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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask about your misophonia struggles?

187 replies

awesomeauntie · 18/02/2021 17:56

After seeing the feature on This Morning today about misophonia I just wanted to start a thread to hear other people's experiences and what they struggle with as it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone

The sound of feet tapping or nail biting sets me off, but my absolute biggest trigger is neighbour noise and specifically music. My ears tune into bass and low sounds and I can't hear anything else.

If my neighbour plays music with bass I honestly sometimes feel like I could smash up the house. I can't stop myself from going and standing in the room next to it to listen to it, it's like self torture and only makes me more age filled but I can't stop myself! Last summer someone at the other side of our estate was playing loud music with thumping bass for days on end. You could only hear it if you tuned into it but my ears automatically tuned into it and I couldn't stop, I was on edge every day waiting for it. I honestly nearly had a break down, the stress I felt in my head from it brought me to tears. It was awful and my partner just didn't understand, but I do understand why as even writing this out here I can see how odd it all sounds to people who don't have it.

After the feature today I've made a GP appointment to see if I can get referred for some kind of therapy - I need to try something as it's starting to control my life.

OP posts:
NewScone · 18/02/2021 19:59

People slurping noodles
Doors banging shut and opening and shutting in the wind

HelloDulling · 18/02/2021 20:00

@thepeopleversuswork

Any and all neighbour noise. It can be anything. Window cleaners, workmen, kids in garden, dogs barking etc. All perfectly normal noise but because of a couple of periods of very problematic noise in the past it makes me feel like hurling myself off a bridge. I can and do have total meltdowns over it. I have to leave and walk the dog or go for a drive. This past summer with everyone at home all the time was hellish.

Will probably be shot down for this: I realise misophonia is a thing because I suffer from it to a degree. But I've been on the receiving end of a constant barrage of harassment from a neighbour who clearly struggles with misophonia and complains about everything. The sound of me closing (not slamming) my front door. The sound of my hairdryer at 6.30pm. My daughter laughing. The sound of me moving my wheelie bin outside her house. You name it.

I never make antisocial noise, I'm incredibly considerate about my TV, never play loud music etc. I'm in bed by 11pm. I'm absolutely sick of it: it feels like I have to clear everything with her for approval.

I do understand that this can be a real struggle for people but I do also think that there comes a point with this where you have to accept that the onus is on you to deal with it and not to expect other people to constantly adapt very normal behaviour in order not to trigger some neurosis.

Its become so accepted that people feel they can leave the room over the sound someone makes eating a yoghurt or moving a chair or whatever. I get it it can be excruciating but I do think the balance has tipped so far in the direction of accommodating this sort of neurosis that it may be time to reset things a bit. If you find this sort of thing so problematic that it interferes with your day to day life, get it sorted. Don't expect other people to live like Trappist monks because of it.

I may be being unfair and I'm sure there are some people who suffer in silence but I have noticed people now feel some degree of entitlement about imposing this behaviour on others and I think its a bit much.

Someone leaving the room to get away from their trigger is them dealing with it. They are absenting themselves from the noise, with zero inconvenience to the other person. When do think that should be unacceptable?
Doihavetogotoworkdotcom1 · 18/02/2021 20:00

Also people sitting behind me in a theatre, rustling packets gives me the rage. I want to turn around and puuch them in the face!

frumpety · 18/02/2021 20:01

@Rainbowandscarlett you need to secretly record the screaming and then play it back to them at full volume ( whilst wearing noise cancelling earplugs) every single time it is even remotely quiet, with your step daughters, every single time they go to sleep, want to talk, play music or are watching anything, because it's funny isn't it ?
Play it in the garden in the Summer, especially the weeks next door's children aren't there, because it's fine isn't it, just normal noise, I am sure they won't mind.

