"Watch out everybody, a white van was spotted in such and such street" and other such pointless panic-mongery

[ImNotACat]

AIBU to be totally fucking sick of the "warnings" on local social media about absolutely bloody nothing?

Yeah, you saw a white van. OMFG the driver got out and left something on a doorstep then took a photo Perhaps he's a delivery driver you thick drama llama.

And what? An Asian woman with glasses was taking photos of an empty house on your street?? Quick, log it with the police. She must be up to something. Or maybe, just maybe, she's a fucking estate agent?

A car drove slowly past as you walked your dog? Yes, BECAUSE ITS POURING and the driver was probs trying to avoid soaking you as they went through puddles.

A van was seen driving very slowly round Labyrinth Close with 2 men in the front peering at the front doors 😱 That would be because the numbers are arranged in some bizarre configuration that makes no sense and it's basically impossible to find your way around if you haven't been before. Every time I have to drop something off to that estate (I do local deliveries for work sometimes) I expect to see a post about a badly dressed woman driving a rustbucket and staring into people's gardens 🤣

I mean I know IABU to care about Facebook really but it's infuriating watching people getting so worked up about fuck all.

How do people differentiate between a cat that is or isn’t lost ?
How does a cat look lost ?
Maybe they’re the ones looking in puzzlement at an A-Z .

I had to leave my neighbor hood/ street watch type thing because of bollocks like this .
I left after the last message ‘ did any one see that blue corsa pull into our street about 11pm last night? Scared me to death ‘ oh get a grip!!

A local hotel has been sold. The fact that the locals don't know who to seems to be causing more stress than a global pandemic.

Oh the dog thieves ones are always hysterical. Someone posted a picture on my local page of a mark on her wall, cue dozens of ‘don’t let Sasha out for a piss hun’ type messages. On closer inspection of the photo the mark on the wall was a bird shite. But would they listen to reason 💁🏻😂

😆

There was one on my Next door that said "A suspicious man approached me in the park and asked me for directions to the council offices. They are closed at the moment so I can only assume this was a mugging gone wrong" 😂

@FossilisedFanny

How do people differentiate between a cat that is or isn’t lost ? How does a cat look lost ? Maybe they’re the ones looking in puzzlement at an A-Z .

This is what I want to know. I ask but never get a polite reply

we have had some post on the fb community site this last couple of weeks, saying the same, some times a white van, sometimes a blue van, and they all had two people in them. It had been deemed, that they are all people who are dog and puppy stealers, as it's now a countrywide thing that is happening, after so many people bought expensive pups in the lockdown, and they would be deemed to fetch a load of money for the dog stealing criminals.

Someone in my village, actually said, that they answered the door, and the caller picked up their new puppy when it ran out of the door , not sure if a rogue stealer could walk off with a dog in that situation though. !

Lots of pictures of any irregularity in the colouring on a wall or road or house is a secret signal to thieves, especially dog thieves. Once it was a picture of a puddle

This is why I'm very glad my mum has never been tempted to use Facebook. If she posted half the things she messages me about, I'd have to put myself up for adoption.

"Different postman today. It's a woman."

"Van been parked outside Lynn's since before I got up. Not sure, possibly having her gutters looked at again."

"Is it a new Big Issue seller by the station? Perhaps she has a new coat."

Or the 'accident on the main road, hope nobody seriously hurt, thoughts and prayers' etc which roughly translates as 'oooo what's happened?!'

So true.

The "To the person who..." ones really annoy me. Say something at the time!

We recently had a photo of a "penguin" on the beach asking if it was still there from the day before or had been rescued. A few brave people pointed out that penguins don't live in this hemisphere and it was actually a guillemot. They either got snippy replies or completely ignored by other people still tagging their friends saying "Look, a penguin!".

Sadly I've had to come off the local groups as any posts about the homeless/missed bin collections/bad takeaways/missing pets all get blamed on the asylum seekers being accommodated at the local barracks by the "Send 'em back to France" morons.

Who should I complain to about the fact that our village’s FB group has no gossip or panic-mongering in it whatsoever - just helpful stuff about local shops and when the Post Office opens, and thanking the volunteers who go out litter picking.

No drama at all - I feel cheated.

Last week on my local Facebook page was a whole saga about one of those raffle sites that keep popping up now.
The organiser and another woman posting rants about each other on Facebook and then all their family members joining in on either side.
Screenshots of private messages were posted and accusations that one of them had made fake Facebook profiles to back themselves up and spy on the group 🤣

It was fascinating!

My mum & MIL are suckers for the

'Halloween candy containing LSD found on 6th & Johnson. Sheriff Billy Bigballs warning kindergarten children to be safe'.

