to ask about your misophonia struggles?

[awesomeauntie]

After seeing the feature on This Morning today about misophonia I just wanted to start a thread to hear other people's experiences and what they struggle with as it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone

The sound of feet tapping or nail biting sets me off, but my absolute biggest trigger is neighbour noise and specifically music. My ears tune into bass and low sounds and I can't hear anything else.

If my neighbour plays music with bass I honestly sometimes feel like I could smash up the house. I can't stop myself from going and standing in the room next to it to listen to it, it's like self torture and only makes me more age filled but I can't stop myself! Last summer someone at the other side of our estate was playing loud music with thumping bass for days on end. You could only hear it if you tuned into it but my ears automatically tuned into it and I couldn't stop, I was on edge every day waiting for it. I honestly nearly had a break down, the stress I felt in my head from it brought me to tears. It was awful and my partner just didn't understand, but I do understand why as even writing this out here I can see how odd it all sounds to people who don't have it.

After the feature today I've made a GP appointment to see if I can get referred for some kind of therapy - I need to try something as it's starting to control my life.

I've moved house because of music noise too. Not even loud, just somebody who was really into RnB and the repetitive low level base drove me fucking nuts.

Also, speaking voices on TV. Especially quiet whispery ones or 'trust me I'm northern' type accents. Like the advert for the smart metre. I like northerners, but there's a woman at the moment who seems to be narrating a lot of adverts and her patronising enunciation drives me insane.

And contemporary singing styles. All nasal or alternatively, like they are trying to sing and hold a ball in their mouth at the same time.

So many things give me the rage.

@thepeopleversuswork

Any and all neighbour noise. It can be anything. Window cleaners, workmen, kids in garden, dogs barking etc. All perfectly normal noise but because of a couple of periods of very problematic noise in the past it makes me feel like hurling myself off a bridge. I can and do have total meltdowns over it. I have to leave and walk the dog or go for a drive. This past summer with everyone at home all the time was hellish.

Will probably be shot down for this: I realise misophonia is a thing because I suffer from it to a degree. But I've been on the receiving end of a constant barrage of harassment from a neighbour who clearly struggles with misophonia and complains about everything. The sound of me closing (not slamming) my front door. The sound of my hairdryer at 6.30pm. My daughter laughing. The sound of me moving my wheelie bin outside her house. You name it.

I never make antisocial noise, I'm incredibly considerate about my TV, never play loud music etc. I'm in bed by 11pm. I'm absolutely sick of it: it feels like I have to clear everything with her for approval.

I do understand that this can be a real struggle for people but I do also think that there comes a point with this where you have to accept that the onus is on you to deal with it and not to expect other people to constantly adapt very normal behaviour in order not to trigger some neurosis.

Its become so accepted that people feel they can leave the room over the sound someone makes eating a yoghurt or moving a chair or whatever. I get it it can be excruciating but I do think the balance has tipped so far in the direction of accommodating this sort of neurosis that it may be time to reset things a bit. If you find this sort of thing so problematic that it interferes with your day to day life, get it sorted. Don't expect other people to live like Trappist monks because of it.

I may be being unfair and I'm sure there are some people who suffer in silence but I have noticed people now feel some degree of entitlement about imposing this behaviour on others and I think its a bit much.

Yes but that’s not misophonia-inducing noise. It’s just noise. There’s a difference. Misophonia is not just about all or general noises.

@ThereOnceWasANote

There's a difference between being annoyed by a noise and having misophonia. The latter rules your life. It's hard to explain. Every time I go into my back garden, I get a knot in my stomach worrying about what I might hear out there. It's not logical. Kids playing? No problem. Lawn mowers and jet washers? That's fine. Music, even quietly, sends me into a rage. I know I am being unreasonable, but I just can't filter it out. I've moved house because of it. The stress it causes me is completely out of proportion with the reality.

Absolutely agree with this. Just like I wrote in my previous post one of the things I listed was just an annoying noise but the rest of them give me an irrational rage and I end up anxious and on edge waiting for it.

There's loads of different noises that annoy me but there's a difference between them and the ones that trigger my misophonia. Screaming children, barking dogs, loud music annoy me but sniffing, loud eating, spoons smacking off of bowls etc I can't explain the feeling I get but it's a mixture of anger, frustration and anxiety.