NewScone · 18/02/2021 20:01

@Wimpeyspread

Whispering. Doesn’t matter if it’s not to me, just hearing it makes me want to scream, I have to block my ears
Yes! I forgot whispering!
LegoPirateMonkey · 18/02/2021 20:02

Bass music and mouth noises. Our neighbours have got some kind of speaker or sound bar and now we can hear the bass from the tv. The rage I feel is so disproportionate. I have to walk away if I see them outdoors. It’s awful and I hate myself for being so angry. I think I will end up moving house and my only criteria will be that the new house is detached.

What kind of help can you get? I can’t help but feel my GP would dismiss me entirely if I went to them about it.

HelloDulling · 18/02/2021 20:02

I have two. Whistling, which DH does ALL the time, and leg jiggling. Which he does every evening. I have talked to him about it, but both are fairly unconscious, so it’s not made much difference. I alternate between being consumed with fury, and choking back tears. It’s got a lot worse in the last year; I hope things will get better once the world shifts again.

NewScone · 18/02/2021 20:02

Choirs of small childr

LunaHeather · 18/02/2021 20:02

I live alone but I imagine the food thing would drive me nuts

I was in a restaurant once and a couple had a baby and a white noise machine playing loudly. The waiter was about to seat them next to us and I said bluntly "it would be easier to seat them elsewhere" and glared at the machine.

In my block of flats, children play in the hallway right outside and I often ask them to stop. The football thud thud thud against the wall drives me nuts.

NewScone · 18/02/2021 20:03

Oops sorry!
Choirs of small children but for some reason not the really young children.

mangothoughts · 18/02/2021 20:03

Any eating noises I find completely unbearable but particularly wet crunching like apples or slurping sounds. Just the thought makes my skin crawl. I have to have another noise to block it out or I put my fingers in my ears.

I always thought it was my weird thing I didn't realise it was an actual thing!

LunaHeather · 18/02/2021 20:04

@LegoPirateMonkey

Bass music and mouth noises. Our neighbours have got some kind of speaker or sound bar and now we can hear the bass from the tv. The rage I feel is so disproportionate. I have to walk away if I see them outdoors. It’s awful and I hate myself for being so angry. I think I will end up moving house and my only criteria will be that the new house is detached.

What kind of help can you get? I can’t help but feel my GP would dismiss me entirely if I went to them about it.

I really don't know if a GP can help. I get rage about it too.
partyofsixteen · 18/02/2021 20:08

Hi pitched singing Mariah Carey, Leona Lewis type wailing stylee. It actually hurts my ears.

Original poster
awesomeauntie · 18/02/2021 20:14

Absolutely did not expect so many responses here - I don't want to take any joy from everyone's misery but it is so nice to not feel alone so THANK YOU! Some of them are cracking me up too Grin

My DH just doesn't understand, he's someone who loud noise just doesn't bother in the slightest which makes it worse for me! I am constantly saying 'can you hear that? can you hear that noise', the answer is always no!

I once worked in an office where I was sat next to someone who was the loudest eater I have ever heard - I cannot even describe it, it was awful. I use to have fantasies about launching him out the window with his salad in hand Grin but in reality I would just have to leave the office or put my headphones on the minute I saw him get out his stupid tupperware!

OP posts:
ChristmasSexyTime · 18/02/2021 20:15

Someone leaving the room to get away from their trigger is them dealing with it. They are absenting themselves from the noise, with zero inconvenience to the other person. When do think that should be unacceptable?

Exactly. I inconvenience myself by leaving rooms I actually want to be in. It's that or burst into tears/lose my temper. So it's better all round that I leave the room.

Does anybody know whether it's linked to autism or anything? I know a couple of years ago, the research in this area was really patchy but I imagine things have come on a lot since then?

ShowOfHands · 18/02/2021 20:17

I loathe so many of these sounds that I have a visceral reaction to descriptions of eating. Slurping, munching, nibbling, tearing into etc.

My Mum says "can I have a slurp of your drink" and I want to commit matricide. She does slurp drinks too, so just the word conjures the sound and I want to scream and cry.

ShowOfHands · 18/02/2021 20:18

I'm also less able to tolerate it at various points in my cycle. When I have PMT, I have no tolerance for any eating or breathing noises.