A) it's probably not true
B) Erm, we live in England. I'm not taking DS(15) all the way to Fuckbutt Arizona to trick or treat

I fucking loathe these as well. Low-level stickybeakery masquerading as public spiritedness.

@Justmuddlingalong

Free to a good home, fringed lampshade, classic 1970s style, slightly nicotine stained with a small tear in the fabric. Followed by 6 posts of "I'll take it." Followed by 23 posts of posts of "that's really unfair, I bagsied it first."

Ah I love facebook selling

“Needs gone today”

Oh but you can't ban them!

No word of a lie, if you live within about 10miles of me you will have seen this one.

Man caught on CCTV footage in a house set back off a small rural dead end lan; Driving a council logo'd van to the end of the road, having a shit in the road, driving away again.

Clearly visible. Reported to council. All denied. Owner of cctv threatened to put up the very clear footage if the council didn't get it cleaned up the following day.

Footage went up for about 4 hours... If you'd known him you'd probably have recognised him even pixilated! Council sent cleaners, footage came down.

It made all the usual white van posts almost worth it! 😀

The "To the person who..." ones really annoy me. Say something at the time!

Yes, yes and thrice yes! We get this all the time on our village Facebook. "To the woman who I've just watched let their three-legged St Bernard poo on the pavement outside the Catholic church AND MADE NO ATTEMPT TO PICK IT UP - not pointing fingers, but I went to school with you Helen, I know you live at 12 Beech Avenue with your husband Darren who works at the Co-op and I'll be posting it through your door."

Just remembered a classic from last year.

Lisa: my Darren found a scooter down the park, it was abandoned and one of the asylum seeker kids from the estate was eyeing it up so he's brought it home for safe keeping

Joanne: that's my kids scooter that he just out down while he was on the swings, then your Darren jumped on and scooted off so fast we couldn't stop him even though we chased after him shouting STOP

Lisa: are you calling my Darren a liar?

I mean I know IABU to care about Facebook really but it's infuriating watching people getting so worked up about fuck all

Indeed

I love ours. Endless daily entertainment on there.

Common themes include:
Lost items/ pets.
Anyone seen my cat/ dog/ rabbit/ hamster/ lizard?
Dog/ cat/ hamster/ rabbit/ lizard roaming around our street, anyone lost a pet?
Who's house keys are these?
Found these keys at (shop) handed in at desk.
Lost my car/ house keys.
Anyone seen DS/ DD's blanket/ dummy/ teddy?

Nosey:
Why are the police outside number 7? What has happened?
Why is there an ambulance at number 5?
Anyone know why the fire engine is in town?
Accident in town, anyone know whats happening?
Saw Asian/ Eastern European/ Traveller/ African person in white van looking at houses, complete with picture of van and number plate.
Anyone know why old Mrs Figg's daughter from London is visiting her?

Doctors surgery status updates:
What vaccine is been given out at the drs today? Who has been contacted? I haven't been contacted.
Anyone else not get through to the drs surgery today, Im number 80 in the queue?
Anyone know the pharmacy number?
Anyone else unable to order their medication?
Why is there a queue outside the drs?

Weather related:
Why has the road not been gritted?
Anyone know why the grit bin is empty?
Is _ flooded?
Has the supermarket gritted the car park?
Scenic weather pictures.

My personal favourite - The parking ones: Makes a parking thread on here look very tame.
Whose car is THIS, it is parked outside MY house? photograph of car number plate, 100 comments - smash the windscreen, slash the tyres, smash the side mirrors off, let down the tyres, check it is taxed/ insured and if not report it, dent the bonnet, drill the fuel tank, smash eggs/ flour over it.
Parking shaming - car parked across 2 bays, on white lines, no ticket, parked in pick up point, parked on curb, parked blocking pavement, parked blocking road etc. Same 100 comments - smash the windscreen, slash the tyres, smash the side mirrors off, let down the tyres, check it is taxed/ insured and if not report it, dent the bonnet, drill the fuel tank, smash eggs/ flour over it.

Bloody brilliant every day.

Bil has been reported a few times. Despite being a plumber with BILL’S PLUMBERS all over the van.
And my ds got reported as being suspicious running down the street with a rucksack on his back at 10pm. Fair enough, apart from the bright green Morrison’s jacket he was wearing as he went to work as he has for 5 years.

I always get people posting urban legends as a warning because it "100% happened to someone they know" (but somehow never makes the news and there are no official warnings from police ). Do people really think you can knock someone out with chloroform just by getting them to sniff a perfume sample FFS?

I can't bear the self important "ring found in bus shelter. Owner must tell me the initials engraved inside"