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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable or is she a CF.

71 replies

Onedrinktoomany2 · 16/02/2021 23:18

Hey !

I lent my sibling 100.00 due to a family situation via bank transfer.
The same week, I had an issue where I could not draw out money - I did have money it was just I couldn’t access it until the next morning. Our relative gave me 30.00 in cash and I said I would transfer it over but they said don’t worry about it but could you transfer sibling 20.00 as she paid for a taxi ( the day with the whole family issue a( why I sent over 100 ) which he also benefited from and said he would repay her half but wasn’t good at the whole internet banking. I didn’t tell the relative I had lent the money and just kept the 30.00 as in my head I had actually already paid for that taxi as it was my money that had paid for it.
Anyway I didn’t do the transfer but later on was contacted by sibling to ask for the money for the taxi as she was told I would be transferring it over which I’m very confused about.

AIBU ?

OP posts:

Sapho47 · 17/02/2021 01:14

Sis owes you 80
You owe relative 10
?

Sapho47 · 17/02/2021 01:19

"But the OP gave the sibling a gift not a loan .....complications...."

No she didn't she lent them the money however the op is clearly not an idiot and so knows with nothing written they have no legal comeback with a family member so its all moot the terminology you use.

I lend money to family but I don't ask for it back just wait for it to be returned. It would be weird to ask, be weirder if it didn't get returned though.

Original poster

Onedrinktoomany2 · 17/02/2021 01:24

@DeRigueurMortis no rules were broken can answer that much.
Although they may have broken a rule getting a taxi together I’m not sure haha

OP posts:

DeRigueurMortis · 17/02/2021 01:28

[quote Onedrinktoomany2]@DeRigueurMortis no rules were broken can answer that much.
Although they may have broken a rule getting a taxi together I’m not sure haha[/quote]

Yet another plot twist....

Goodness me this is building....

What did the taxi driver have to say?

wirldsgonemad · 17/02/2021 01:38

I think you are being unfair by bringing your other relative into the issue between you and sibling.

SqeakyHindge · 17/02/2021 01:52

@Oysterbabe

Take the fox first, go back for the chicken, leave the fox on the other side. Take the grain... No wait.

Off to look for another thread to post that

Voted ynbu because I just felt like needed to be on op side

expat101 · 17/02/2021 02:39

give the 30 pounds back to the person who lent it to you. Let them deal with your sibling and whatever arrangement they had together.

Then either or not, ask for your 100 pound back from your sibling if it was lent to her to help out. If a gift, then everyone is square.

CoffeeRunner · 17/02/2021 02:52

You need Judge Rinder.

DeRigueurMortis · 17/02/2021 03:02

@CoffeeRunner

You need Judge Rinder.

😂😂😂

ShopoholicIn · 17/02/2021 03:08

OP I thibk your sister is being unreasonable. Even if this 100 pounds was a gift it was for the taxi journey that she has shafted with the relative and the relative has asked you to pass on the 20 pounds to your sis. I thibk best is to discuss with the relative and sister as well, you need not transfer 20 pounds to sister but let both know your reason, and transfer the extra 10 pounds to your relative as they had lent you 30 pounds.

WhirlingGerbil · 17/02/2021 03:14

@DeRigueurMortis

Congrats on your privilege.

No fucking clue either.

DeRigueurMortis · 17/02/2021 03:29

[quote WhirlingGerbil]@DeRigueurMortis

Congrats on your privilege.

No fucking clue either. [/quote]

WhirlingGerbil · 17/02/2021 03:38

Yes, that emoji says it all,
Margot.

BlackCatShadow · 17/02/2021 04:00

What just happened?

Shoxfordian · 17/02/2021 07:07

So you gave your sister 100 with no expectation of it being returned and then your relative gave you 30 quid and asked you to give 20 to your sister so you should have just transferred it over.

You really shouldn’t call it a loan if you don’t expect repayment

Shelby2010 · 17/02/2021 07:25

So you gave/lent sister the money for a taxi for specific event (possibly a funeral given that’s all that’s allowed right now?). However DS then charged a relative for sharing said taxi. Effectively making a profit on the day. So DS should have told relative that you had already paid for the taxi & to give the money to you.
DS is officially a CF.

Moondust001 · 17/02/2021 07:43

It's simple - what happened "in your head" isn't relevant. Did you use your mouth to explain why you weren't doing what you were asked to do? No matter what your very good reason might be, you needed to use your mouth and explain it. Since it appears you didn't then yes, you are being unreasonable.

Okokokbear · 17/02/2021 07:46

I think it's complicated by the fact op isn't expecting the 100 back.

So she is thinking of the 20 as offsetting the siblings debt. I think if you're going to do this you should have confirmed this with your sibling.

Also why did you give 100 of the taxi is just 30? Is your sibling in profit or did they have other expenses?

christmasathomeagain · 17/02/2021 08:03

@Moondust001

This is actually the crux of the issue.

I think whether you or your sister are cf depends on how 'lending' money has gone in the past.

Is it common to 'lend' but effectively give each other money? Or is this the first time? If you do often give money is it a one way street or do you usually give to her but she not to you?

The way the elderly relative seems happy for you not to return the £30, albeit they think £20 if it is repaying a debt makes me think in your family it is normal to ask to borrow money but neither the gifter or giftee expects the money to be returned.

If this is the case then whatever your sister spent the money on and no matter how much her day was subed by others it was her money (or did you ask for the change from the day?), what would have happened if the relative paid for the taxi so sis just had the £20 left? Anyway, if above is the status quo then you were a bit of a cf to keep the money.

If this is the first time you have lent money or money is usually paid back and you were just baring in mind you are not overly bothered if that was the outcome then of course it's sensible to keep the £20 towards the loan but as above - you should have discussed with your sister and not just quietly kept the money.

MyLittleOrangutan · 17/02/2021 08:49

So when people borrow money off you they dont have to pay it back. But when you borrow money off someone else you do have to pay it back? Think you need to grow a pair and ask for your money back OP.

if you've given 20 to your sister on behalf of your mum. You owe your mum 10 and your sister owes you 100.

NewScone · 17/02/2021 08:54

I think if you are going to lend someone money but really you know you are gifting it then you should make this clear. Otherwise the person you are lending it to might thinking you want it paid back.

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