To basically say goodbye to career progression?

[Merryoldgoat]

I’ve posted about this in various guises before. But things have moved on a little and I think I have to accept I’ve reached my limit career-wise.

I’m a Finance Manager (part qual) with a middling salary for accountancy (£50k fte). I worked three days per week for a while and I’ve just moved up to 4 in the last year.

I like my job but I find it quite easy and not especially challenging except for when I get projects to run which is sporadic.

But. My children. I have two sons, older is 8 with HFA and the younger is 3 just starting on the pathway - severe speech delay and I’ll be shocked if he’s not autistic too.

I had the OT assessment through today for older boy’s EHCP and the recommendations are quite full on. No problem. That’s fine. Well do what’s required. He’s fantastic and I’m determined he’ll be ok.

Younger has a SALT assessment Thursday but he’s so much younger that there are years ahead of appointments etc.

Both boys will need our support long-term and it’s safe to say life isn’t what I imagined but much better than it could be. Both boys are very happy, we have family nearby who love us all and are very supportive.

But the boys are our (DH and my) responsibility and I want the best for them.

So the vote I suppose

YABU - you can still progress, finish studies and get a senior finance role thar will challenge you

YANBU - life is not what it might’ve been - be grateful you have a good flexible job that fits around everything you need it to

As a foot note, DH is as involved as I am - his job just pays more and he has the ability to earn a lot more. It makes no sense to cut his work.

I think I’m sitting somewhere in the middle with this. I don’t feel like it’s one or the other, more that you take the well paid, yet less challenging role now and focus on the benefits eg flexible working, reputation, package for long service etc, and then when you’re children are older - particularly your youngest, and you are more sure around ongoing and longer term support you could make the move then to finish your studies and take the next step. Career development doesn’t have to be linear, you have maybe 20+ years left of working, you have plenty of time.

It does make sense to cut his work. It keeps things fair, gives you equal opportunities to progress, and means you don't end up the default parent on a limited income.

Don't be too quick to jump ship from work, or to assume that all the work-compromises fall on your shoulders rather than dh. Plus you have supportive family which counts for an awful lot. Instinct may tell you to drop everything for the kids but a reflective and more reasoned response may serve you better here in the long term.

I’m with you. We’ve been going through a bit of a family crisis over the last couple of years with one of our children being diagnosed and treated for cancer. I am the one that has taken the hit for work, we started off both juggling but it just made sense to have one person consistently at appointments and following through on the treatment. I’m not saying my husband doesn’t know what’s going on, but the intricacies maybe not always.

We found we were both half doing our jobs and seemingly constantly asking for others to cover us, we were in similarly paid roles, but with my maternity leave also due it made sense I took the break. I have since gone back 3 days a week and fit most appointments around my working days.

I think it honestly depends on how flexible your work is. Both of us have to be at work for set hours, there’s no way around it. If you could make up hours in the evenings on the day of an appointment then I think you could probably make it work.

Sorry, that was really long winded

I said YANBU however this is on the condition you bust your absolute ass working late, when the kids are in bed, weekends when DH is there to pick up the slack. If that’s what you want to do then you can certainly succeed, but it’s up to you if thats the type of life you want to live.

You have not reached your limit career wise, use your available free time to complete your studies, whilst keeping your hand in a really good job with great future prospects.

You just have a lot on:

Relatively young kids... 8 and 3
Assessments currently ongoing for both
Part Qualified and so still studying

At the same time, you are relatively well paid given part qualification status
You have flexibility at work
You have supportive family
You have a supportive dh

Sounds like a good position to be in and one you can consolidate in line with your family commitments.

You will find that as the kids grow they will need you more, not less and so get the studies out of the way, to enable you to take the options once you are ready to.

'Well paid flexibility' is what is priceless for many working mothers.

Gosh - that’s an even split!

Thank you for the replies.

DH would happily reduce but both of us being part time would just be too disjointed. As PP says my being the main contact for appointments gives continuity etc and I prefer that to be me as I’m just better at that stuff.

TBH I’m not sure I’m the ‘work every hour’ kind of person. My current job I can basically leave at the office. And I kind of think I’m lucky to have a relatively well paid job that’s as flexible as it is. I can literally text my manager and tell him I need time off the next day for something and it’s zero issue as well as late starts etc. Well paid jobs like that are like hen’s teeth judging from what I read here.

@SerenityFlowers

Don't be too quick to jump ship from work, or to assume that all the work-compromises fall on your shoulders rather than dh. Plus you have supportive family which counts for an awful lot. Instinct may tell you to drop everything for the kids but a reflective and more reasoned response may serve you better here in the long term.

Definitely not giving up work. I love work - I’ve worked in some capacity without a break (other than maternity) since I was 16.

It’s more am I stuck at this level rather than able to progress.

Iv 3 sen children. I dropped to 20 hours as needed the time for all med appointments, picking kids up from school before echp was in place. They are better supported now and I could possibly increase but with so many childcare fails in reluctant to try again. I'm hoping once they are all late teens I may be able to amp career up again.

