To think friend is being silly?

[MiaMarshmallows]

We were on a Zoom chat last night and I burst into tears when recalling a story I read about a nurse who had died. She has worked throughout coronavirus and got her children into the NHS profession as well.
My friend agreed it was tragic but then went quiet and the whole conversation afterwards was very strained.
She texted me about an hour later saying 'The story you told me was tragic. I just wondered why you didn't really react when I told you about Zoe who had died. The one who I was pretty close to and the one who (my granddaughter knew of). '

I was shocked when I heard about the lady my friend knew of but the story on the news hit me harder, I'm not sure why I should have to explain that to her or justify my feelings?

@MiaMarshmallows

To be clear, my friends friend was not a HCP. She died of coronavirus but was not in the health profession. Of course I was sad to hear about it. I did not know the woman same as I did not know about the lady I read about on the news. It just hit me harder for some reason. That's not to say I don't feel sad about any death. Both of course are tragic.

You make it sound like the lady on the TVs death is worse because she works for the NHS and your friends friend didn't.

The fact that you think she might be being silly is what gets me out of all of this.

YABVU

To be clear, my friends friend was not a HCP. She died of coronavirus but was not in the health profession.
Of course I was sad to hear about it. I did not know the woman same as I did not know about the lady I read about on the news. It just hit me harder for some reason. That's not to say I don't feel sad about any death. Both of course are tragic.

You might not have been upset by the lady your friend knew 's death but your friend was upset and looked for empathy and didn't get it..... can you really not understand what the issue is?

There are many, many sad stories around at the moment and some have more of an impact on us than others. But, if you're going to cry about somebody you don't know and expect respect for your feelings, you need to empathise and respect other people's feelings. That's how it works.
I think maybe apologise to your friend and try to give her a bit of time and space to talk about Zoe.

Yeah, I wasn't really sure of the relevance of her friend not being a HCP..

Calling her silly is horrible and belittling. She has probably seen and gone through stuff you can only begin to imagine in this last year.

I think you have to try and look at it from her perspective instead. She has lost a friend, which you didn't seem to react to, and instead you are crying over a woman you have read about in the news. It can be seen as attention seeking and that you are trying to compete with her.

YABU and massively self absorbed. It’s a good thing that your friend has messaged, it suggests that she might still be interested in remaining friends.

Why were you bringing up someone on the news who died anyway? That's inappropriate when she has just lost someone... you don't have empathy and you were wrong for all of it

Why were you bringing up someone on the news who died anyway? That's inappropriate when she has just lost someone

I have to agree I also wondered why you brought up a complete stranger who had died when talking to someone who you knew had recently lost someone. It seems an incredibly tactless and almost cruel thing to do even without all the dramatics of crying about it.

The more I read this thread the more irritated I am with you OP for ‘bursting into tears’ on hearing a news story about someone who has died when your friend is dealing with her own first hand grief.

Your friend (based on her reaction to you) is also a much nicer person than I am.

You have already dismissed your friends pain as silly, so I am not sure what you are looking for here. If it is a justification for your lack of empathy, it doesnt look like it will be forthcoming here. Yes, you have a right to your feelings, and yes, we never know when something will hit us hard. But you also sound really insensitive to what has been happening to her and she was right to call you out on it.