Mainly eating - it makes me so unbearably stabby I can’t physically cope sometimes, I often have to leave a room if someone is eating something noisy in silence as the physical sensation of being uncomfortable/anger is so strong it is impossible not to move.

More common in people with ADHD interestingly, which is me, also almost incomprehensible to people without misophonia which is really frustrating as it makes you look like you are just being difficult when in fact the reaction is not conscious or controllable.

As for adverts where some tool has decided that the sound of someone loudly eating a crisp will appeal to the masses - words fail me!

I eat at the breakfast bar, with the radio on near me; the rest of the family eat at the table. I can still talk to them, and meals are much less stressful for all of us. They know it’s my issue, not them.

I hate it though. When I’m working from home, I have to wear headphones to concentrate.

I’m going to order the earbuds up thread.

@ThereOnceWasANote

There's a difference between being annoyed by a noise and having misophonia. The latter rules your life. It's hard to explain. Every time I go into my back garden, I get a knot in my stomach worrying about what I might hear out there. It's not logical. Kids playing? No problem. Lawn mowers and jet washers? That's fine. Music, even quietly, sends me into a rage. I know I am being unreasonable, but I just can't filter it out. I've moved house because of it. The stress it causes me is completely out of proportion with the reality.

100% relate - although the sound of kids playing does set me off slightly but I am able to talk myself down from it.

Music is the one for me - ndn's teenage son obviously got a new sound system for xmas because since then he has been playing very loud music while he is off school. He usually plays it for an hour at most and I know that he won't play it for the entire day, I know it usually happens at around lunchtime - but I spend the whole day getting anxious waiting for it to happen, constantly on edge and listening, and then once it's over spend the rest of the day waiting to see if he does it again. I try and talk myself down and be rational - he's not playing it until 1am, it's not from 9am til 9pm etc. But it consumes me and I feel like my head will explode.

One of the reasons I posted this thread was that I feel like this week it has started to get the better of me again and I can feel myself slipping. I am dreading summer and every sunny day we are getting at the moment makes me dread what is to come. I spent so much time last summer going out to stand in the garden because I could hear music coming from somewhere - another thing I hate is not knowing the source of where music is coming from. If I could hear the thump thump of bass somewhere I ended up leaving the house and walking round the estate until I could pinpoint roughly where it was coming from - it was like it gave me some control back over the situation? I'm not sure but I would end up begging DH to please just come and walk with me until we can find out where it's coming from!

I also feel like I am now starting to hear sounds that are not there - I'll find myself hearing music and will go charging out into the next room to put my ear to the wall and there is nothing there, just my mind playing tricks.

I think that people who don't suffer from this can't begin to understand how crippling it can be. Like so many if you, certain sounds make me feel like exploding with rage and disgust. Mostly rage. I know it's irrational, but it's real. Any clicking/tapping/plate scraping/teeth clicking on cutlery/the horrible, unbearable sound of a knife that's being pushed so hard into food that it seems to be cutting into the plate. And for me, the stress of too many noises at the same time - TV, conversations, radio in the background, dishwasher etc... just writing that down makes feel angry.

Another one I've not seen on here is when people are talking with a dry mouth and you can hear their tongue in their mouths. I have to switch off the radio. It makes me feel sick.

I can't bear that. The woman who presented the RTÉ current affairs drivetime show constantly made mouth noises. Could never listen to RTÉ radio driving home from work. Have to change stations or turn it off if someone on any radio show does it. My DM does it too when we're in the car and I have have to tell her to have a drink of water.

Also hate animals cleaning themselves.

Have to leave the room for eating noises if they're bad. DH isn't bad but certain things he eats I have to leave for. If he crunches on hard sweets I have to go. It upsets him and he promises not to do it but he still does sometimes. That's a relatively new one.

People chewing chewing gum.

Taps doing a steady drip.

Any repetitive throat clearing.

Bass from music being played somewhere.

Snoring.

Nasal voices or singing.

The worst one at the moment is definitely DH and sweets. I feel like I need to scratch my ears to get the sound out.

