"Watch out everybody, a white van was spotted in such and such street" and other such pointless panic-mongery

[ImNotACat]

AIBU to be totally fucking sick of the "warnings" on local social media about absolutely bloody nothing?

Yeah, you saw a white van. OMFG the driver got out and left something on a doorstep then took a photo Perhaps he's a delivery driver you thick drama llama.

And what? An Asian woman with glasses was taking photos of an empty house on your street?? Quick, log it with the police. She must be up to something. Or maybe, just maybe, she's a fucking estate agent?

A car drove slowly past as you walked your dog? Yes, BECAUSE ITS POURING and the driver was probs trying to avoid soaking you as they went through puddles.

A van was seen driving very slowly round Labyrinth Close with 2 men in the front peering at the front doors 😱 That would be because the numbers are arranged in some bizarre configuration that makes no sense and it's basically impossible to find your way around if you haven't been before. Every time I have to drop something off to that estate (I do local deliveries for work sometimes) I expect to see a post about a badly dressed woman driving a rustbucket and staring into people's gardens 🤣

I mean I know IABU to care about Facebook really but it's infuriating watching people getting so worked up about fuck all.

Yes, the dog stealers are rife in my area, very suspicious pink paint sign , it's bubble gum! Also definite d mark on my front door, bird crap as a pp said.
My favourite was a cat, Poppy, she was constantly being photographed and put on the community page as a lost cat. Her owners then posted a photo to say that she's a very friendly and greedy little cat, is not lost and has a very comfortable home. She now has her own Facebook page and regularly gives updates on her adventures.

@HippyChickMama

This is the best Nextdoor post ever, walking on my labia 🤣

Pussy on pussy action

This whole thread is very cheering.

@ImNotACat

Just remembered a classic from last year.

Lisa: my Darren found a scooter down the park, it was abandoned and one of the asylum seeker kids from the estate was eyeing it up so he's brought it home for safe keeping

Joanne: that's my kids scooter that he just out down while he was on the swings, then your Darren jumped on and scooted off so fast we couldn't stop him even though we chased after him shouting STOP

Lisa: are you calling my Darren a liar?

Or the "found this driving license" with a photo with the address blacked out Just take it to the address you plonker!

I've just made a right tit of myself posting this by accident on another, totally inappropriate thread. So I'll repost it here, where it belongs.

"FOUND! Flipflop/slider found on the beach this morning. Looks like it's been there for a while, but if it's yours, I've left it with Vera at the post office."

Poor bloody Vera.

@ImNotACat

Or the "found this driving license" with a photo with the address blacked out Just take it to the address you plonker!

But then they'd have no excuse to publicise their do-gooding. You can't get bogged down with common sense and efficiency when you're a well known pillar of the community.

This is one of the very many reasons why I don’t use or engage with social media.

Ooh I've spotted one today
Person ranting about plant pots on the pavement preventing parking (that's a lot of P words) and "I'll move them"
Besides the fact even if you move them there's about enough room for a cat, not a car
Further down someone points out it's actually an access road only with no parking signs which the poster forgot to mention

“Is the shop in the village very busy at the moment?” Cue a great long debate about the number of people in the shop at various other times. The woman asking lives opposite the shop.

“I’m a Body Shop at Home business owner and I’m about to put an order in”. You and every other woman in the village doing the same, or Avon. A complete waste of your time. And it’s not your business.

“Foreign looking man lurking in the bus stop”. Could he possibly be waiting for a bus? He’s probably trying to get into town so he can go to the job centre and steal all your jobs.

“To the person who parked there Fiesta opposite my drive. I hav photos of your car and will be reporting you”. Who to? The Legal Parking Stasi?

“Does anyone have the phone number for the Drs surgery, it’s an emergency?” Hang on let me Google it for you, sorry I’ve only just seen your post from 20 mins ago “that’s ok Hun, I can stem the bleeding, I’ll keep a look out for your post”.

“Just seen an ambulance at number 34, hope they’re OK”
“Oh dear, hope it’s nothing serious”
Etc etc, all the nosy fuckers place marking.

And, yes, fireworks and dog shit as well

@Fuckingcrustybread - could you post a link to Poppy’s page, please? It sounds great!

I get the rage with the following;

“TO THE LADY IN THE SILVER KIA who almost hit me coming up the hill and then screeched across the lights as they turned amber, I hope you made it safely to wherever you were heading in such a rush”.

Of course they don’t care if she made it safely and if she didn’t hit you then she didn’t hit you!! Why do they think we need to know about this “almost” accident or that the lady in the silver Kia is local or will read it?!

I think we're on the same group @Imnotacat

Oh yes, as if anyone ever has come to the post to say "oh yes, that was me. Luckily I have seen your post and will not do it again thanks to your public rant" 😂

Yanbu I see the same on here. People
Who post in the coronavirus section with the PM is speaking tonight BREAKING NEWS!

I always laugh when someone says breaking news, it’s such a sad thing!

@StealthPolarBear

I can't bear the self important "ring found in bus shelter. Owner must tell me the initials engraved inside"

There was mass hysteria on ours today as someone posted a bank card they'd found and hadn't redacted any details at all (I know it was stupid but oh God, the DRAMA!!)

Considering a high percentage of the population has a mobile phone with a camera no fekker ever takes photos or notes down registration numbers.

This is one of the very many reasons why I don’t use or engage with social media.

Jeez, look at the fun you're missing!

Our community page had one post I will never forget.
"Just a heads up, there's 2 teenagers who have been loitering at a bus stop on the main road for the last 20 minutes. Possibly checking out properties to rob in the area?"
Or maybe they were waiting for a bus??

YANBU, and so much of it is racist. Black or Asian ir 'swarthy' people daring to exist

One post on our local community page I'll never forget.
"2 teenagers loitering at a bus stop for the last 20 minutes!! Heads up in case they're checking out properties to rob!
Or maybe they were just waiting for the bus!

Sorry, didnt post first time

@Completelyfrozen

Our community page had one post I will never forget. "Just a heads up, there's 2 teenagers who have been loitering at a bus stop on the main road for the last 20 minutes. Possibly checking out properties to rob in the area?" Or maybe they were waiting for a bus??

This is exactly the sort of febrile bullshit I mean. Bus stops are for people to wait in. If the bus is late, they might be there a while. Why is this a cause for alarm?

www.facebook.com/Poppy-a-cat-on-a-mission-x-101566865233967/
@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I hope that this works

We have a local lady who rings people's doorbells in the evening, presumably she is desperate and after money. The way people react you'd think she was an axe maniac and you get so much abuse if you calmly suggest that they simply don't answer the door

I’m always entertained when we get a lot of mithering about helicopters overhead. Err, we’re 2 miles from a Heliport - they have to land somewhere.