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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did you make friends on mat leave?

45 replies

Racoonworld · 16/02/2021 22:59

I’ve really struggled to make any friends on mat leave. I’m not great at making friends generally and also all the lockdown restrictions have made it difficult. I’ve tried, and have met a couple of mums who I get on with but they aren’t having the same days off as me when I start back at work. I feel like I’ve failed my baby, she won’t have any baby friends. It’s the one thing I wanted to do and I couldn’t do it. Did you make friends on mat leave or is it possible to make friends later? I’m getting myself upset about it.

OP posts:
Disco91 · 16/02/2021 23:00

I’d like to know this too... I’m on my second maternity leave and still no mum friends!

OwlinaTree · 16/02/2021 23:02

I did, with the first baby, not so much the second. I went back to work full time though.

timeforanother1 · 16/02/2021 23:02

You'll still make some.
I made a handful of new close friends on mat leave and we don't have the same days off but still keep in contact, and after lockdown there's always weekends (if you don't work them).

If you find a baby class for your days off after lockdown you'll also make friends there.

If your baby is starting at nursery you'll probably make friends there too 😊

Original poster
Racoonworld · 16/02/2021 23:03

@OwlinaTree

I did, with the first baby, not so much the second. I went back to work full time though.
Did you stay friends with them if you went full time?
OP posts:
Original poster
Racoonworld · 16/02/2021 23:04

@timeforanother1

You'll still make some. I made a handful of new close friends on mat leave and we don't have the same days off but still keep in contact, and after lockdown there's always weekends (if you don't work them).

If you find a baby class for your days off after lockdown you'll also make friends there.

If your baby is starting at nursery you'll probably make friends there too 😊

That’s encouraging, I was hoping to join a baby class when they’re back on but was worried everyone would already know each other
OP posts:
DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 16/02/2021 23:04

I only made friends because I did an NCT course and we met up multiple times a week, this was years ago, before lock down.
I would expect most new mums would have found it impossible, you've been in a very hard position and I fully sympathise with you.

When you go back, and we're allowed to do nice things again, go to baby cafes or local playgroups on your days off and you will slowly start to see the same people every week.

Hope you find some other mums, there will be plenty out there that feel the same.

Original poster
Racoonworld · 16/02/2021 23:05

@OwlinaTree

I did, with the first baby, not so much the second. I went back to work full time though.
It’s so hard to make friends! I almost want to put an ad out saying mum friends on a Thursday please Grin
OP posts:
853ax · 16/02/2021 23:05

Well you baby go to crèche or child minder with other children?
I didn't make friends during maternity, went to SureStart baby groups had some chit chat during that time which I welcomed & enjoyed but didn't meet up with those people outside of groups.
My children went to crèche. They had some 'friends' from 0-4 after a year or two school they have little to no memory of these 'friends' so no need to worry about your child having friends.
Obviously you need friends but do you have pre maternity leave friends you can chat with ?

Stinkywizzleteets · 16/02/2021 23:05

I never made any real life friends despite going to groups but did meet a group of women on mn with whom I’ve been through the mat leave and return to life journey.

I did speak to a couple of people at the groups but none of them had any interest in socialising after the group.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/02/2021 23:05

Don’t be so hard on yourself, this has been a crap year. Babies don’t really need baby friends. If you go to the park/soft play/toddler activities on your days off (covid permitting), she will have company. Don’t worry about the incompatible days off, see if you can nurture the relationships you’ve started to build. Not everyone wants to spend every hour of the weekend with their partner. You may get to meet friends when she starts school.

OwlinaTree · 16/02/2021 23:05

Sorry, should say best advice if you want to make mum friends is look out for people at groups who are not the Queen Bee types who seem to know everyone. They will be lovely people but will already have loads of mates so won't be that bothered about making a new friendship. Try to get chatting to quieter people who also seem to not know as many people. Hopefully one or two will be like minded and interested in a friendship.