Omg everything sets me off:
Loud eaters
Scraping the plate
Hearing people talk in another room
Crisp packets rattling
Chocolate wrappers rattling
Smacking lips
People making a noise when eating
Sniffing
Sweet wrappers making a noise
I hear one of these noises and I'm edge, I could literally kill people over it
When we were allowed to go to cinemas, my OH would always say "you kick over noise and I'm leaving" I would always manage to be sat bear the one who takes 10 minutes to open a sweet wrapper, or takes forever to get a crisp out. Don't get me started on the bag rattling with people taking their goodies out.
Absolute pure torture!

sat near and kick off over noise
I got very good at giving sneeky evil looks if someone dared make a noise near me lol

OP - we are misophonia twins. I also go looking for the source of music. I also think I can hear things that aren't there. I've left social events because I can't stand the music. I think the difference between misophonia and annoyance is that I am stressed thinking about what might happen. I check out all my holiday accommodation on Google maps to check there are no bars closer by. Staying in a hotel has me completely on edge. My life saver is my nose cancelling headphones. Without them I think I would be living on an island by myself.

.

Has anybody ever had treatment? What did you do - and did it work?

Can anybody recommend some decent noise cancelling headphones?

Kissing, lip smacking and mouth noises are mine. My best friend makes a lot and I feel a shit person for struggling to listen! Annoying today that I wanted info from a YouTube video but the man kept making god awful lip noises every sentence!

Also - it's definitely getting worse with age. I wasn't too bad until my 40s. It's become much more of an issue in the last 10 -15 years.

Bose quiet comfort head phones.

I live with a misophonic 14 year old and life is quite tough for everyone. Stop humming, stop breathing, stop chewing, stop tapping, stop jiggling your leg. It started as she went into puberty with no sensory issues prior to that. She is currently having weekly on line CBT from a psychologist at the Royal ENT hospital in London and finding it helpful.

Everything around people with colds and coughs - loud sniffing, that sort of sneezing where people shout at the same time, lots of coughing, endless throat clearing. And snorting when their nose is blocked makes me feel really ill. DH recently had a prolonged cough, not covid related, and by week four our relationship was distinctly strained. I so wanted to say "For fuck's sake, if you're not going to say anything you don't actually need to clear your throat, maybe if you didn't clear it so often you wouldn't keep aggravating your throat and your vocal chords and you might get better more quickly." I regularly ended up going into another room and muttering "Oh, shut up, for god's sake SHUT UP." Thank goodness he's over it and peace is restored.

Also that thing with people talking with a dry mouth.

I've just realised I've never tried noise cancelling headphones. Off to get some and praying that they'll work.

Uh another bandwagon to jump on. No one likes noisy eaters or slurpers this is normal. There's a fucking label for everything.

Thanks @ThereOnceWasANote

No @crankycow80 it’s not.
The best way I can describe it is;
You know when someone jumps out from behind a door and scares you? Your heart pounds, your skin prickles and you feel hot? That’s what I get, along with the white anger.
I have mechanisms to cope. But as a teacher of teens, I find if I explain and ask them to refrain from cracking knuckles, chewing gum etc, they are really receptive. My children understand if I have to remove myself if there is crunching going on. My husband is the worst and doesn’t empathise at all.
We eat with music on. But I also struggle with music I don’t like. Luckily I do like most.
I can’t stand the sound of myself eating either. Has anyone got experience of the headphones working? I’m happy to buy but they are so expensive, I don’t want to have to try out loads.

@crankycow80 aw, bless you - I take it you also think people with mental health issues should ‘get a grip’, fat people should ‘just eat less’ and that men who shout ‘cheer up love, it might never happen’ from the top of scaffolding are being perfectly reasonable?

It shows a staggering lack of empathy to post with such confidence on a subject you clearly have no understanding of. If you had even an inkling of the pure physical agony and discomfort experienced by someone who suffers from misophonia you wouldn’t consider being so disrespectful to people who suffer from it. Have a word with yourself love.

People eating/slurping down the phone especially if they're doing those mmm mm noises
I work taking calls and it's like a red mist of rage when people do it

Another one I've not seen on here is when people are talking with a dry mouth and you can hear their tongue in their mouths. I have to switch off the radio. It makes me feel sick.

This is what I meant when I wrote mouth noises I just couldn't think how to describe it. It always seems worse on TV or radio as soon as the person opens their mouth and it makes that weird wet clicky noise. Also on TV and radio when a person talking does does a strange tutting noise before each sentence and as a pause between words. I hope someone else knows what I mean . I sound like such a horrible person I'm really not I hate that I feel this way.