To ask how to stop faffing

[Sbowiegirl]

I take forever to get ready or do anything. I’m quite slow at doing anything practical, and struggle with concentration, and am very uncoordinated.

In my job (project management); I work round this by separating “planning” and “doing”, and have very detailed to do lists to keep me on track.

But getting myself and my son (5) to go anywhere is a nightmare. We have a childcare bubble with my friend, and had her son (also 5) with us while she was working: he got ready in less than a minute. My son and I were still trying to get out 30 minutes later.

It seems like my son takes after me in the faffing. The only reason he gets to school on time is that DH does the mornings while I start work early.

Any tips to help me with my own faffing, and my sons faffing

No idea sorry. I’m a chronic faffer and procrastinator. I’ve got suspected ADHD if that helps. I think that has something to do with it in my case.

• Organise and set stuff out the night before, or bulk do it in advance, like setting out five outfits for the week on a Sunday evening.
• Write out a tick list morning routine for you and your son (with realistic timings).
• Set a timer; aim to be ready by the end of it.
• Have a home for everything so you're not faffing about looking for stuff.

@Popc0rn good tips! I’ll try these!!
I’m baffled how my husband manages to put up with me tbh

Do exactly what you do for work, but for home.

Set out a task list for generic situations "school morning", "swimming", "weekend outibf" etc etc for the situations you typically need to be ready for.

Not down the tasks involved, any preplanning that would be useful and print off, laminate and put somewhere handy alongside a dry erase marker type pen.

The night before, assess what you're doing the next day, consult the appropriate list.

The list may include getting ready, packing bag (add specifics), doing packed lunch etc. Add time markers and an ultimate deadline to the laminated list.

So, you're meeting a friend for swimming at 10am so your final deadline is 9.30am to leave the house.
Which means you add a wake up 8am deadline, finish breakfast 8.45 deadline, clothes on and teeth brushed 9.15 deadline, you pack the swim bag the night before, you set out clothes the night before. You have built in a 15 minute cushion to get yourselves into the car and you leave at 9.30.

Rinse and repeat.

I’m mortified to have to ask for these tips. I have checklists for doing housework and everything. And when I started finishing work at a reasonable time after years of long hours, DH wrote me a list of things to do when I got home before him and DS (things like, dry dishes, put oven on, put breakfast dishes in dishwasher, put food in oven). I don’t know how everyone else seems to do everything without thinking about it

You just have to get the job done- be realistic, how long does it actually take to get a 5 year old dressed- 3 minutes, hair brush, teeth brush 7 minutes then done- so it’s a 10 minute job so time yourself not to go over 15. Maybe break things down like that to help what time it should take compared to how long it takes you and then work from there?

Also, get everything ready before bed, that’s a standard given.

Good luck

Oh god OP don't be embarrassed to have to ask, we all have things we are great at and things we are not so great at...... I am great at providing advice and less great at follow through

Seriously though, you're trying and that's all anyone can ask!

Do you mean you don’t see the dirty dishes or that the dishwasher needs changing and you don’t realise the time so forget to put the oven in and food in it?

What are you thinking about to loose practical sight and the time of the day? Are you a day dreamer? If so, try limiting that to evenings only.

What is it that you "faff" with? Are you ending up daydreaming and procrastinating, or is it getting distracted and doing jobs that aren't the ones you need to be focussed on at that time i.e starting to empty the dishwasher/ sorting the recycling when you're already going to be late?

If I have to do one than more action at a time, I struggle to remember what to do, so end up standing trying to remember what to do, and forgetting what I’ve already done and what I’m supposed to be doing next.

Pre lockdown we went away from home often, I would have a list of exactly what to pack for each of us, and what to do before we left the house (ie make sure dishes washed, empty milk from fridge, empty bins etc)

Can do a wall chart with list of tasks to do before going out the door. Move a peg down the edge of the chart as you reach each step. DC could help move the peg!

It doesn’t help that I really struggle with some practical tasks: peeling potatoes, tying shoelaces, putting on clothes.

@SuperbGorgonzola I think it’s a mixture of both!

Have you been assessed for dyspraxia?

Can you ride a bike? Have a sense of direction? Assemble flatpack furniture? Sew?

@lockdownalli my husband has suggested I could have this: I couldn’t tie my school tie. It wound my mum up and we would end up shouting, so my younger brother would do it up for me. I have no sense of direction, and I cannot drive

I can ride a bike, but not very well. Can’t assemble flat pack furniture, I can sew
A badge onto a sash (was a girl guide), but it looks dreadful.

OK so if you struggle with stuff due to dyspraxia you have to factor in more time.. 2 mins instead of 30 secs for shoelaces or whatever. My keys, wallet, mask etc live in my handbag which lives on the stair by the door so I know where those things are. I keep spare socks, gloves, masks and hairbrush in the car for my tweens so when they are dicking about in the morning I can shove them in and they can finish up on the way. I aim to serve dinner around 6 each night but always go into the kitchen at 5, regardless of what I'm cooking (it's never going to take more than that unless it's a roast) so oven goes on at 5. I peel veg, lay stuff on the oven tray or whatever, make myself a drink, fold laundry, empty dishwasher etc.. Basically I'm hiding for an hour but working my way through a list in my head. Other than that, I do stuff for the morning the night before. It's the only way. I loathe being late and it really hacks me off if the kids make us late so I'm drumming it into them that selecting the exact right toy to take has to happen by x time or they go without it.

What are you actually doing when you are ‘faffing’ in the example of taking 30 mins when your friend took 1?
Are you getting distracted and starting other tasks rather than concentrating on what you’re supposed to be doing?

Sorry just seen you’ve answered that already.
I’ve always been a bit of a day dreamer and have to force myself to keep on task.

Could you set up alarms on your phone? 7 am get up 710 shower etc. Would that help if lists work for you

Although not a relaxed way to live I am ready for the day at 7am. I have different bags all under the stairs so ballet/swimming/walk. In the back of the car I have snack bag/drinks/spare set of clothing. If things get used they get washed, replaced and back in the bag under the stairs. Then provided child is dressed it is just grab a bag and head to the car

My friends son has dyslexia and one of the things she said that he also struggled with was following a list of easy instructions. Teacher would say sit down get your book for X out and start on page 4 with the calculations on section C for example and all the other kids would get on but her son had forgotten from sit down get X book out.
I wonder if it’s similar and you can’t follow the list in your head in the same way as others.
It definitely sounds like something you can’t help and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself.
Some great advice on working backwards from the outing time and getting things out ready ahead of time.
It must be like wading through treacle if you can’t make the actions happen how you want them to.
Maybe even have some helpful lists about the place which will help your son in turn.
So by the door you could have shoes, coat, bag, purse, weather appropriate accessories whatever. In the kitchen dishwasher, start dinner, put clean pots away.

My mum also used to sellotape a list to the steering wheel. I do one for the front door so I check it before I leave for a holiday for example

you sound like me! I'm forever getting ticked off for leaving kids loose, not putting things back properly etc..I can lose things without even moving! a lot of my traits tie up with ADD
I have to plan and make lists at work, bit I dread having to speak ad hoc, made worse by all eyes being on me!

Keep everything you need to go out in one place, by the door. Coat rack/ hooks, basket for shoes. Hook for keys. Always put your bag & purse by or with your coat . Have a visual prompt post it check list on the door of what you need. Estimate your getting ready time, then double it. Use that to set a 'start getting ready' alarm on your phone calendar.

Oh gosh I’m just like this, I’m like it at work too unfortunately, but do manage to disguise it and get there in the end.

I’m going to Google dyspraxia.