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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what advice you would give to yourself at 40?

86 replies

HamnetandJudith · 17/02/2021 13:57

I wish I had asked this question when I was 21. But if you are older than 40, what advice would you give to your 40 year old self?

I feel much wiser than I was at 21, but I also feel that my field of opportunity has narrowed, particularly career wise. I want to make the right choices now.

OP posts:
MammaSchwifty · 17/02/2021 19:16

*Prioritise your health, first and foremost
*Get your finances in order
*You had kids young, so start dabbling in enjoying your freedom now

crazylikechocolate · 17/02/2021 19:27

I would say
Take a long hard look at your life and assess what you are happy with in it , if everything is good , enjoy it but if that isn't so then set out plans to change what isn't enjoyable

At 40 you are still young enough to do almost anything you want to , be it change career, emigrate, move and start afresh in a new area or with a new partner, take up a new hobby / hobbies ...
Be aware you should be providing for your future and you never know what is around the corner both good and bad

Op something must have prodded you into asking this question ? Make sure you act on it

I can remember literally waking up one morning and realising I needed to change - partner , career and where I lived , it shocked me to admit I didn't like the seemingly pretty good life I had , that was probably idyllic to many
but slowly and steadily I changed everything and absolutely no regrets ( other than I wish I had be able to do it earlier) I live a totally different life I now and so much much happier than I was

MadamBatty · 17/02/2021 19:27

In what seems like 3 years you’ll be 50.

Look at your pension, pay down your mortgage as much as you can.

crazylikechocolate · 17/02/2021 19:31

Something I must add
I have ditched people who are negative around me , because I came to realise mostly its manipulative , so liberating

TopTabby · 17/02/2021 19:50

Don't waste time on people who aren't bothered about you.
Stand up for yourself & try to stop caring what people think.
Get fit & do your best to stay that way because it's bloody hard to get it back as you get closer to 50.
Enjoy your 40s, 50 comes round very quickly!

whatsoccuringnow · 17/02/2021 19:56

Well, I'm heading towards 40 and trying to re evaluate things!
Health and fitness, more energy, less alcohol, going to therapy, ditch negative people in your life....treat yourself if you can, spend time with people you love.
Sounds so simple there!

Original poster
HamnetandJudith · 17/02/2021 20:10

I feel like I want to change career. I look back at my 20s and all those wasted years in a job I hated; the mistakes I made; the regrets I had. I’m now in a position where I do feel I can make some positive changes and I want to look back in 20 years without regrets.

I had my dc in my 20s, with the wrong man. I have the right DH now and the dc are growing up. I want to take responsibility for my future. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I know I need to make positive choices now or not at all.

OP posts:
ticketstub · 17/02/2021 20:11

Check your state pension entitlement online to get an idea of how many years you have and review any private pensions to see what you've got and think about what you need. A few changes now could have a big impact on your retirement.

blue25 · 17/02/2021 20:14

-Look after your health-eat well & exercise daily
-Focus on your pension & make sure you won’t be poor in retirement
-Don’t try to keep up with the Jones’ in terms of house, car etc. Be happy with what you have

Original poster
HamnetandJudith · 17/02/2021 20:15

I have a teacher’s pension- though unfortunately I had about ten years out when the kids were young. It’s a decent pension though and I’m looking only at public sector careers because of the generally much better pension schemes. I’m trying to pay down my mortgage as much as I can.
Reconnecting with friends is on my plan too.
I wasted so much of my 20s trying to please others and not knowing who I was. I don’t want to do that anymore.

OP posts:
whatsnewpussycat777 · 17/02/2021 20:17

Look up alpha, and go on one.

dublingirl66 · 17/02/2021 20:18

Gosh these are fab thank you !!!

SmednotaSmoo · 17/02/2021 20:20

Waving at fellow born in ‘81-er.

I have young children and have got to a niche and fairly senior point in my career. I don’t want to go further but have no idea how to get out given I have a lifestyle (mortgage, childcare bill, working hours) built around the current one.

I know I’m not alone here, in my 20s I didn’t apply for new stuff because I was having too much fun doing other things but I bitterly regret that now.

TableNiner · 17/02/2021 20:25

Get educated about the perimenopause/menopause

YukoandHiro · 17/02/2021 20:47

Glad I stumbled across this thread. I'm 38, on maternity leave with my second (and last) child and plan to make some big changes work wise once this pandemic is over.
I'm also going to have the bold haircut I really want once this lockdown is over and stop styling myself to be taken "seriously" as a woman in a role I intellectually outgrew years ago but stuck in for the maternity pay (which I don't recommend, if anyone else reading this is doing the same... we would have survived financially, I should have just taken the plunge).

Dobbyismyfavourite · 17/02/2021 20:59

Your 40's is a great decade.
If you have young children start to prioritise yourself. Good skincare routine, get to a weight you are happy with as it much more difficult to shift pounds when you hit your 50's. The main one is care less what other people think! Also I spend more time and energy with people who add to my life and a long time ago I stopped trying to please everyone.

YukoandHiro · 17/02/2021 21:06

@TableNiner what do you mean by get educated? Are there some things you suggest women in their early 40s do to prepare?

RosesAndHellebores · 17/02/2021 21:08

You are young. Enjoy the next 20 years.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 17/02/2021 21:14

Ask for a transfer to another team, away from your misogynistic, bullying boss. Don’t lock horns.

Otherwise you’re doing everything right for once.

SunscreenCentral · 17/02/2021 21:15

Its far better to throw money into your pension than to pay down the mortgage.

If you don’t have a pension, start one.
If you still don’t have one at 50, start one.

2020iscancelled · 17/02/2021 21:19

Only early 40s here so nothing to add in hindsight but I am finding that I am exploring my own mental health / character / fundamental personality more now than ever and it’s becoming incredibly important to me to understand myself.

Not because I have any specific issues but because I want to know myself better.

I really need to up my exercise too!

whatisforteamum · 17/02/2021 21:25

40s and 50s are great.I used to think that wrinkles would be my biggest worries as I got older.Hell no.So long as you have your health and made an effort in your 30s to stay slim and fit age is nothing but a number.
Do look up perimenopause though.I thought I would sail through and wasted time struggling needlessly when GPS didn't point out my symptoms were related.
Not caring what people think is liberating.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 17/02/2021 21:27

I am only 32 but already doing a few of these (cutting out negative people, skin care, losing weight while still relatively easy, improving fitness now DS a bit older and have more time and energy, having therapy and working out what is truly important, rethinking career and improving financial situation) so I am keen to get more tips :)

Justgivemeamoment · 17/02/2021 23:47

These are fab, keep them coming !
Two years to go and almost looking forward to it Smile

flowerycurtain · 18/02/2021 07:18

Another 81'er here having similar thoughts!

Great advice

OP - what are you thinking of doing career wise?