89redballoons · 16/02/2021 23:06

I was on mat leave for 7 months between November 2019 and June 2020. By the time I'd got my bearings, worked out how to leave the house with the baby and the pram and the changing bag all packed, and got over my fear of breastfeeding in public, lockdown started. So no, I didn't make mum friends.

I've got a few friends with kids a year or two older than mine, and am in touch with a couple of people from NCT on WhatsApp, but it's a bit half hearted considering we can't really meet. I'm hoping that when my DS starts nursery later on, he and I will make more friends!

sandgrown · 16/02/2021 23:07

I made friends at mum and toddler group. Our children are in their forties now and we are still friends. On my last maternity leave I used to chat to a lady at baby clinic. She asked me to meet up just as I returned to work !

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/02/2021 23:07

Yes with my first. But tbh the friends I stayed in touch with I made once I’d gone back part time. So you’ve got time!

OwlinaTree · 16/02/2021 23:07

I have stayed in touch with the mum friends, we chat on WhatsApp and meet in school hols, occasional weekend keys, birthdays etc.

OnlyToWin · 16/02/2021 23:09

Made some great friends on mat leave as would go to the opening of an envelope with my baby in the early days! We were really close for a time until the children started different schools and we naturally drifted apart but I still remember the fun times we had with happiness. It must be so hard at the moment because of all the restrictions, it was much easier when all the groups were running.

TheSpottedZebra · 16/02/2021 23:11

It’s so hard to make friends! I almost want to put an ad out saying mum friends on a Thursday please

Isnt there an app for exactly this? Is it Bump? Either way, totally normal.

notacooldad · 16/02/2021 23:12

No I didn't make new friends on mat leave or otherwise.
I never took my babies to the 'mother and baby sessions as they were called.
Over the years I have made new friends and still got the old ones but they didn't have babies.
You've certainly not failed as a mum because your baby hasn't got ' baby friends'
It’s the one thing I wanted to do and I couldn’t do it that sounds a bit dramatic!

ButtonMoonPie · 16/02/2021 23:13

Lots with my first but that wasn't in lockdown. Mixture of NCT friends and baby group friends. I have also made quite a few friends with nursery mums.
I'm naturally shy but just forced myself to start chatting and also suggested going for tea and cake / a walk after baby groups so that it became more of a friendship than just polite chit chat. The fear of rejection was there but most people are in the same boat and people generally said yes!

Am pregnant again and expecting it to be a bit different this time round.

TheSpottedZebra · 16/02/2021 23:13

Ok not bump. Try Mush. And Peanut.

Diddumz · 16/02/2021 23:14

Not really... I went to antenatal, baby massage and met up a few times with the mums from those groups. I didn't make any lasting friendships, though.

I did enjoy going to toddler groups but, again, made no lasting friendships.

Original poster
Racoonworld · 16/02/2021 23:14

@TheSpottedZebra

Ok not bump. Try Mush. And Peanut.
Thank you, I’ll try these!
OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 16/02/2021 23:15

Also, babies don't really have friends. Not yet.

ButtonMoonPie · 16/02/2021 23:15

Would also add - I was keen to make friends for myself so that I'd have people to meet up with / message with daft baby related questions.
You don't need to worry about your baby having baby friends. They'll naturally make their own friends as they grow - and probably won't want to be friends with the kids of your friends!

JaneNorman · 16/02/2021 23:16

First mat leave I saw friends from NCT fairly regularly. But I went back to work first and was the only one to go back FT so whilst they still hung out I could never join them. For a while we occasionally met for dinner but that stopped when they all had baby 2 around the same time. I guess because they could easily meet up in the day in the week and I couldn’t.

When I had baby 2 I didn’t start to make any mum friends until DC2 went back to nursery after lockdown 1. I was still on mat leave so could get coffee with them after drop off. I’d still only class them as acquaintances really though. Haven’t had chance to make friends with any of the school mums since DC1 started reception, current environment doesn’t really allow for that.

I’m not bothered. I have plenty of other friends. Maybe in time some of the school mums will become friends but it’s not something I will force.

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