To ask how to stop faffing

[Sbowiegirl]

I take forever to get ready or do anything. I’m quite slow at doing anything practical, and struggle with concentration, and am very uncoordinated.

In my job (project management); I work round this by separating “planning” and “doing”, and have very detailed to do lists to keep me on track.

But getting myself and my son (5) to go anywhere is a nightmare. We have a childcare bubble with my friend, and had her son (also 5) with us while she was working: he got ready in less than a minute. My son and I were still trying to get out 30 minutes later.

It seems like my son takes after me in the faffing. The only reason he gets to school on time is that DH does the mornings while I start work early.

Any tips to help me with my own faffing, and my sons faffing

I think if you keep lists for different routines handy, and do that same thing at the same time then it might get easier.
I don't like to pre pack stuff etc. But I'm really fast at whizzing around getting stuff ready in a hurry. Where as my oh is slower but gosh he is so much more organised, lays out his stuff the night before and has the same routine.. But if his routine is disturbed then quite often he will end up at work without remembering his packed lunch or phone! We all have our strong and weak points, I expect my partner feels like he could be a bit more laid back like me, but I wish I had more self control to be more organised like him!
Post it note checklists by the front door, next to the cooker etc. Is also handy to have as little reminders of to do or to take lists

There are apps you can use - a bit like a visual timetable.

I'm like this. I also can't drive, ride a bike, swim, and my dancing skills are hilarious. I once got into trouble at a part time retail job as a student, because I couldn't cut out paper signs for prices.

It's taken years of practice to get out of the house on time. I'm not lazy, I wake up very early - but I get lost along the way. I'm a bit better at this now though. My mother used to joke that she was glad I work in academia, because "they're all dozy buggers, you'll fit right in".

It's highly possible that I'm dyspraxic. Weirdly I'm good at art and cooking though, so I've no idea really. Lists and alarms help me a lot. Talking out loud to myself, too.

@Mellonsprite it wasn’t my friend who got ready in one minute: it was her 5 year old son.

From memory today’s episode consisted of me struggling to get my sons boots and snowsuit on. Him removing his wellies. Having to find my phone after putting it down. Remembering to bring drinks and snacks. Then fiddling around trying to put my own boots and coat on. Needing a pee. Then son needing a pee and having to be helped to take his snowsuit off.

My son sometimes stands vacantly looking into space. The exact same look I have apparently when I’m supposed to be doing something and I’m not moving. I’ve been late for work because of it, and my husband has had to snap me out of it quite a few times over the years

For the posters linking this/their own behaviour to ADHD, I have a diagnosis of ADHD and I am the opposite of this. I have a friend who does exactly this faffing and it actually makes me really antsy.

@44PumpLane

Do exactly what you do for work, but for home.

Set out a task list for generic situations "school morning", "swimming", "weekend outibf" etc etc for the situations you typically need to be ready for.

Not down the tasks involved, any preplanning that would be useful and print off, laminate and put somewhere handy alongside a dry erase marker type pen.

The night before, assess what you're doing the next day, consult the appropriate list.

The list may include getting ready, packing bag (add specifics), doing packed lunch etc. Add time markers and an ultimate deadline to the laminated list.

So, you're meeting a friend for swimming at 10am so your final deadline is 9.30am to leave the house.
Which means you add a wake up 8am deadline, finish breakfast 8.45 deadline, clothes on and teeth brushed 9.15 deadline, you pack the swim bag the night before, you set out clothes the night before. You have built in a 15 minute cushion to get yourselves into the car and you leave at 9.30.

Rinse and repeat.

@44PumpLane definitely going to pinch this as another fellow 'faffer'

It sounds very much like dyspraxia. DS1 has a diagnosis. DS2 is on another planet, and I blame their mother... they take after me far too much.

I try and plan out time to do the stages of trying to work back, but I miss things out or get thrown by things like wondering why I'm stood in my bedroom (I wanted to grab something from DS's room but ended up in my room by default...) If I allow too much time and things are going well, I lose the time pressure, think I can fit something in, my mind gets stuck on the time I'm on and it falls apart. I do better on a fine balance of being in the nick of time to keep the pressure going.

My husband is just like this and he has dyspraxia. I try and help as much as I can but it takes forever to leave the house. For example we'll need to be somewhere at 10am, he will say he's ready but never is. Needs to change top, find socks, find keys, wallet, phone etc... Then he need a poo just incase. Checks everything around the house, I'll say I've already done it but he will faff around and re check. Finally get in the car and I'm trying not to lose my rag but they he'll say he's forgotten something. It's hard work and before you know it we are late. He really struggles to follow a routine or a list. If he goes to cook I'll leave the ingredients out and he always misses something out.. Its like he can't concentrate. He struggles with fine and gross motor skills, chews his top when nervous, can't do laces, always puts top on wrong way, clothes get dirty as soon as they go on.
I've got used to him having it but at times it's difficult to stay so patient

I think I have surpassed myself today, got my annual leave weeks mixed up 🤦🏼‍♀️ genuine mistake, but have been a few occasions in the past where I have mixed things up like this