Overly nice to lying DP

[Menjustmen]

I’ve had suspicions for a few weeks that DP has been texting his ex. He has form for this including sexual messages in the past. Id only last asked him yesterday to which he said no he wasn’t and I said I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him.
I saw on his phone that he’d last text her yesterday and confronted him this morning by saying I’d see it when he was sat next to me. He said I am seeing things, the usual shite men say.

Usually I’d go mad and end up seeming unreasonable but Im taking a new approach. I’ve Been so sickly sweet and he’s very confused (presumably because he knows he’s lying). AIBU to continue this approach so he feels bad that he’s lied when I trusted him and made me a mug?

Errrrr why are you being nice to him? Kick him out. Particularly given you said “usually” which indicates he’s done this many times in the past!

Why are you bothering to go mad or go sickly sweet. He's not that into you so do yourself a favour and ditch him!

Why play these stupid games? Why are you allowing him to play you for a fool? You know this man is a lying bastard, and yet here you are, being lied to yet again. How long are you going to put up with this shit? And by the way, he will never feel bad about chasing other women, so stop deluding yourself.

Oh I hate that game playing crap, it’s so immature. Just kick the toe rag out on his arse. He can go back to his ex too. She can keep the booby prize.

What’s the end game here OP? Surely you won’t put up with this shit? Send him packing back to her

What result are you hoping for?

Is what you are currently doing likely to help you get that result?

Is this serious?

My initial reaction is that it can't be, but I do know of women whose husbands had affairs and treated them like shit, and they've gone on washing their pants and cooking their dinner, telling us that actually they're being extra sweet because then it will hurt the bastard all the more when they finally kick him out, as they've totally planned to do for the last x years.

What is it? Are you scared of your anger? Are you under the impression that you get human morality points for it? Are you just too scared to have an exchange with him about it? Do you actually believe this is causing him mental torment?

Seems a bit weird. I'd just be civil until I'd got everything sorted to leave.

Yeh be nice to him, that will solve all your problems

Or ask him to leave. Either way I'd not be being nice!

Icy cold is how you should be with him. Are you staying with him?

Life is way too short. Why are you messing round with your different tactics when you could maintain some respect and end it with him?

Why are your standards so low that he has done this before and you are still with him? You can go apeshit or stay calm, whatever you wish. Yabu to stay with him and then complain when he has done this more than once. I'm really hoping this is untrue because surely noone is that much of a mug.

Are you being "sickly sweet" to him in the hopes he realises what he's got and won't leave you?

I really can't think of another reason you would be, I'd be doing what all the other pps have said and kicking him out, he's not going to change, especially as you've let him get away with it before, cheating fecker!

You're wasting your energy on an emotional waster. Your choice though. If that's what you're worth!

What is the point of being nice to the lying cheating bastard?

Do yourself a favour and dump him.

He doesn't love or respect you
Get rid of him

He's not going to feel guilty, he's not going change what he's doing, he's not going to feel bad. He's going to be pleased with it that he's continuing to get away with it... Literally having his cake and eating it. He things you're a complete mug... Don't let him continue to mug you off.

If you're trying to 'trick' him into thinking how he could ever betray such a wonderful women, you're taking the wrong tack.

You have seen with your own eyes that he has text someone he has sent sexually explicit messages too.

You will be coming across as a mug.

Stop playing games. You're worth more than this shithead.

He won’t change. Get rid.

You're still not the winner here, OP.

I don’t get these threads.

You’re with someone you KNOW to be faithless yet expect something else.

Either leave him or put up with it but the games are pointless.

Get some self respect.

You absolute mug.

Surely you can do better than this.

Your expectations of men are way off. Cheating then gaslighting you can't just be put down to "the shite men say". Those are the actions of an arsehole who should be shown the door (by all means kick him out with smile on your face, it's almost garunteed to annoy him and that might feel pretty satisfying).

Good luck OP, you deserve better .

Also wondering why you'd bother playing games with someone in this situation.

You're making it much more complicated than it needs to be. If you don't trust him and you suspect he's cheating, take steps to extricate yourself from him. Don't bugger about trying to play with his head. You can't win with that.