Page 2 | Age gap children. Can it work?

Daisythecow34 · 2021-02-18T10:28:01+00:00

I have a ds age 9. Split with his dad when he was just a baby. Been with my current dp 5 years and now finally in a position where we are settled, financially secure and could manage a baby. I'm 35, dp is older...45. My ds has always been a very placid, easy child. Would I be mad to consider ttc now? I always wanted another baby but I worry a bit about dp age and also the big age gap between children. Can it work?

Fileexplorerrrr · 18/02/2021 12:40

There is a 9 year gap between my two children.

They have always been very close and now the youngest is 11, they are closer than ever.

The youngest really looks up to their older sibling and they have their ‘boy chats’ quite often.

I also have a 19 year gap between myself and my younger sister and we have always been very close.

Although I’ve never lived at home with her, she’s been like an adopted daughter as we’ve always spent so much time together and her and my oldest are as close as a brother and sister so am age gap doesn’t always matter.

DioneTheDiabolist · 18/02/2021 12:42

I has DS2 when DS1 was 10yo and it has been brilliant.

DS1 fell instantly in love with his brother as soon as he saw him and actually created a MN account to ask advice when the baby was a couple of months old. They are 14 and 3 now and have a fantastic bond, DS1 now says he cant remember a time before he had a brother.

mrsbitaly · 18/02/2021 12:48

My husbands ex has a child age gap of 18 years!!! There is 8 years between my two girls and its so lovely. Go for it, if your in the financial position to have a baby go for it don't hesitate 😉 good luck!!!

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 18/02/2021 12:50

I have a 9 years 10 months gap and it all worked out really well.

TeeniefaeTroon · 18/02/2021 12:51

My DD was 11 when my DS was born, she was a great help when he was a baby. They get on well 8 years on even though there's a big age gap, she's at Uni but they play games online together.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 18/02/2021 12:55

There seven years between my two and they have always been very close. My eldest (DS) is also a very laid-back, calm person, where as my DD (youngest) is a holy terror, but they bring out the best in each other and it totally works. Go for it!

MojoJojo71 · 18/02/2021 12:59

Any gap can work. My DS was 16 when his sister was born. He’s now 24 and she’s 8, they are very close and it’s wonderful watching them together.

MojoJojo71 · 18/02/2021 13:00

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe

Tricky really. If the new child is a girl, the older one will probably be fairly protective of her. If the new child is a boy he will resent him and probably bully or abuse him, so you would need to be very careful about not leaving them alone together.

This is seriously fucked up. If this is what your family is like I’d suggest you seek professional help.

noname55 · 18/02/2021 13:02

I'm TTC now with what will potentially be a 9 year+ age gap. Interested to read the replies!

Original poster

Daisythecow34 · 18/02/2021 13:03

I've thought about my son in this. He isn't totally keen on the idea of a sibling now but speaking as an only child I wish as an adult I had support with my elderly family members in the form of a sibling. We have a tiny family and I just don't want him to end up alone. Realistically I know their interests and commonality will be different as kids due to the age gap but it doesn't matter so much as adults.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 18/02/2021 13:05

I have a 10 year gap between DS1 and DS2 and it is the sweetest thing. They are lovely together. They are 2 and 12 now.

I think it's actually a perfect gap! DS1 is old enough to go off and do his own thing or stay at home if toddler activities don't interest him. DS2 is young enough to be distracted or not notice feeling left out of preteen activities. Also content to potter around in the corner not really joining in. But a lot of things DS1 tends to go to by himself anyway, he doesn't need a parental chaperone any more.

But did want to experience a more traditional gap as well so we are having DC3 now :o

Ijustlikedthename · 18/02/2021 13:06

Go for it!

HalfTermHalfTerm · 18/02/2021 13:07

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe

Tricky really. If the new child is a girl, the older one will probably be fairly protective of her. If the new child is a boy he will resent him and probably bully or abuse him, so you would need to be very careful about not leaving them alone together.

Ah, we’re just making stuff up now. Gotcha.