RavingAnnie · 18/02/2021 20:21

Mine is eating too. Breathing sometimes but mainly eating. The worst is if someone leans over your shoulder chewing. Aaaargh! I have to say to them "you literally need to move away now or I can't be held responsible for my actions". It gives me the worst angry rage!!!!!

IthinkIm · 18/02/2021 20:22

People eating. Particularly things like apples and crisps but anything that makes them smack their fucking lips together.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

And slurping. Any slurping or talking with food in their mouths. MIL does this thing where she's got a massive mouthful of food, pushes it into one side of her mouth then talks. As if it doesn't count like that.

I actually tut when she does it now and turn away. I just can't.

Original poster
awesomeauntie · 18/02/2021 20:22

@Tamingofthehamster

My dh eating too. I need background music at mealtimes. If not available I try to imagine it’s an animal eating instead - if I picture a little goat or horse chewing it’s not so bad.
They did something like this on This Morning today! They showed a video of a panda very loudly eating and demonstrated how that doesn't set us off, but if it was a man on a train etc. it would be a different story.

I know a large part of my reaction comes from a subconscious feeling of people being selfish. If ndn is playing loud bass music the noise sets me off into a meltdown, but there is a constant thought in my head about how selfish they are being which makes everything feel so so much worse. It's like I can't switch off from it because I know the person is being out of order and it's like I can't rest until I've fixed/stopped it?

OP posts:
BobbinThreadbare123 · 18/02/2021 20:24

@ChristmasSexyTime I have ASD; I posted upthread. I have misophonia but I also like ASMR.

LegoPirateMonkey · 18/02/2021 20:25

OP, I feel exactly the same. It’s as though you are writing the thoughts directly from my head. The selfishness just feels unbelievable. I really wish I didn’t feel like this. I had never heard of the animal trick so might try that for eating - it won’t work on music/tv bass through the walls though unless I imagine a panda with a stereo living next door! Which actually is a very cute image - maybe it will work!

TipseyTorvey · 18/02/2021 20:27

Whoever said Sara Cox up thread YES!! She does something weird in the back of her throat and I end up lunging at the radio to shut her up!! She makes so many noises that aren't words. Please stop. I'm fine with radio 4 mostly because people just speak normally but maybe that's my age 😂

LunaHeather · 18/02/2021 20:32

@IthinkIm

People eating. Particularly things like apples and crisps but anything that makes them smack their fucking lips together.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

And slurping. Any slurping or talking with food in their mouths. MIL does this thing where she's got a massive mouthful of food, pushes it into one side of her mouth then talks. As if it doesn't count like that.

I actually tut when she does it now and turn away. I just can't.

I might be a terrible person but I ask my elderly mother to stop doing that.
user1467048527 · 18/02/2021 20:32

I also need therapy for this, op, as noises - and avoiding or masking them - dominate my life. My family is suggesting I try to move to a detached house because they know how upset I get about noise from next door, but I honestly am not sure that’s the answer as I have a very extensive list of irritants...

Chomping on chewing gum - the VERY worst!

Any other eating noises.

The sort of forced breathing when someone makes a noise when they breathe out (my dad does this so feel awful saying that!)

Substations and similar humming noises I can’t control. Used to live near a laundrette and the sound of the machines going when I was enjoying a lie-in on a Saturday morning was horrible. My DP never noticed.

A horrible cheap boiler in a flat I once lived in. it made this horrendous high pitched whistle whenever it was in action. Actually woke me up when it came on in the morning. LL’s handyman explained to me as though I was a very young child that all boilers made that noise. I can confirm that thankfully they do not!

And the one that actually impacts me day-to-day most - yep, neighbour noise. Totally get the masochistic impulse to listen to it as I often find myself straining to check whether there’s true silence when it’s quiet (or can I just about hear a faint TV or footstep? if so, despair!) or going to the worst affected part of the house when it isn’t. Madness!