@alwayslearning789

You have not reached your limit career wise, use your available free time to complete your studies, whilst keeping your hand in a really good job with great future prospects.

You just have a lot on:

Relatively young kids... 8 and 3
Assessments currently ongoing for both
Part Qualified and so still studying

At the same time, you are relatively well paid given part qualification status
You have flexibility at work
You have supportive family
You have a supportive dh

Sounds like a good position to be in and one you can consolidate in line with your family commitments.

You will find that as the kids grow they will need you more, not less and so get the studies out of the way, to enable you to take the options once you are ready to.

'Well paid flexibility' is what is priceless for many working mothers.

Thank you - I’d not thought about that regarding studies. I’ll definitely take that on board.

I'm treading water basically as I dont think my mental health could hold up either

How old are you? I have worked 9 - 9 today with an 11 year old at home and am paid £37k for a 35 hour week. Also a PQ accountant but can't work to rule so think you are on quite a good deal. Maybe wait til kids are older and then re-assess?

@Hankunamatata

That’s really tough and I relate regarding mental health. I have been on ADs for two years for PND and I’m terrified to come off them.

@MollysMummy2010

How old are you? I have worked 9 - 9 today with an 11 year old at home and am paid £37k for a 35 hour week. Also a PQ accountant but can't work to rule so think you are on quite a good deal. Maybe wait til kids are older and then re-assess?

I’m 42 - I work 29 hrs and actual salary is around £37k too.

My job itself is an extremely good deal - I absolutely know that. I normally work 3 long days with a short day bit have switched to 5 short in the latest lockdown for childcare etc.

There is no expectation that I work outside those hours. Also, it’s probably actually a 25 hour week if comparing as I’m paid for lunch.

I’m WFH at the moment and do 9.15 - 2.45.

I am a bit odd for the market though - PQ for a long time but experience outstrips quals by quite a margin so her higher salary than most PQ when looking at part time.

You sound like super woman tbh. If that was me I’d be sticking to what I know as it’s a great salary,

Hadn’t finished.... 4 days is a lot imo and as DC get older it may get more difficult- it may not, but emotionally it might be quite difficult etc.

Good luck with everything

@Merryoldgoat
I didnt find me again until sertraline and good course of cbt. Iv developed a thicker skin. I can't see me ever coming off sertraline.

Fuck no - definitely not a superwoman!!

I’m hoping to implement some software a
Which will allow efficiency savings to take me back down to three days. I’m not sure 4 is sustainable long-term.

@Hankunamatata

Ahhh, I’m also a sertraline convert and had some CBT - we must be kindred spirits.

@Merryoldgoat
Most definitely. Your dilemma is that facing most sen mums if they have a career. Iv accepted I'm treading water for my own sanity. I wont lie and say I'm not tempted to start getting my further professional qualifications but again iv paused that for time being.

Before you mentioned the ADs I'd have said it's fine to tread water, but if you find it gets boring or you struggle with concentration then look to change something before you rust out/burn out.

With ADs you need to be extra careful that you are not taking on too much. Mental health is so critical to keeping working and many people don't realise that until it's too late. We are a one income family at the moment. I never thought I'd say that but both of us trying to hold down professional jobs just became untenable.

@Randomness12

I think I’m sitting somewhere in the middle with this. I don’t feel like it’s one or the other, more that you take the well paid, yet less challenging role now and focus on the benefits eg flexible working, reputation, package for long service etc, and then when you’re children are older - particularly your youngest, and you are more sure around ongoing and longer term support you could make the move then to finish your studies and take the next step. Career development doesn’t have to be linear, you have maybe 20+ years left of working, you have plenty of time.

I agree with this

I would just add to @Randomness12 's point above that the autism might complicate that a bit. I have found it almost impossible to get all-day childcare for an autistic secondary aged child. It is much easier when they are younger and you can get mainstream places, with or without supplementary SEND funding, plus of course wraparound childcare tends to dry up when they leave primary. I believe special schools often run provision but if your child is "too able" to be in that system but not up to being home alone all day when their peers are, it can be quite tricky.

I think in every job there are parts which are uninteresting and unchallenging. No job is perfect and exciting all of the time.

From what you’ve said so far, your job actually sounds like a good deal. You earn well for being PQ and PT, have a supportive manager and flexibility in your role. You have even said yourself that you want a good work/life balance.

I understand about feeling mentally understimulated though and I wonder whether some kind of distance learning is possible to pursue in your free time?

It sounds like your job is ideal in many ways, and you seem to like it for the most part.

Is the main reason you want to progress in the job to have more of a challenge?

One consideration might be to find something different than your job that you find satisfying and challenging, that you can combine with your home/child related work. There is sometimes an assumption paid work is the only place to find satisfaction through achievement, but it really doesn't have to be.

And nothing is for sure - you might find if you carry on with education PT, or get involved in something else, you have more time than you think and it can become career related somehow. No need to map it all out now.