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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s never ok to question what DP is eating?

49 replies

Allypally12 · 17/02/2021 23:22

DP is lovely, always thoughtful and kind, but tonight he criticised me for eating chocolate.

For context. I’ve been trying to stop eating so much chocolate and has been doing well. Half-term holiday and stressful day today, I’ve eaten cake and chocolate. Tonight I sat down with him to watch TV with a cup of tea and MORE chocolate. He looks at me with a disgusted look and says ‘more chocolate, that’s your second bar today. Don’t’.

For context, he has apologised and said that the way he said it was mean and he doesn’t know why he did.

I feel really sad, and embarrassed and that this will always impact how I feel about eating in front of him?

YABU - him commenting on my chocolate consumption was fair.

YANBU- his comments were unacceptable.

So as not to drop feed - I’m a size 6-8.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 17/02/2021 23:28

Commenting was uncalled for, but it sounds like you do eat a lot of chocolate. I have given up all sweet things for Lent. It is hard at first, but I soon get used to it.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 17/02/2021 23:28

It doesn't matter what size you are.
He could perhaps have commented gently something about you said you wanted to cut down, it's been a tough day, offered a cuppa or a hug, but been kind about it, and if you then said you wanted the chocolate, refrained from further comment.
You're a grown up, he was outright rude.
He would have got a swift fuck off food police from me!
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you

Original poster
Allypally12 · 17/02/2021 23:32

Thanks both. I can’t sleep, I feel really, really disappointed 😞

OP posts:
greenlynx · 17/02/2021 23:35

I eat lots of chocolate and my DH comments sometimes but in a more caring way so I’m ok with it.
I wouldn’t like disgust and criticism.

MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere · 17/02/2021 23:35

There are ways to address honest concerns for someone else's health and well-being. That was not the way to do it! I'd have retaliated and said something equally mean right back to him. (I'm sure you're aware of some of his own personal failings, such as being a jerk.) I'd also tell him that his attitude might very well drive me to even more emotional eating.

justilou1 · 17/02/2021 23:37

I don't know whether I'd be upset at the comment itself, because it could have been said in a supportive manner - but it wasn't. You said he was disgusted and critical. That's intolerable. I know you're disappointed in yourself, but you need to discuss HIS choice of response. It's not his call to monitor you in such an abusive way.

myturf · 17/02/2021 23:39

Ugh. Unless you regularly eat a shit load of chocolate every day, he is out of order. And even if that were the case the way he phrased it was not nice.

However people don't always think before they speak. If he'd apologised I'd chalk it up to him being a very thoughtless arsehole and forget about it.

(You'll get posters coming along to say he married you cos you're a size 6 and he's disgusted by anyone bigger and he's controlling you, or that they never eat chocolate except on even numbered years and you were being disgusting and he was right to say something etc etc But I'd say it's much more likely he was just being a knobhead who engaged mouth before brain. Don't pay too much heed to dramatics, you know him best: if he's usually kind and not weird about food and supportive, it's probably a fuck up, not a symptom of something more sinister.)

katy1213 · 17/02/2021 23:39

If you can eat two bars of chocolate a day and stay a size 6 - I'd shove your next Crunchie up his bum and tell him what he can do with himself. Why on earth would you feel embarrassed?
Just a word of warning - you might find that your wonderful metabolism changes as you gets older! Unfortunately, mine did. But enjoy it while it lasts.Go on, time for another bar before bed!

extentioncord · 17/02/2021 23:40

I feel really sad, and embarrassed and that this will always impact how I feel about eating in front of him?

This is a huge over reaction.

If I was trying to stop eating chocolate and my DH said what yours did I would

A. Listen (because I would realise he was actually just reminding me of what I said)

Or

B. Tell him to fuck off (lightheartedly) and eat the chocolate

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/02/2021 23:43

Being small doesn’t mean you’re healthy and you’ve said you’re trying to cut down. Have you been talking about it a lot? Was he anticipating that you’d wake up tomorrow and regret it so rather than criticising what you were eating he’s criticising the eat then regret cycle?

Maybe not, maybe he was just being mean. He’s apologised.

ItsDinah · 17/02/2021 23:50

If you've been boring on about how you have to cut down chocolate consumption,I can see why your DP was exasperated enough to comment. Have you been mentioning it?

partyatthepalace · 18/02/2021 00:02

I think you are taking it a bit too much to heart. I think perhaps he was just in an irritable mood so the reminder came out as rude, do you think?

Anyway, he is at fault for being rude so tell him so.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2021 00:06

He’s already apologised. She says so.

AgeLikeWine · 18/02/2021 00:14

He said something silly, for which he has apologised. Mistakes happen, so don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Forget it, move on, and keep enjoying your chocolate.

TheNestedIf · 18/02/2021 00:16

If you haven't drastically changed your size since he first became attracted to you, and you aren't bending his ear relentlessly about your current diet regime, he isn't being fair to comment.

grassisjeweled · 18/02/2021 00:20

The 'don't' would piss me off the most.

He tells you what to do, apparently. Or not do. And he's not even tactical about it.

Fuck that.

MintyCedric · 18/02/2021 00:22

If you can eat two bars of chocolate a day and stay a size 6 - I'd shove your next Crunchie up his bum and tell him what he can do with himself.

For some reason this has given me the best laugh I've had in about a week and FWIW I'm in total agreement

BestOption · 18/02/2021 00:23

@Allypally12

Thanks both. I can’t sleep, I feel really, really disappointed 😞
I can't sleep if I eat too much chocolate in the evening.

Though that might be age (52) I don't remember it being an issue in my younger years!

HappyHallie · 18/02/2021 00:25

It was rude comment, particularly if he knew you'd had a stressful day.
But it was a one off and he apologised^^ and obviously realised himself that he was rude.

You are blowing it well out of proportion.
But that's easy to do when you're stressed and tired.

HeddaGarbled · 18/02/2021 00:28

Have you talked to him previously to this conversation about the fact that you are trying to eat less chocolate?

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2021 00:36

For context. I’ve been trying to stop eating so much chocolate and has been doing well. Half-term holiday and stressful day today, I’ve eaten cake and chocolate.

So as not to drop feed - I’m a size 6-8.

What does your size have to do with the fact you've been trying to cut down on something but you've ended up using it as a crutch/stress relief?

If you're trying to cut down on anything but find that you can't due to stress, then that's a problem.

Yes, he could've been more tactful but you've basically admitted you have a problem and as your DP, he obviously knows that too - hence his (albeit tactless) comment.

To anyone who doesn't have a problem/doesn't need to cut down, chocolate is just chocolate and they don't give a second thought to eating it when they fancy.

BastardGoDarkly · 18/02/2021 00:48

I'm hoping you're not the poster who's bf grabbed her belly and called her chubster?

Is there more to this op?

Chloemol · 18/02/2021 01:04

YANBU.

LindaEllen · 18/02/2021 01:08

I'm not sure how anyone can be so uncomfortable with their partner that they can't allow them to make comments like that.

Whenever me or DP are trying to lose some weight, if one of us gets chocolate or crisps the other will go what you eating that for you fat git 😂 and then sometimes I'll/he'll put it back and say nah you're right I'm just eating it for the sake, or I'll/he'll give him/me the middle finger and make a big show of eating it and enjoying it.

I couldn't be with someone who was so bloody touchy!

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/02/2021 01:10

If you are constantly moaning to him that you eat too much chocolate and then sit down with another bar, he is going to say something. As would you if he moaned to you that he is eating too much crap and then ordered in a Maccies.

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