Obviously can say for certain that siblings will get on (whatever the age gap) but I lots of sets of siblings with a bigger age gap who get on really well. Has your son mentioned wanting a sibling OP?

easterbuns1 · 18/02/2021 13:10

I have an 11 year old and 10 year old to my ex husband and a toddler and one one the way to my current partner. I was really worried about the impact on the older two when the youngest arrived but they all have a great relationship and love each other very much. It's not always easy, I had got used to that couple times every second weekend when they were with their dad and obviously we don't get that now and sometimes it's hard to do activities that are going to suit everyone but tbh once lockdown has lifted I think older two will be doing more and more with their friends and be growing up so it won't be as much of an issue.

If you want to do it then go for it.

AmySosa · 18/02/2021 13:10

My dc are 18,17 and 9.

My siblings and I are 41, 40, 33 and 27.

Big gaps make for a busy and interesting family.

Rewis · 18/02/2021 13:10

Tricky really. If the new child is a girl, the older one will probably be fairly protective of her. If the new child is a boy he will resent him and probably bully or abuse him, so you would need to be very careful about not leaving them alone together

In this case the older child needs professional help. That is a very messed up assumption.

I know people with a 15 year age gap - absolutely doesn't work - they are like strangers (second family)
Do they primarily live in different households? I have over 15 year age difference and this is not the case with us at all.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 18/02/2021 13:41

There are loads of large age gaps in my family, my own DC have a large gap (and I have a tiny age gap too). My cousins DC have too and my aunts and uncles and their DC as well. So it seems completely normal to me.
My DC are grown up now and they get on really well, the gap is obviously smaller now and it’s a comfort to me knowing they have each other. My DM and her DS are really close despite having a 10 year gap.
My DH’s has very small gaps with his siblings and they are not close at all as adults.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 18/02/2021 13:42

That should say DM and Dsis , otherwise that would be very weird.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/02/2021 13:44

I know more age gaps where they haven’t worked than where they have. Mainly the ones where both parents are the same and there is no other family issues.

Blended families come with their own issues as most people naturally favour their own child over a step child and the dynamic changes. Adding in an age gap where they won’t have anything much in common and there’s no guarantee it will work out. Will your DS be resentful of less attention during his high school years as babies take up more time, will it affect his social life and activities? If your DH has to give up work sooner than planned will finances still be secure etc?

ScarfaceCwaw · 18/02/2021 13:47

There are 14 years between me and my oldest sister (although we're full siblings - parents had a late surprise). Tbh I can't say we were "close" as children because she was away at university by the time I was old enough to remember much but we've always been close as adults and the age difference just doesn't matter.

Bells3032 · 18/02/2021 13:50

My dad is 11 and 13 years younger than his siblings (my grandparents had an ooopsie the year before which she lost and they decided they really wanted another one).

He is super close to both his brother and sister. in some ways it was easier as they weren't in competition when they were younger.

MerlinsSaggyLeftTit · 18/02/2021 13:52

I was 12 when my DSis was born. Much closer to her than DB who is a year and a half younger than me.

My DParents loved always having a babysitter on hand once she was 2/3.

Todaytomorrowyesterday · 18/02/2021 13:56

I have a 6 year age gap with my two.

But I have a 25 year age gap with my brother! It’s certainly different but I still wind him up as a big sister should :) Our Dad had me very young & was in his early 40’s when my brother was born - my Dad is a good father & grandfather! My brother isn’t overly embarrassed by his Dad being older (he’s not that much older than most of his friends Dads) he did get a little embarrassed I think when he was younger having such older sisters - but he over that now!

gwenneh · 18/02/2021 13:57

Absolutely. There's 10 years between my oldest and my youngest and it's just not a problem. Not that the DC are perfect, far from it, but the friction happens in the "closer age" pairings, not between the biggest age gap.

amusedbush · 18/02/2021 14:07

I think a bigger age gap would probably work better than a middle-of-the-road one, like me and my brother. He is 6 years younger than me and it was a nightmare. Obviously I was still pretty young when he was a baby/toddler but my parents could never find one thing to entertain us both as our needs and interests were so different. When I was a teenager he was a little kid and he annoyed the life out of me. My parents also forced me to give up my summer holidays from school to babysit him so they didn't have to take time off/pay for childcare, which probably didn't help.

I then moved out when he was 14 and, to be honest, I don't really know him that well. We text every so often but I don't see him more than once a year and we're so different, we wouldn't be friends if we weren't related.

Actually, seeing this written down leads me to realise my issue was probably with my parents rather than the age gap