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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not answer door to neighbour

362 replies

Koalababy · 17/02/2021 08:17

It’s 8 am and neighbour has rung my doorbell twice already. Have no idea what they want but I don’t feel like answering the door. They probably know I’m in which is why they keep ringing the bell but AIBU to ignore until I feel like it?

OP posts:

Loopyloututu · 17/02/2021 11:14

They said "do you know your dog is on the roof?"

Nme8961 · 17/02/2021 11:18

"Just because you want to talk doesnt mean anyone owes it to you (and they definately down owe it to you instantly) and esspecially not if they are busy or just dont want to talk."

Yes, this. It's like when someone rings on the telephone I may answer if I am around and it's a good time, but often it's not so you will need to wait. When I'm in my house at 8AM I may be doing any number of things, including lying in my bed wearing pyjamas and in that case I will not be jumping up and out and scrambling to make myself decent because neighbour has called at my door.

sneakysnoopysniper · 17/02/2021 11:23

Im really not interested in what my neighbours are doing unless it directly affects me. I also have a neighbour who is a PITA and was always whinging. She once hijacked me in the garden, saying that she had tried numerous times when she "knew" I was in. I just told her either I didnt hear her or it "wasnt convenient". I am in my 70s so at my age you can get away with being selectively deaf and short sighted. I dont have or need a hearing aid but they dont know that.

At one time I used to call out through the door - if I didnt like what I heard I simply shouted. " I dont buy at the door - go away".

I now have a small discreet camera affixed over my door and it shows my entire drive. If you knock on my door without an appointment and do not appear to be holding a package for delivery then your chances of my answering are very very low.

SeasonFinale · 17/02/2021 11:26

Oh dear - your neighbour might have been knocking to say there is someone breaking into your car or similar. But hey ho browsing mumsnet is the priority.

Xenia · 17/02/2021 11:30

No legal obligation to open the door.

I do because I get work deliveries almost every day but I certainly don't feel I have to answer the door. Same with the phone - it is a request not a demand.

DianaT1969 · 17/02/2021 11:42

You know those threads where the poster needs to leave their sick child for 20 minutes while they take the others to school? But they don't have any friends, family or neighbours to ask. Well this post is interesting in that the poster might not like this neighbour particularly, but she might need a favour, be in distress or have important news for the poster - such as her car has been broken into, or there are rats in her bin. But the barriers are so firmly up.
Anyone who hasn't got a single neighbour who would help them out in an emergency is really at a disadvantage.

SpeakingFranglais · 17/02/2021 11:44

I just don’t see the point in not answering the door. No point at all.

Bluesheep8 · 17/02/2021 11:46

I just can't work out why, if you hear a knock on the door you wouldn't answer it.

LadyDanburysCane · 17/02/2021 11:55

My postman knocked (well, rang the bell) at 7.20 this morning. I was in bed but still grabbed my dressing gown and went and opened the door - he had a parcel for me which I wasn’t expecting until tomorrow.

I always answer the door after checking through the peephole. If it’s an unknown person knocking with no apparent reason then I will call “through” the door “can I help you”. I would never totally ignore because it COULD be an emergency.

My ex neighbours refused to answer the door to me years and years ago. They eventually had to answer when the fire brigade (we had called them) arrived to put out their burning garage!

BeatricePrior · 17/02/2021 11:56

I wonder what the neighbour wanted.

I am so bored today that I am wondering what someone whose neighbour I don't even know wanted when they knocked.

TeapotCollection · 17/02/2021 11:57

Xenia “it is a request not a demand”

^ this. I won’t open the door until I know who it is and what they want, I stand in the hallway and shout WHO IS IT?

A few months ago someone who my husband knows opened his door and was immediately attacked, putting him in hospital. The attacker just decided he was going to do it and kept knocking on random doors until someone answered. Very unusual but it does happen

LyndaSnellsSniff · 17/02/2021 11:59

Someone once knocked on our door and asked if that was our car outside our house?

"Yes, yes it is..."
"Oh ok, well it’s on fire"

And it was!

EileenGC · 17/02/2021 12:01

@Koalababy

What I’m asking though is whether it’s reasonable not to answer the door even if I’m in. For example I’m WFH and am on calls a lot of the day. I don’t want to answer the door whilst I’m working

I wouldn't answer the door if I was on a call either.

I would, however, answer the door if I was in my kitchen, fully dressed for the day and having a cup of tea. Hardly a disturbance, is it? Unless the neighbour has form for complaining about random things at 7am.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 17/02/2021 12:04

I really want to know what the neighbour wanted now.

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 17/02/2021 12:07

I'd text her.

"Hi Neighbour, D(S,D,H,Cat,Dog) said you knocked earlier. We are quarantining so I won't knock on. What's the matter?'

2ndtimemum2 · 17/02/2021 12:09

I need to know why she was at the door!!!

SteveBrexit · 17/02/2021 12:11

@SpeakingFranglais

I just don’t see the point in not answering the door. No point at all.

you can't understand that people can be busy, or just can't be bothered to get up, get dressed or interrupting whatever they are doing?

SteveBrexit · 17/02/2021 12:12

@SeasonFinale

Oh dear - your neighbour might have been knocking to say there is someone breaking into your car or similar. But hey ho browsing mumsnet is the priority.

I have a better view of my cars than my neighbours, I am sure I would notice first 😂

SilverBirchWithout · 17/02/2021 12:12

@viques

I saw this thread a couple of times and thought, d’you know what, I’m not going to post on it.

Me too ...

LimitIsUp · 17/02/2021 12:13

I'd also be disinclined to answer the door at 8 am

When you find out what the neighbour wanted do let us know

MaudesMum · 17/02/2021 12:22

I'm so bloody bored at the moment that I'd rush to answer the door.

MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere · 17/02/2021 12:22

It's too early to knock before 8, unless it's an emergency, and since you know the neighbour, aren't friendly with them, and have no reason to expect them to contact you with anything truly important, I'd probably be annoyed that they'd bothered me so early in the day. I'd be curious what it was about, but I might make them wait for my attention, if I had reason to dislike them.

SilverBirchWithout · 17/02/2021 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LimitIsUp · 17/02/2021 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere · 17/02/2021 12:35

I don't think it's unhealthy to prefer to engage with people on your own terms. Someone knocking at a door is requesting or even demanding the owners time. The owner isn't obliged to give it, and they are at least a few completely valid reasons they may not wish to do so.

Posting to MN (to random strangers) is something I'm initiating myself. It's not an imposition, and I control when I do it, how much I share, when it ends, etc. All without having to get up from my chair or consider whether or not I'm presentable. The two things could hardly be more different, imo.

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