To not say thank you every time...

[Dragonfly202]

My husband takes the bins out. My husband feels the need to tell me every week that he has taken the bins out. He then seems to expect me to say thank you. He even commented on it today. He also feels the need to tell me whenever he has done something like unloaded the dishwasher, put the washing out etc. For context he works away a lot but he does do a fair share of the house work and childcare when home, I work part time with DS in nursery on my work days. I just get frustrated that he just seems to feel the need to tell me each time he’s done one of these tasks and seems to want to be thanked. Am I being unreasonable to think this is frankly ridiculous- I do say thank you once in a while for all he does but not after every task.

I would go with what @SmileyClare said OR, make a list of everything you've done that day / week, and when he tells you proudly about the bins, rattle off your list and look expectantly for thanks at the end .

Perhaps do both...

A sticker chart

Whenever my husband expects huge gratitude for doing a simple chore, I can't help but reel off a ten minute long list of chores I've done in a terse, shouty voice. A sticker chart might be a better option.

I meant to say speak to him like two year old and say ‘good job buddy’ or ‘well done little man’ in a patronising sarcastic way.

Love "Well done little man"

Here we go, man medals..

You just have to tell him Every Single Time you do something in the house and look at him expectantly. Maybe text him if he's not there. He'll soon get the idea and realise how ridiculous he's being.

Owing to illnesses we both do things for each other.
I never now do the bins, but have always thanked whoever does it. It's just acknowledgement of the fact something has been done and good manners. I have been brought up that way. It doesn't hurt or take much to say "Thanks" and it can go a long way.

@SmileyClare

Can you order him a Taking the bins out medal? Once you've presented him with that, it will eradicate the need to give weekly thanks.

You could hang it near the kitchen bins to remind him of his achievements.

My dc’s and i do this for my dh!

When he starts telling us what he’s done expecting a round of applause when we quietly just get on with things, we say....

Just go and polish up a gold medal for dad. Then we present it to him.

It makes us laugh anyway!!

I would just say ‘ok’ then at least you’ve acknowledged it.

We do share stuff here and often say thanks to each other but not every time we do something, and certainly wouldn't get huffy over it - that's ridiculous.

It doesn't hurt or take much to say thanks and it can go a long way I agree, as long as there is recognition on both sides. A mutual thank fest so to speak.

Dh always puts our neighbour's wheelie bin out on the road when he does ours on a Wednesday. He was ridiculously chuffed to receive a note from them in their last Christmas card ; thank you for putting our bins out all year!

Depends

We don't normally mention obvious tasks - it's pretty evident if the dishwasher has been emptied

but whoever takes the bins out tell the other - meaning it's done, no need to go outside again, or to go at the front if you have another rubbish bag
so the other replies "thanks".

Same with diner.

No one expects a medal or a thank you for making the bed or switching on a machine though!

I ask mine if he would like his medal now or later. Always goes down well!

@ItsAllComingBackToMeNow

My DH says, “There you go,” when he’s completed this and similar domestic tasks. I used to say thank you, but then it started to annoy me that he was, subconsciously I think, essentially saying, I’ve done you a favour, and I was thanking him for that. So now I just say, OK, great.

I think my DH would be really mad if I said to him that saying “There you go,” sounds like he thinks he’s doing me a favour. It’s not worth the strop, so I’ve just changed my reaction and that makes me feel better. If he was actually asking me to say thank you, I would have the argument TBH.

I think this sums up where I am. I have been saying thank you automatically for a long time. Then today as I didn’t as I’ve started thinking why and he’s picked up on it. When I pointed out that I don’t tell him everything I do or expect a thank you for each task he kind of got it (well I hope).

Today 08:29 Same4Walls

user1654236589623652
He needs to disabuse himself of the notion that he's doing you some kind of favour by pulling his weight in his own home.
Exactly this. He's asking for thanks because he thinks he is doing you a favour.“

This: maybe show it to him.

@SmileyClare

A sticker chart

Whenever my husband expects huge gratitude for doing a simple chore, I can't help but reel off a ten minute long list of chores I've done in a terse, shouty voice. A sticker chart might be a better option.

Love this!

We say thank you to each other loads, for doing the most inane boring everyday shit, but the point is it goes both ways.

I always thank my dh if he makes me a cup of tea or cooks dinner whilst I have been at work. He will sometimes give me a lie in and I am always thankful for that. I do not thank him for taking out the bins or running a hoover around, they are normal tasks that need to be done and I do them too. This would annoy me too, the need for constant validation is annoying.

@ilikebooksandplants

My partner and I say thanks for doing household tasks if one of us mentions what we have done or if we notice that the other has done a boring but essential household chore. Why wouldn’t you? It’s not exactly troublesome to say ‘thanks for taking the bins out’ or for him to say to me ‘thanks for putting the washing on/doing the washing up etc’.

So do we.

@SmileyClare

Love "Well done little man"

Here we go, man medals..

Love these. Might have to try it if today’s chat hasn’t worked.

Honestly he is a lovely man and does do his fair share round the home, I just don’t want the attitude to sink in that by doing these things he is doing me a favour, even subconsciously. Plus I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that way.

Are you living my life op? There’s a big announcement and sing and dance here too. Like I should be greatful someone did something that benefits everyone but somehow I have to bow and grovel and send a thank you card ! In fact that’s a good idea, I’m going to send him flowers next time he makes a filuxkcing fuss about taking the bin out. Just to show my appreciation

I say thank you for a cup of tea, sandwich, if he cooks dinner. Likewise vice versa because we split it according to who’s busier at the time. There are regular chores that we have both just got on with for over 30 years now, because one of other is better at them, and saying thank you every time would feel a bit daft.

@WisestIsShe

My husband used to do this and I used to reply "good". When I spoke to him about it he said he was just communicating that the job was done so I knew I didn't have to do it and that he certainly didn't expect to be thanked. That made sense to me.

I was just coming on here to say this! My DH does the same! I reply ‘That’s good’. He isn’t asking for thanks, just, as wise says, communicating that it was ticked off our ‘to do list’.

How tedious OP.

He may be lovely but he thinks these are ALL you jobs and he is doing you a favour.

The list is a good idea.
Your irritation will only grown.
He needs to be firmly disabused of this idea.
🙄

My partner and I thank one another for doing things even if they are obvious household tasks- we share the load pretty evenly though, and it's just nice to be kind to one another about it.

However if he doesn't thank you or doesn't pull his weight then that's of course different.

I immediately thought of this Matt cartoon.

images.app.goo.gl/t4VfvopPoteRNSJb6

But I like the idea of a sticker chart too!

When DH (then BF) first moved in he told me he'd emptied the bins & hoovered, like he expected my undying gratitude. I printed a picture of a medal & gave it to him with Ada Muttley impression 'medal, medal, medal'.

It's a running joke now if one of us tidies etc