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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable or is she a CF.

71 replies

Onedrinktoomany2 · 16/02/2021 23:18

Hey !

I lent my sibling 100.00 due to a family situation via bank transfer.
The same week, I had an issue where I could not draw out money - I did have money it was just I couldn’t access it until the next morning. Our relative gave me 30.00 in cash and I said I would transfer it over but they said don’t worry about it but could you transfer sibling 20.00 as she paid for a taxi ( the day with the whole family issue a( why I sent over 100 ) which he also benefited from and said he would repay her half but wasn’t good at the whole internet banking. I didn’t tell the relative I had lent the money and just kept the 30.00 as in my head I had actually already paid for that taxi as it was my money that had paid for it.
Anyway I didn’t do the transfer but later on was contacted by sibling to ask for the money for the taxi as she was told I would be transferring it over which I’m very confused about.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Bootskates · 16/02/2021 23:43

Ooh that changes things then if the £100 was a gift... I would probably just pay the other relative back the £30 and let them and sibling sort it out between themselves if they had previously agreed to split the cost of the taxi and you arent actually expecting any money back off sibling

Love51 · 16/02/2021 23:43

Hamlet act 1 scene 3. 75-77.
She's definitely a CF.
You might also being a teeny bit unreasonable, but not on her scale.

Original poster
Onedrinktoomany2 · 16/02/2021 23:45

@Bootskates yeh I think it was because there were not going to see eachother and he doesn’t have online banking.
It’s fine I have now sent it over to sibling. But also paid full for the taxi not half what I was told originally 🤣

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 16/02/2021 23:45

[quote Onedrinktoomany2]@Bootskates I would never expect it back they know that.[/quote]
So you didn't expect the £100 back?

Gift not a loan?

Umm another cunning change of parameters methinks Hmm.

On which basis you owe your sibling the £20 but but but they are "up" £120 and you are stuffed by both relatives (one inadvertently).

It's too late for this my brain is going to 🤯

Original poster
Onedrinktoomany2 · 16/02/2021 23:46

Intend ! Sorry it’s way past my bedtime !

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 16/02/2021 23:47

[quote Onedrinktoomany2]@gobbynorthernbird I haven’t asked for the money back and don’t attend to.[/quote]
Well, in that case it wasn't a loan so don't say you lent it. If you've given your sister £100, and your other relative has asked you to pass on the taxi money, then you have effectively stolen that money.

DeRigueurMortis · 16/02/2021 23:47

Upshot - yes your sibling is a CF Grin

Original poster
Onedrinktoomany2 · 16/02/2021 23:47

@DeRigueurMortis sorry 🙈🙈
Yes I mean I said I would lend but we all knew I wouldn’t ask for it back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onedrinktoomany2 · 16/02/2021 23:49

@gobbynorthernbird because they I did lend it it’s just it’s family and I wouldn’t ask for it back neither would they pay it back.
It’s just how it’s asked at first.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 16/02/2021 23:49

@DeRigueurMortis I was looking at it as the sis had £100, but was £20 down for other relatives taxi. The OP passes on that £20, bringing DSis back to £100, which then gets repaid to OP as and when agreed.

MissMarpleDarling · 16/02/2021 23:50

Your siblings a CF.

MissMarpleDarling · 16/02/2021 23:51

Can't believe they would even ask seeing as you leant them £100. Rude much.

Original poster
Onedrinktoomany2 · 16/02/2021 23:51

But the day the momey I gave was specifically for that day due to the circumstances and wanting to make sure they could get there and back and have a easy day.
It was not for her to use for any other reason than that day.

OP posts:
Ijustknowitstimetogo · 16/02/2021 23:52

Umm another cunning change of parameters methinks

That’s hilarious 😂

Nanuki · 17/02/2021 00:05

You relative owes your sister 20 pounds.

You owe you relative 30 pounds.

Your sister owes you 100 pounds.

Dont complicate it and cause an argument.

Whythesadface · 17/02/2021 00:08

Easy.
Hi Sis.
You know the £100 I lent you to pay for all the family day out and the Taxi home/
Well X gave me £20 to pay towards the taxi so going to keep the £20,
Hope you had a great time.

passtheorange · 17/02/2021 00:28

I get it OP.

Your sibling owes you 100. Other relative lends you 30 and instead of paying them back, they say they owe sibling 20 so can you pay it to them instead. Instead of paying sibling the 20, you have kept it and deducted it from the 100 they owe you.

Simple.

By the way, you still owe the other relative 10. So why don't you suggest your sibling sends them 10 and gives you 70? That should confuse the pair of them for weeks.

HovercraftFullOfEels · 17/02/2021 00:34

@passtheorange

I get it OP.

Your sibling owes you 100. Other relative lends you 30 and instead of paying them back, they say they owe sibling 20 so can you pay it to them instead. Instead of paying sibling the 20, you have kept it and deducted it from the 100 they owe you.

Simple.

By the way, you still owe the other relative 10. So why don't you suggest your sibling sends them 10 and gives you 70? That should confuse the pair of them for weeks.

This exactly. A quick chat would have sorted it all out.
katy1213 · 17/02/2021 00:38

But can get to CF by only moving three matchsticks?

Nith · 17/02/2021 00:49

It took a little careful reading, but the OP seems perfectly clear to me. I suppose that ideally you would have told your sibling that other relative had asked you to transfer £20 but you weren't proposing to do so as she already had £100 of yours, so if you ever asked for repayment she would then only have to transfer £80 back to you. But she can't grumble that you haven't sent her £20 on top of the £100.

Anyway, I suggest you make an almighty vow not to give or lend your sibling any money in the future.

SilverBirchWithout · 17/02/2021 00:52

I think you’ve over confused the issue and shouldn’t have involved other relative in this problem. Get £100 back from sibling, transfer £20 to sibling (on behalf of relative), pay relative back £10.
No transaction is dependent on the receipt of another.

By not paying £20 to sibling on behalf of relative you have not fulfilled their wishes and put them in an embarrassing position. Your loan to sibling is a totally separate issue.

Chloemol · 17/02/2021 00:57

So just tell you sibling no, and can she transfer back to you £80 so the other £20 of the £100 is hers from the relative

BlackCatShadow · 17/02/2021 01:01

I don't get why you wouldn't ask for it back because they are family and you wouldn't do that, but they are happy to ask for less money to be transferred, even though you are also family. These things should work both ways else you are being a mug.

DeRigueurMortis · 17/02/2021 01:01

@SilverBirchWithout

I think you’ve over confused the issue and shouldn’t have involved other relative in this problem. Get £100 back from sibling, transfer £20 to sibling (on behalf of relative), pay relative back £10. No transaction is dependent on the receipt of another.

By not paying £20 to sibling on behalf of relative you have not fulfilled their wishes and put them in an embarrassing position. Your loan to sibling is a totally separate issue.

But the OP gave the sibling a gift not a loan .....complications....

I think this would be a good talk show segment...

There's so much to think about.

Who owes what, whose a CF, who understands maths etc etc

Should they maybe make a charity donation? We've got £130 in the pot - which charity?

Also whose getting a taxi in lockdown???

HAVE THE RULES BEEN BROKEN 😡.

Should the money go towards a fine?

Goodness I'm quite lightheaded now... the implications are endless

SilverBirchWithout · 17/02/2021 01:11

Seriously, a gift?
It’s even less an issue than I thought!
Surely a gift is given with no obligation? What on earth is the problem?
OP is definitely the CF for not transferring the £20.

Why do people make their lives so complicated - how did they cope in the real world before lockdown?