AIBU to expect my husband to be able to make a cuppa the way that I like it?

[hermionieweasley]

We have been married for nearly two years, together for six, friends for eleven. AIBU to expect him to know how I like my cup of tea?
I like it the PROPER way - fresh water in kettle, tea bag in mug, water poured on as it's just boiled, wait 27 seconds (my childhood friend told me this when I was about six and have always done it lol), and then stir in two sugars and a dash of milk. Perfection.

Instead, I get watery milky horrible cups of tea, and never off his own back, only if I badger him for a cup. I caught him yday putting the milk in before the tea bag or the water

YANBU
My family know better than to offer me tea made in the cup.

If you’re only leaving the bag in for 27 seconds surely all your tea is watery and horrible? 3-4 minutes is needed for an actual proper tea taste, let alone milk amounts.

Yabu tea should be left for a few minutes and be the colour of a lotus biscuit

DP makes me multiple teas everyday, just the way I like it- with lots of milk! He learnt how I liked my tea in the first few weeks of us dating.
YANBU. A nice cuppa is the way to my heart.

@SimonJT your tea sounds lovely! Roughly what amounts of spices and which tea would you use? I'd love to try that sometime. Assuming you'd use cinnamon sticks rather than ground cinnamon, and whole cloves and cardamom seeds?

I make coffee for DH all day as he's not too fussy, but he has no idea how I make mine and hasn't bothered learning, and I'd rather make my own than risk having to pour out the cup (that, and I spend most.of my time in/near the kitchen anyway!)
In the first few years of being together we used to drink tea and coffee the same way and we would always make a cup for the other person.

Took eight years to train mine up, at which point I decided he was ready to marry me. He has a Chemistry degree, but really, what can you expect from a man who drinks coffee from a Nespresso machine that uses two day old standing water without noticing?

Not sure how you can achieve this in 27 seconds

@hermionieweasley

We have been married for nearly two years, together for six, friends for eleven. AIBU to expect him to know how I like my cup of tea? I like it the PROPER way - fresh water in kettle, tea bag in mug, water poured on as it's just boiled, wait 27 seconds (my childhood friend told me this when I was about six and have always done it lol), and then stir in two sugars and a dash of milk. Perfection.

Instead, I get watery milky horrible cups of tea, and never off his own back, only if I badger him for a cup. I caught him yday putting the milk in before the tea bag or the water

yanbu - It should be very obvious how your partner likes their tea and they should endeavour to make it that way as you should theirs. He should offer to make it as well and not have to be badgered. Watery, milky tea is divorce material.

YABU but to be fair I am the crap tea and coffee maker in my house.

In my defence I drink both tea and coffee black so firstly DP gets off easy because he has a really simple task making me a drink. Also because I haven't used milk for eons I really struggle how to make it with milk for others.

Plus DP has a stupidly complex (well to me it is) system of when to add the milk , how to mix it so it's the right level of frothy but not too much. Which coffee or tea can be used at which time of day (or week sometimes). I never bloody get it right. Ever.

I don't often make it because he always takes it , says thank you (he is quite lovely and appreciated the effort ) but then I see him grimace when he thinks I'm not looking or he surreptitiously (and always gets caught) escapes to throw it away and make another.

Meh we stick to our strengths , he makes the hot drinks and I drink and appreciate them. It doesn't mean I don't know him well , I am just hot drink making challenged.

Yanbu. DH makes tea for himself in a vile way (bag is in the water for less than 30 seconds IF THAT) but he knows how to make tea for me, very strong with a drop of milk. The first time I ever made tea for him, a few days into our relationship, he accused me of trying to kill him, he really does not like strong tea at all. If we ever have Polish teabags I always need to use two, they're weirdly weak.

Yabvvu for 27 seconds in a mug. Yuck.

Out of a pot if possible.

My DH couldn't make a brew to save his life. I have particular standards and usually make it myself.

He came up with a little ditty to remind himself how I like it 🤣🤣

'From the pot, milk before hot. Making it fast, milk in last' 🤣

Yes, we're sad.

YANBU to think your spouse should learn your beverage preference.

Tea is very personal. Unfortunately I developed an intolerance in pregnancy to black tea so only drink herbal now whe the smell of DHs loose leaf taunts me.

I'm going to say YABU because I think most people would look at the watery milky concoction that's only been brewed for 27 seconds and think "nah she can't want it like this she must have meant 2.7 minutes"

I'm not one to show off (actually I am) but my boyfriend of just over a year makes a delicious cup of tea despite not even drinking it himself because he's foreign and thinks it's disgusting. His coffee is shite though.

27 seconds is grim as hell. Yabu just for that. 2.5 minutes minimum.

YANBU

Over the 27 years we've been together, my OH has adapted his recipe for me at least 8 times according to whether I'm on or off sugar, milk, want English Breakfast or Yorkshire, what the water temperature should be, etc. He still makes the best tea and does me one morning and night, plus plenty in between (I do it the weekend mornings).

YANBU to expect a good cup of tea but your 27seconds and two sugars drink isn’t tea so you don’t have a leg to stand on.

Aren't tea bags full of micro plastics or something?

I don't drink it, workman have poured my offerings down the sink. How anyone can drink the awful stuff at all is beyond me

Yanbu to want it the way you like it - or something approximately like that!

27 seconds doesn’t sound very long though - are you squashing the tea bag into the side throughout that time?

I like my tea strong but with a reasonable amount of milk - it’s amazing how people equate strong with just a dash of milk and weak with milky.

I personally think sugar in tea is an abomination but it is a matter of personal taste!

Do you make his the way he likes it?

Although, milk first is borderline LTB territory...

YANBU. Do you make him hot drinks? Make them shit.

I had tea at a friend's once, it was fucking vile. I find it amazing how shit someone can make it taste!

27 seconds?! It needs to be steeped for three minutes, and then the bag gently removed with a tea bag squeezer, but only squeezed enough to remove that which is likely to drip, not wrung to death. This will tea bitter. Then a sweet substance if you must, then milk. Just a mere dash.

@gamerchick

Aren't tea bags full of micro plastics or something?

I don't drink it, workman have poured my offerings down the sink. How anyone can drink the awful stuff at all is beyond me

what do you drink all day long instead?

Ideally it should be made in a pot (one bag per person plus one for the pot) and then the milk can go into the cup first (NEVER milk first if it’s mug-made though. My god.)

I don’t use the pot often as it’s gone cold before I can finish it all.