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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did you make friends on mat leave?

45 replies

Racoonworld · 16/02/2021 22:59

I’ve really struggled to make any friends on mat leave. I’m not great at making friends generally and also all the lockdown restrictions have made it difficult. I’ve tried, and have met a couple of mums who I get on with but they aren’t having the same days off as me when I start back at work. I feel like I’ve failed my baby, she won’t have any baby friends. It’s the one thing I wanted to do and I couldn’t do it. Did you make friends on mat leave or is it possible to make friends later? I’m getting myself upset about it.

OP posts:

JamMakingWannaBe · 16/02/2021 23:17

Yes, but we lost / dropped contact when everyone went back to work. My best mum friends I met through nursery when the kids started having Birthday parties from 3yo. Even though our kids are now at different schools we still meet up - subject to the rules.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 16/02/2021 23:18

I made one friend, had dd 19 years ago, so she's basically an old friend these days and part of the family!
I feel very lucky, she was a lifesaver at the time and we are still close now.

Oldat40 · 16/02/2021 23:18

No but tbh I don't really want to as most other mums with babies have a much smaller gap than my three so tend to be at different stages in life if that makes sense? Mine are 8 months, 10 years and 13 years.
So the chances of finding someone local with similar aged children are sadly pretty slim.
Being an older mum (40) it definitely feels very lonely at times.

Thistles24 · 16/02/2021 23:21

I made one mum-friend with each child- 1st from ante-natal classes, 2nd a friend of a friend and 3rd was in the bed next to me when we had our babies. Still so close to them all over a decade on.
This year must have been so hard to meet people as a new mum. Will you be working Mon-Fri, 9-5? I’d keep on with the WhatsApp group, as restrictions ease people are bound to want to see different faces!
A couple of months ago I saw a woman post on our local Facebook page that she was expecting her first and would love to meet anyone at a similar stage for a walk or coffee- she got a huge response! Might be worth considering!
Also, for what it’s worth, DC1 and my friends child barely exchanged a word for the 3 years we were meeting up, and then went to different nurseries and schools. The mum friends were definitely benefited me more than them, so don’t feel you’ve failed your child

Ginevere · 16/02/2021 23:22

Was also going to suggest peanut OP! I’ve been on it a month and already WhatsApp 6 new mum ‘friends’. Lots of daily messaging, comparing scan notes and plans to meet up for walks and coffee once lockdown is over/babies are born.

Hankunamatata · 16/02/2021 23:23

Nope. 3 maternity leaves and didnt make any new friends.

Hankunamatata · 16/02/2021 23:23

Made more when kids started pre school

CassandrasCastle · 16/02/2021 23:24

You haven't failed your baby! Come on, that's so over dramatic 🙈 I'm on mat leave atm, and have made a few friends through NCT and also my work antenatal group. I've also used Peanut recently and would recommend it - have met 2 really lovely really women through it. However, I have to say I'm doing it all for me really...it's nice that DD gets to grin in the direction of another baby every couple of days, but she's honestly not that bothered I don't think

CassandrasCastle · 16/02/2021 23:25

Oh, and I definitely found Peanut better than Mush

ChickenNugget86 · 16/02/2021 23:29

I was hoping to make some new friends as I don't have many, but it's been impossible during lockdown. My son is 10 months now and I've spent most my mat leave stuck indoors. I try and go for a walk every day but hardly seen anyone! He's not even met a health visitor!
No baby groups have been running near me, they were going to start but the rule of 6 came in so they got cancelled.. I know it's not the end of the world but it would have been nice to rant to other new mum's about sleep deprivation/baby poos/what nappies to use just the normal chit chat. Feel like I've had no one and been so alone.

People keep saying to me that I'll be able to do these things in the future like take my son swimming and attend baby groups, but I'm going back to work soon so won't really be able too.. Feel like my mat leave has been robbed a bit.

I did try a baby mum group called peanut but found it quite brutal with the swiping. Would talk to a few women on it but they never really replied. Not had much luck. I'd give anything just to have one decent friend

DeRigueurMortis · 16/02/2021 23:29

No. I went to a few baby groups and frankly didn't like it - just making small talk with random people I had little in common with.

I really only started "connecting" with other mothers when DS went to nursery and then school.

Met some very lovely women and also some I've struggled to shake off over the years as well 😂

APurpleSquirrel · 16/02/2021 23:46

Yes I've made mum friends on both my maternity leaves.
With DD we did NCT, & our group was very close fir the first year but drifted after we all returned to work. However one of the mums has become one of my best friends, & our DDs are best friends too even though they go to separate schools. We attended lots of the same groups together & the girls went to nursery together too.
At DD nursery I met another mum friend who's daughter is also now one of my DDs best friends, & they also had another baby within weeks of me having my second (DS).
We didn't do NCT for DS pregnancy, so on mat leave I went to lots of groups & made two close friends through that. Our children are friends (insomuch as nearly 3year olds can have friends) & we meet up each week on our one shared day off (preCovid) or currently do Zoom baking together & chat.
I can't imagine having a new born atm - it must be so hard. The groups were a lifeline to me & many others. Hopefully they'll start up soon & you can meet some new people.
As others have said, you do need to put yourself out there, strike up conversations, eavesdrop a little to find out if you have things in common etc. And remember most of them probably feel the same - don't know anyone & just want to talk to an adult for a bit!

MissMarpleDarling · 17/02/2021 00:21

I did, met them at baby groups. Didn't stay close but would say hi. When my son started secondary school I spotted a few of them there picking up their children on the transition day and it was like we just blinked and they were big. Was nice seeing them there.

garlicwhorl · 17/02/2021 00:22

Babies don’t need friends

StarsShiningUpAboveYou · 17/02/2021 00:26

I met a lot of mummy friends at baby/toddler group and we're still friends 5 years on. One I am very close too & when I moved out of the area I met her in, we promised to stay in touch & 3.5years on we are still close.

As soon as the baby groups open, get yourself down there. 😊

StarsShiningUpAboveYou · 17/02/2021 00:28

@garlicwhorl

Babies don’t need friends

Of course they do. Particularly if they don't have siblings. How else will they learn to socialise/share etc..

5foot5 · 17/02/2021 00:36

Well, firstly bad luck! This is a really bad time to be doing this.
I did make friends at that time. The local hospital had a pre natal class that ran for about 6 weeks and there was about 12 of us on it. (small town)

At the last class one of the women collected everyone's phone number. She instigated meet ups a few weeks after we had all given birth. About 8 to 9 of us responded and then continued to see each other for months. It was a really useful support group actually

TallulahSkye · 17/02/2021 00:49

I'd definitely recommend mush, I've met 2 friends on there so far. Best of luck!

SquarePeggyLeggy · 17/02/2021 00:55

No Mum friends made when they were babies (I have 3). I was really lonely and upset. I’ve made some nursery Mum friends, the kids have totally forgotten about each other, but we still meet! Baby friends aren’t really necessary in my experience.

gnashingsalt · 17/02/2021 01:16

@StarsShiningUpAboveYou toddlers, yes. Babies aren’t even aware of their own hands, they definitely don’t need friends

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