send a card. She's old enough to not need a gift from you anyway.

Send just a card. You are not then a bad person for ignoring her birthday. You have acknowledged it.

Yes, definitely a small but thoughtful gift is the way to go. Otherwise you will look petty.

Some families are definitely tricky but that doesn't mean it's an excuse to be a mug!

You do your MH no favours by allowing yourself to be treated badly by anyone, family or otherwise.

send a card

Agree with previous posters.. Just a card...